Page 9 | To ask why parents bring out clearly ill children for days out

squiddybear · 2022-05-08T07:29:20+00:00

Probably going to be shot down in flames! This week we had a week off and took DS to lots of places - we've always been very very cautious of covid and this was sort of the first time we did lots of things although we did test twice last week to make sure we were still ok to go. It struck me how many children were being taken out to like the farm park or ceebeebies land who were clearly very unwell. Left to cough all over things, snot dripping down their faces and a few with what looked like HFM or chicken pox. Now I understand that children get ill but to take them to a public place and let them cough and sneeze over everything especially in the wake of covid is just unfair and unnecessary. For context there was a family we were sitting next too who were there with another mum and child who said school wouldn't have her in but she's fine (said child was pale as a ghost, hacking cough and didn't really want to move!) I don't understand the logic, if your child is ill then stay at home! Don't spread their germs round to everyone else! AIBU to think this

AppleandRhubarbTart · 09/05/2022 15:02

Marynotsocontrary · 09/05/2022 12:38

I agree with your thinking that you'll feel differently as your DS gets older and stronger @squiddybear.
I found it difficult when my children were young. A sniffle in another child could mean weeks off school, nebulisers, steroids, inhalers and even hospitalisation at times for them. So it's hard, and you worry and wish people realised that not everyone gets a 'mild' cold. I do think it's a balance and that children who are clearly unwell should be kept home from play and school. But others are quite well enough to go out and about and my children's poor health is ultimately not other parents' responsibility. And thankfully the problem usually lessens as children grow older.

I do sometimes wonder about the society we have constructed now. Everyone is working and so busy and it sometimes means that children who really would be better off at home are sent to school and nursery. Because needs must and parents are under such pressure. I'm not blaming stressed parents and I don't know how to address it, but it's something I've noticed.
A close friend is a teacher and she's sometimes asked to dose a feverish child with Calpol at 11am or whenever. (She can't and doesn't and most people know not to ask.) But that child should be at home. It's not fair on the child, classmates, teachers or worried parents. It's far from ideal for all involved.
Covid has helped many of us move, at least partially, towards a working from home environment (where possible) and I think more flexibility from employers like this is great. Hopefully it will help the situation somewhat.

I'm hoping it will, once we've come through this tricky part of the pandemic. At the moment, because of the hangover from lockdowns and school closures and with so many industries unable to recruit enough staff, there's sometimes very little leeway available even with employers who are otherwise flexible.

Hopefully once that all calms down a bit, what will remain is the greater flexibility. Obviously not everyone is able to wfh, but even if just those parents who wfh and have upper primary aged DC are able to keep sick kids off more than previously, that has a knock on effect. It's just very hard at the moment, lots of pressures.

bloodyplanes · 10/05/2022 00:26

Op these are the same people who turn up to work absolutely full of cold or some other easily spreadable virus acting like martyrs! They do it because they are selfish and stupid.

AppleandRhubarbTart · 10/05/2022 06:56

bloodyplanes · 10/05/2022 00:26

Op these are the same people who turn up to work absolutely full of cold or some other easily spreadable virus acting like martyrs! They do it because they are selfish and stupid.

Are you able to stay off work for every cold you ever get, then? That's a rather privileged position if so.

randomsabreuse · 10/05/2022 09:39

Most colds you're infectious before you show any symptoms, and Chicken Pox is the same - hence why it runs through the class and it's pretty well impossible to work out which of the children will come down with it 2 weeks later and which will wait until 2 weeks after that. It took an entire 8 week half term to run through my older DC's class and the only predictable pattern was siblings coming down 2 weeks after each other. No one breached "the rules" of going out/to school once spots were present but it still spread steadily.

For me Covid was the weird one - felt miserable for a week while testing negative, felt better then got the positive test - most other viruses seem to spread before we feel ill - which is useful for the virus!

Olivestone · 10/05/2022 10:16

AppleandRhubarbTart · 10/05/2022 06:56

Are you able to stay off work for every cold you ever get, then? That's a rather privileged position if so.

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@bloodyplanes it's important that adult immune system's are challenged it keeps you healthy in the long term.
And I second what AppleandRhubarbTart has said. I'm lucky and at home with my toddler but I've been catching all of his bugs so this winter would have been off for about 2 months in total...not sure I would still have a job!

MsSquiz · 10/05/2022 10:22

My toddler has a permanently snotty nose and a residual cough left over from a chest infection & covid! I'm not going to keep her locked up at home in case she coughs near people!
All I can do is teach her to use a tissue for her nose & to cough into a tissue or her hand and then wash her hands.
If we have a play date, I let the other parents know so they can make the call whether or not to come round

bloodyplanes · 10/05/2022 10:34

@AppleandRhubarbTart i work for the NHS so I definitely don't go into work spreading germs when i am ill

AppleandRhubarbTart · 10/05/2022 11:00

bloodyplanes · 10/05/2022 10:34

@AppleandRhubarbTart i work for the NHS so I definitely don't go into work spreading germs when i am ill

If you work for the NHS, you have access to much better sick pay policies than a lot of people. What you are expecting others to do here will for some of them yield consequences worse than what you'll experience when you call in sick for a cold.

TheOriginalEmu · 10/05/2022 11:43

randomsabreuse · 10/05/2022 09:39

Most colds you're infectious before you show any symptoms, and Chicken Pox is the same - hence why it runs through the class and it's pretty well impossible to work out which of the children will come down with it 2 weeks later and which will wait until 2 weeks after that. It took an entire 8 week half term to run through my older DC's class and the only predictable pattern was siblings coming down 2 weeks after each other. No one breached "the rules" of going out/to school once spots were present but it still spread steadily.

For me Covid was the weird one - felt miserable for a week while testing negative, felt better then got the positive test - most other viruses seem to spread before we feel ill - which is useful for the virus!

I still have nightmares about The Summer Of Doom when my eldest came down with chicken pox the day school finished, then every two weeks the next kid would get it, 8 weeks of holiday where we could basically go nowhere. They were 6, 5, 3 and 1 at the time. It was just hell.

10HailMarys · 10/05/2022 12:10

When I was a student I worked in a bar-restaurant where a mother brought her very unwell little boy out for lunch with her and her friend. He was about 7ish and extremely pale, sleepy and clammy-looking and all the poor kid wanted to do was curl up on the bench seating with his cuddly toy. I had just taken their order when he suddenly projectile vomited all over the floor.

While my colleague was mopping up and I was getting the poor boy some water to sip and a clean damp cloth to wipe his face with because his mum didn't seem to care and I felt sorry for him, she said 'Oh, I wondered if that might happen, he was sick at school this morning, that's why they sent him home. So sorry about that. Can we move to another table?'

We said no, they absolutely could not move to another table because they needed to take him home, and they actually argued with us! Apart from the fact that clearly, it's not OK to have someone in a restaurant who is vomiting, imagine wanting to make your miserable, nauseous, puking, crying little boy sit there feeling like death for an hour while you ate steak and chips in front of him?

SerendipitySunshine · 10/05/2022 14:18

Poor little boy. When I worked in hospitality I saw similar. When I'm ill I want my own bed and bathroom, but some parents think it's OK to drag ill kids around if it means they aren't inconvenienced.

Olivestone · 10/05/2022 15:31

@SerendipitySunshine @10HailMarys well that sounds horrible for those children but I haven't seen anyone suggesting to do that on this thread. People are talking about taking out little ones with a cold or recovering from one thing or another. When the child is happy to be out the house and getting some fresh air and a run around!

AppleandRhubarbTart · 10/05/2022 15:41

Olivestone · 10/05/2022 15:31

@SerendipitySunshine @10HailMarys well that sounds horrible for those children but I haven't seen anyone suggesting to do that on this thread. People are talking about taking out little ones with a cold or recovering from one thing or another. When the child is happy to be out the house and getting some fresh air and a run around!

Yes, what the OP saw was snot and coughing rather than vomit.

Ahurricaneofjacarandas · 10/05/2022 17:21

It is worth noting as well that I don't know about anyone elses kids but mine can go from absolutely fine to half dying in literally minutes. I've been in softplay with mine for example when she seemed absolutely fine, no sign at all of an illness, but she suddenly went clingy and didn't want to play then the next thing I knew she was raging a fever. We did leave right away with her but still... these things do happen. They don't come with an illness timetable unfortunately. She turned out to have an ear infection

Sceptre86 · 11/05/2022 07:33

A lot of people will have had to use annual leave to take their kids to these places. Then you still have to pre book if you want a cheaper deal. To go to most theme parks I'm the Uk we stay in in hotel.I wouldn't knowingly take my kid out when they are poorly but with kids illness can come on quickly. One minute they are fine, next spluttering their guts out. If they are feverish and it won't come down with calpol I'd keep them in.

10HailMarys · 11/05/2022 10:50

Olivestone · 10/05/2022 15:31

@SerendipitySunshine @10HailMarys well that sounds horrible for those children but I haven't seen anyone suggesting to do that on this thread. People are talking about taking out little ones with a cold or recovering from one thing or another. When the child is happy to be out the house and getting some fresh air and a run around!

I wasn't saying that anyone on this thread was suggesting it, and yes, I know it's totally different from a child with a bit of a cold or scabbed-over chicken pox. Like you say - kids at the tail end of a cold or whatever are probably desperate for a bit of fresh air at that stage and I have no issue with a kid with a bit of a sniffle being out and about.

My point was just that some people definitely do take their kids out when they're properly ill, as opposed to just a bit under the weather. A few PPs seemed quite sceptical that any parent would do that, but unfortunately it definitely happens.