To ask why parents bring out clearly ill children for days out

[squiddybear]

Probably going to be shot down in flames!

This week we had a week off and took DS to lots of places - we've always been very very cautious of covid and this was sort of the first time we did lots of things although we did test twice last week to make sure we were still ok to go.

It struck me how many children were being taken out to like the farm park or ceebeebies land who were clearly very unwell. Left to cough all over things, snot dripping down their faces and a few with what looked like HFM or chicken pox. Now I understand that children get ill but to take them to a public place and let them cough and sneeze over everything especially in the wake of covid is just unfair and unnecessary.

For context there was a family we were sitting next too who were there with another mum and child who said school wouldn't have her in but she's fine (said child was pale as a ghost, hacking cough and didn't really want to move!)

I don't understand the logic, if your child is ill then stay at home! Don't spread their germs round to everyone else! AIBU to think this

There's now an outbreak of hepatitis in children which they think has been caused by lack of exposure to germs due to isolation.
So Yabu.

Well, that's just one hypothesis as of yet @NotMyselfWithoutCoffee. Scientists don't yet know what's causing the rise of hepatitis cases in children and they have specifically warned against jumping to conclusions.

My niece had continuous snot for 3 years whilst waiting on an operation. It looked gross but she was not at all infectious and quite happy.

Should she have stayed at home for 3 years in case she surprised or disgusted someone like you?

Obviously your niece should've sucked it up and stayed in for years of her childhood, in order to protect some random ignorant passer by from the sight of a bit of snot.

Should she have stayed at home for 3 years in case she surprised or disgusted someone like you?

sadly I think lot of people would rather that, they may pretend not to be the looks and comments from others often sadly suggests otherwise.

Ds has severe asthma. He coughs. A lot. His cough isn’t going to make anyone else ill but we get so many dirty looks, even more so now.

Yabu. If these things didn't spread how would we build up our money systems?

That being said, I've never taken my children out if they have anything highly contagious but a cough/cold yes.

Immune

My baby had a constant snotty nose for 4 consequent months. YABU, parents aren't going to sit at home lonely for weeks on end because of a snotty nose.

Consecutive*

I've never taken my children out if they have anything highly contagious but a cough/cold yes."

Not commenting on whether you should/shouldn't take your children out in such situations, but this type of statement always confuses me. Colds are very contagious. (A cough is a symptom of various conditions, which may or may not be contagious).

I always assume the poster is really making a judgement on the perceived seriousness of the condition, and not on how contagious it is? The trouble is, a virus that causes minimal symptoms in one person can be more serious for another. My children have asthma and sometimes ended up in hospital when they contracted a cold when they were younger. I was far more worried about colds in those years than I was about something like a vomiting bug.

I was prepared to be flamed but just for the record I am talking colds and the like I think it would have been very rare that the children I passed all had underlying conditions such as a heart problem etc.

I also never said at all that I was 'disgusted'!

Can I just ask @squiddybear, you say you stayed home as a child if you had a cough or a cold? Did your parents both work? Were you an only child? I'm interested.

My toddler had a snotty/runny nose from October-March plus teething, which resulted in a lot of coughing from excess saliva. He wasn't "sick" for all of that time, he was just a typical toddler whose immune system was building. I brought him out because otherwise, we would have been in our house for a ridiculous amount of time for no reason.

It was another poster who talked about being disgusted.

As for talking specifically about colds and the like, rather than underlying conditions, the problem is that you can't reliably tell. You're deluding yourself if you think otherwise. Sure, you might conclude that it would be a statistically unlikely number of asthmatics or similar. That still doesn't mean you'll be able to identify a group who definitely have colds and distinguish them from those who aren't contagious. Hence yabu. Your whole premise is wrong.

@MooseBreath mine too! I'm so glad summer is finally here I think his nose has been dry for a whole month now, yay!
It would be insane to stay in for that amount of time for a snotty nose.

I had a younger brother and my DM didn't work

I took my child to the park today, second trip out - yesterday a walk in the woods. Day 14 of chicken pox, still has the marks of spots but hasn't had anything but crusted spots since day 6.

Chicken pox leaves marks for a week or even two after the infectious stage. But thanks for the judgy

After the winter from
hell in which my children (and I) seemed to contract every single fucking bug, virus etc known to man, I would really like them to mingle with more illnesses and build up their immune system a little.

as a rule of thumb if they are well enough for school (actually well enough, not like when people shove their children into nursery as they need the childcare) then they are well enough for activities. Clear no-nos are fevers, v&d and rashes in their contagious phase. Everything else wouldn’t really bother me.

Right, I think the combo of a SAHP and only two DC is what made that possible then. Although even then staying in for every single cold was likely a pretty niche position. The large majority of families with children are not going to tick both of those boxes.

You sound overly anxious about your family's health, OP.
If everyone kept their kids at home every time they had a snotty nose or a cough they'd never be at school/ nursery! It's a long old day stuck at home with kids and fresh air is good for them.

@AppleandRhubarbTart if both parents are working then they wouldn't be taking them out in the first place... not at school age anyway

Where was your day trip to, Lourdes?? 😂

Couldn't agree more! Life has moved on!

Went out for a meal today for a treat.
Someone had their small child with them who was so clearly unwell (v red face, coughing, snotty). Cried and cried. Didn’t eat their meal. Spent a long time screaming. It was pretty awful to witness. The child got so exhausted they eventually fell asleep at the table.

YANBU.

With kindness OP, yes, it’s possible that large numbers of parents took their seriously unwell children to the same attractions as you on a relatively quiet day. Have you perhaps considered however that after (presumably) two years of extreme caution and shielding you might (understandably) be particularly alert to otherwise fairly innocuous symptoms?

Between the ages of two and three one of my children had a permanently runny nose in colder weather. It was like someone turned on a tap when the temperature dropped to single figures. Checked over by several doctors who all said that there was no underlying cause and nothing to be done. You would no doubt have been horrified to encounter us on your day out but if we had kept them home we wouldn’t have left the house from October to April.

I do think you're being slightly ridiculous, on average children aged 3 - 6 have on average 12 infections a year mainly between Sept and April. You simply cannot keep children off school/at home for all of these. Children have to build up an immune system they have to catch coughs and colds. My child has asthma and several allergies, she has thick green snot constantly this time of year and a hacking cough, she can't sleep and looks tired, you definitely can't tell that it's her asthma and not a cold. I'm sure people like you say the same things about us. We've been very careful, we followed ever covid guideline and more, we stayed home for much longer than necessary after chicken pox, hand floor and mouth I kept them home when I didn't have to but colds I'm sorry I remind about tissues, we disinfect but I'm not making the whole house stay in every time. I think once your child is older and you've had a few more years of this you may feel slightly differently.