To ask why parents bring out clearly ill children for days out

[squiddybear]

Probably going to be shot down in flames!

This week we had a week off and took DS to lots of places - we've always been very very cautious of covid and this was sort of the first time we did lots of things although we did test twice last week to make sure we were still ok to go.

It struck me how many children were being taken out to like the farm park or ceebeebies land who were clearly very unwell. Left to cough all over things, snot dripping down their faces and a few with what looked like HFM or chicken pox. Now I understand that children get ill but to take them to a public place and let them cough and sneeze over everything especially in the wake of covid is just unfair and unnecessary.

For context there was a family we were sitting next too who were there with another mum and child who said school wouldn't have her in but she's fine (said child was pale as a ghost, hacking cough and didn't really want to move!)

I don't understand the logic, if your child is ill then stay at home! Don't spread their germs round to everyone else! AIBU to think this

Yes they would. People go out to places after school, plus at weekends and in the holidays. I appreciate that your OP was specifically about weekdays, but you presumably understand that children can have snotty noses on all the days of the week.

On the one hand obviously parents shouldn't be taking out genuinley unwell children, that's not fair on the child or anyone else. I'm a waitress and have seen children being sick in the toilet and then coming back for the parent to finish their meal/drink! Obviously children do go downhill very quickly but if they do become unwell while out you just have to leave. It's annoying and frustrating but it's part and parcel of having children.

However, you also cannot expect parents to keep their child in for every single mild illness (e.g a cold/HFM) the symptoms of which can sometimes last weeks past the contagious stage. Building up immunity is important. You also can't tell whether a strangers child is pale if you have nothing to base that off, my daughters are both day glow white (as am I) and we always look pale. In fact I used to tell my teachers I felt unwell because I knew they would reply with 'you do look pale' and I would be sent out of lesson. You don't know which children have asthma, which often causes a cough instead of a wheeze and is a common illness, and which ones have had coughs in the last 3 weeks or which ones haven't slept well and so are now tired and miserable. None of those children will be contagious or even ill but to a passer by they might look it.

Must admit. I've never seen this!
I can't imagine why it would be in anyone's best interests to do so

YANBU. Drives me mad. But given the amount of people who think YABU then it makes sense why so many are out. Some clueless people clearly don't care about other people they spread it to or the fact their child probably could have done with some rest to get over what they have... I am actually shocked so many admit to not giving a shit though.. Good work guys :)

@AzazaelsFury how do you think children build up their immune systems?

....they catch stuff off other children!

And pass it on to other older people with compromised immune systems. Sure in school/childcare situations they do but going out places with sick kids to me isn't something that should be done. But yes, people do it so thanks for showing us what kind it takes... I mean I know there's irresponsible people out there but they don't usually admit to it. So I admire your carelessness.
Have a great day (and please don't address my posts again... Thanks)

I have spent 3 weeks in Itu with a baby who contracted bronchiolitis from a cold. He is nearly 13 now and we know that he has life long damage to his lungs from that time.

BUT I also know we need to be realistic - ok don’t take a baby or toddler full of a cold to a baby group or similar, and of course always use good hand hygiene but taking them out to somewhere outdoors with a bit of a cold? Not an issue.

we don’t live in a sterile bubble, and it wouldn’t do children any good if we did. They are going to come across illnesses, and when your child is vulnerable that is petrifying (we spent most of the last two years shielding).

Coughs and colds are normal in small children. My eldest had a cough between October and March every year between 2 and 5. Now she’s in primary she doesn’t seem to be as much of a snot bucket as her younger sister.

school would expect a child in with a cold. Even during covid our school sent something round to make it clear children should be in with mild colds. I would not take a child out with a fever or one with sickness but you’d be imprisoning toddlers for months on end if they had to stay in every time they were snotty.

Thing is, there's a difference between my child being ill- lethargic, hot, tired, sleepy, clingy and them exhibiting normal behaviour and also having a snotty nose. I'm not keeping a snotty nosed child who is otherwise their usual self cooped up for weeks on end.

Covid has shown us that stopping children getting normal levels of coughs and colds is bad for them anyway.

I currently have a stuffy nose. I'm otherwise totally fine- no fever, don't feel crappy. It'd be disingenuous for me to take a day sick simply because I keep blowing my nose!

Your whole attitude is hilarious.

Had to check this wasn't a zombie post with all the 2020/21 covid bingo going on!

• selfish

-stay inside -dont go anywhere without testing -evil, germ laden infection spreading children! Have I missed anything?

Lovely! 😁

The thing is most children will be contagious before symptoms appear so while obviously it is sensible to keep very unwell children at home, and perhaps avoid baby groups/other enclosed spaces with bad colds, the chances are you didn't catch the virus from the snotty, rashy looking child but actually from the perfectly healthy looking one who's been at nursery all week and hadn't started showing symptoms yet. So unless you really do want all children of nursery/school age to be permanently confined indoors there will always be contagious viruses around and that's actually a good thing for our immune systems.

@AzazaelsFury so you are allowed to build up an immune system but only if you go to childcare?

Outdoors at a farm park off strangers' DC isn't where older people catch infections from children anyway (or vice versa). Children catch infections off other children at school and childcare. Then they share them with adults in the home. Usually before they display any symptoms.

You are completely not getting it and I don't have time to break it down to a simple mode for your comprehension.... Hopefully you don't have kids you're responsible for. Have a nice day (hopefully you understand that but won't hold my breath..)

I know, and some of them coming out with this are acting like they're actually smart? It's brilliant entertainment value.

@AzazaelsFury My child does not go to childcare I look after him 24/7. So where does he at 21 months old pick up bugs if other children and adults are not allowed out of the house while infectious?

And a previous poster summed it up well as often you are infectious before any symptoms!

If you kept small children at home every time they had a cough or runny nose they’d almost never leave the house, especially during the colder months. I can’t see any issue with them going out with a cold but obviously HFM or chicken pox is different.

My daughter had an awful cold 2 weeks ago and is still coughing. She's absolutely fine in herself and not 'unwell' anymore so is back at nursery but from an outsiders point of view she may seem ill as she's coughing but I can't keep her home indefinitely until she stops coughing.

Now DS is older if he's I'll we ask him if he still wants to go and judge accordingly. We can't stay home with every sniffle or life would be very boring. Not only that lack of exposure to pathogens has been linked to ALL in kids which is something I would like to avoid much more than COVID.

Speaking of COVID I'm day 10 still coughing still full of cold if you saw me out you would think I was spreading god knows what! I still need to go do the food shop today tho regardless.

But why is HFM different? Chicken pox yes, but the NHS website says in relation to HFM:

"But as soon as they're feeling better, they can go back to school or nursery."
AND
"Keeping your child away from other children for longer is unlikely to stop the illness spreading."

Both my kids were unaffected by HFM, they were not unwell at all, just a few spots, so didn't take time off school or nursery - I hadn't realised what it was until the school sent out an email advising of a breakout, the school told us not to keep them off unless unwell. If they can go to school they can go on a day out!

Thank you all.

I think I didn't word my post very well/not afraid to admit was very anxious about everything and did not think that some may not be ill.

I still stand by my notion that those who ARE I'll with colds etc should not be going out and about and being allowed to spread germs but appreciate that I have various anxieties about this and may feel differently when DS is older.

I think it's good you can see that your anxiety is having an impact here.

I wouldn't characterise a normal cold as being ill tbh. A stinker of a cold when you have a high temp and just feel miserable, sure. But your typical cold I wouldn't think of as being ill for either a child or an adult. I wouldn't socialise with someone who is immunocompromised or visit a newborn, sure, but we would definitely be going to the park as planned as well as school/work/childcare.

I agree with your thinking that you'll feel differently as your DS gets older and stronger @squiddybear.
I found it difficult when my children were young. A sniffle in another child could mean weeks off school, nebulisers, steroids, inhalers and even hospitalisation at times for them. So it's hard, and you worry and wish people realised that not everyone gets a 'mild' cold. I do think it's a balance and that children who are clearly unwell should be kept home from play and school. But others are quite well enough to go out and about and my children's poor health is ultimately not other parents' responsibility. And thankfully the problem usually lessens as children grow older.

I do sometimes wonder about the society we have constructed now. Everyone is working and so busy and it sometimes means that children who really would be better off at home are sent to school and nursery. Because needs must and parents are under such pressure. I'm not blaming stressed parents and I don't know how to address it, but it's something I've noticed.
A close friend is a teacher and she's sometimes asked to dose a feverish child with Calpol at 11am or whenever. (She can't and doesn't and most people know not to ask.) But that child should be at home. It's not fair on the child, classmates, teachers or worried parents. It's far from ideal for all involved.
Covid has helped many of us move, at least partially, towards a working from home environment (where possible) and I think more flexibility from employers like this is great. Hopefully it will help the situation somewhat.