To ask why parents bring out clearly ill children for days out

[squiddybear]

Probably going to be shot down in flames!

This week we had a week off and took DS to lots of places - we've always been very very cautious of covid and this was sort of the first time we did lots of things although we did test twice last week to make sure we were still ok to go.

It struck me how many children were being taken out to like the farm park or ceebeebies land who were clearly very unwell. Left to cough all over things, snot dripping down their faces and a few with what looked like HFM or chicken pox. Now I understand that children get ill but to take them to a public place and let them cough and sneeze over everything especially in the wake of covid is just unfair and unnecessary.

For context there was a family we were sitting next too who were there with another mum and child who said school wouldn't have her in but she's fine (said child was pale as a ghost, hacking cough and didn't really want to move!)

I don't understand the logic, if your child is ill then stay at home! Don't spread their germs round to everyone else! AIBU to think this

I am literally that mum this week! My youngest two have hacking coughs and are super snotty but mostly OK so have been out doing stuff as the rest of us are fine. Maybe it is covid? Maybe it is just a cough? I dunno, as not going to test my 1 and 2 year old everytime they cough and they seem to have a cough all the time recently so life must go on. Places to go and people to see :-)

Covid has also taught us that regular exposure to mild childhood diseases prevents them becoming severe diseases in adults (if nobody gets chicken pox as a kid, we would get it as an adult and be very unwell)

To me that's just selfish

You do know that coughs can easily last for two weeks after a cold. And as @Lazypuppy says your immune system needs an appointment to ‘exercise’ like any other system in the body.

Good news OP. That kid on the tractor ride with contagious chicken pox probably boosted your immunity and makes you less likely to develop shingles. Every cloud!
www.bmj.com/company/newsroom/adult-exposure-to-chickenpox-linked-to-lower-risk-of-shingles/

This. If you only have one DC and you haven't mixed since the start of COVID when said DC was a young baby, you really have no clue that the normal state for children that age is snotty, and that years 1-5 for children basically consist of a continuous round of mild viral infections. I've never seen parents dragging clearly ill DC who want to be at home around. I've seen plenty of snotty DC who are basically fine. By your standards all DC would be on house arrest. Which would do nothing but delay the continuously snotty period to school age.

Sadly I think your anxiety is making you over cautious, the fact you are testing (without any symptoms?) just because you are going to a Farm Park?

As others said, many DC have snotty noses and a mild cough .. doesn't mean they are seriously ill.

I think you just haven't been out much for two years and you've forgotten that children tend to be a bit snotty and gross.

I don't honestly believe the places you went were full of visibly unwell children covered with obviously infctious diseases. I'd say there was the usual coughing and sneezing and it made you uncomfortable (I know I notice coughing now where I used not to).

My daughter is struggling with every cold she gets, she gets bronchiolitis and ends up in hospital. Doctors say it’s because she was a lockdown baby so hadn’t built up any immune system. It’s important for their own immune systems that children are exposed to these viruses. Kids get at least 8-12 colds a year

This - my DD is same & her paediatrician said exactly the same.

We cannot eliminate the various viruses like rhinoviruses, coronaviruses and adenoviruses, they are too easily transmitted, mild, and our populations are simply too large. Trying to isolate from them simply means we don't build normal immunity to them and get them worse when we inevitably get caught.

Coughs and colds are mild illness. My toddler has green snot a lot of the time (she is generally mucousy!) And her constant hacking cough gets me a lot of nasty looks from people you.

The fluid in her lungs is due to a heart condition. We are on the waiting list to get it sorted but in the meantime, yes she does sound like a fucking smoker and no, I'm not making her miss our legoland trip because of your health anxiety.

I went to a restaurant the other day and the family next to us had a clearly ill child. The
child was so unwell they were lying down across the seat (it was like a long soft bench type seating if that makes sense) and didn’t eat anything. The child was so pale and lethargic.

why would you bring a child out like that when they are clearly unwell? It makes no sense to me.

Kids are ill every other week, if they wernt taken out every time they were a bit poorly, they'd never leave the house. Everyone would go mad. Germs and colds are a normal part of life, and in fact, kids need to get them, it's good for them!!

To me that's just selfish

To me your attitude is selfish and ableist. You want me to lock away my child because she has a heart condition and her harmless cough scares you.

Yabu. I doubt there were many children out who were so unwell that it was visible to you. I suspect there were people coughing. I cough all the time, day in, day out. I have asthma and allergies. I'm not staying in for the rest of my life because you are anxious about covid. If you don't want to catch covid you should stay in, not everybody else.

Maybe the chicken pox were all scabbed up but still visible. The child with the cough might be asthmatic. The snotty nose could be pollen or, at a farm animal or dust allergies. I work in a school and there is no requirement to still be testing. I don't know a soul who is.

Urm that post wasn't aimed at you. You did not say yes my child might have covid did you!

HFM - keep at home until feeling better
Chicken pox - keep at home until spots scab over
Covid - stay at home until feeling better
Snot and coughs - stay at home if feeling unwell

So for all of the above if feeling well (and spots scabbed for CP) then there is no reason for why any of these children should be at home.

So unless you were monitoring their temperatures etc then YABU

To be fair though OP, mine could. I dont test her, I'd have to test her daily if I did on grounds of coughing.

I no longer consider Covid to be significantly more of a risk on a population level than things like RSV (which landed my child in intensive care on a ventilator). I'm sorry if that makes you worry, but if you are CEV its likely you are at risk from a lot of things, not just Covid.

Any number of dc in any room or place might have covid now, most will be asymptomatic and anecdotally I don't actually know a single child that has had covid who has had a cough so it's actually probably not that. I don't think it's selfish to simply accept the new outlook on covid. Our school guidance is now stay home with a high fever, if not you're good to go. It's out there, you're not going to avoid it.

how can you tell that an unknown child "looks pale"?
you have no reference point of what they look like normslly to understand whether they look paler/shitter than normal.

This is also very true, I remember my nephew as a dc was so pale he was basically translucent 😆

@squiddybear

It was a tractor ride so sat next door to them. They didn't looked scabbed over to me

My son had molluscum for 2 years and we often got looks from people who were thinking CP

Taking a kid with a cold to an outdoor farm isn’t really crime of the century. You admit you are over cautious, finally had a week of relaxing more and managed to spot multiple really poorly kids with different infectious illnesses… I think it’s incredibly likely your perception is skewed here because you are so anxious.

I wouldn’t take my kids out with infectious chicken pox or covid, but I do think it’s incredibly difficult to look at someone else’s kids and no for sure what’s wrong with them.

We went out with my DD 6 (age 6) and PILs last week for a day out 1.5 hours away. She was absolutely fine when we got there (and we had all tested negative before we went as PILs are very anxious about Covid). Half way through the afternoon she started complaining of being tired and having tummy pain. We tried drinking / toilet and then thought a snack might perk her up. It didn't and she ended up curled up on my lap while we all had a drink / snack which she barely touched. After that we headed home and by the time we got home she had a fever - the next day she was given antibiotics for a UTI.

Children go downhill quickly at times - you can't know for sure that children haven't become ill while out.

Also, pre-Covid my DD was covered in about for 6 months of the year, thankfully seems to have grown out of that now. We certainly wouldn't be keeping her in when she's not unwell.

My DS recently had a bad dose of chicken pox and once they scabbed over we went to our local town because he had cabin fever. The amount of dirty looks we got were horrific. He's 6. He needed fresh air. We even sat away from people, stuck to outside areas and got him some food/had a play in the park.
Some parents are selfish and have a "fuck you I've got to get on with my life, my kids will fit into my way of living" attitude and some are just trying their best. You sound super anxious though OP.

Kids are snotty most of the time. If we stayed home every time they had a cold, we'd never go out.

My daughter had chicken pox over a month ago. They're still not fully healed.

If you go on a day out where there are likely to be other families, you have to expect snotty kids and occasional coughing. If you're not ready for that, try somewhere quiet or with more opportunity for social distancing.