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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to pretend to be interested in football

172 replies

YouWhatLove · 07/05/2022 21:58

I’ve been seeing a man for nearly 2 years. We get on really well but due to both having kids and living 70 miles away from each other it’s a relatively casual thing for now, although I think we’d both like to spend more time together once our kids are older.

Anyway, he likes football and I don’t. I have no interest in it, I don’t want to become interested in it and I don’t want to discuss it. I called him earlier and he said he was watching the match at home and I said “no worries, I’ll speak to you later or tomorrow then”. He wanted me to stay on the call so that we could watch the match together. I declined and said I’d rather get on with some other stuff.

He just called me back in a strop because his team drew and started explaining that this was bad, they now had no chance of winning something but there’s another couple of matches that aren’t the team he supports but if they lose by X amount his team might still have a chance. I said that it was a shame and then started talking about him coming over this week and asking what he wanted for dinner. He then got huffy saying that I’m not interested in anything that he does, that he was trying to explain something to me that was really important to him and I clearly wasn’t paying attention. I told him that he knows I don’t like football, I’m sorry he’s feeling sad his team lost but that I’m really not interested in the details. Then he said “what’s the fucking point in this?” and hung up on me.

I’m not calling him back and apologising as I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. I’ve never once pretended to be interested in football. He has plenty of mates he can talk to about football, I don’t want to be involved.

Have I done something wrong? I commiserated about his team not winning. I’ve never been in a relationship with a man who liked football before and I hadn’t appreciated how all consuming it can be.

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 07/05/2022 22:00

YANBU and you haven’t done anything wrong at all. He sounds like a ten year old boy. Absolutely ridiculous.

BearPunter · 07/05/2022 22:15

You've done nothing wrong but tonight was painful. Especially for those of us who actually put money on another goal happening...

I think it's not so much the football, he told you he was upset about something and you dismissed it because it's not important to you. If you were upset about something that was irrelevant to him would he have done the same?

RJnomore1 · 07/05/2022 22:21

He’s a liverpool fan, it’s been a bad night. I agree it’s about you dismissing him being upset, you’ve obviously been together a while and he doesn’t bore on about it normally, so perhaps you could have been more supportive this once about something that’s got to him.

TeaBug · 07/05/2022 22:22

I think it's not so much the football, he told you he was upset about something and you dismissed it because it's not important to you

OP said it was a shame so didn't dismiss.What more can op do? Two minutes silence?

EmergencyPaintSituation · 07/05/2022 22:22

Yawn! Can’t bear listening to sport talk. So boring. You should take up an interest - knitting for example - then talk at length about it and get upset if he doesn’t listen with enough interests. Ridiculous and immature behaviour IMO.

WhatIsThisPlease · 07/05/2022 22:23

He's obviously a Liverpool fan. As is my DS who has barely managed to speak since the full time whistle.

It's a big deal, they've messed up tonight and while it was unlikely they'd win the Premier League, it now seems almost impossible.

I don't blame you for not calling him back, I wouldn't either. But if he rings tomorrow and is apologetic, try and cut him some slack. He'll be bitterly disappointed tonight.

CornishPorsche · 07/05/2022 22:23

Football bores are boring AF.

If he's this shitty over football, what else is he going to be this shitty about?

By the sound of it, if it's "all consuming", he needs to find a woman who likes the sport. Personally, I couldn't pander to this.

AndNobbyDancing · 07/05/2022 22:24

RJnomore1 · 07/05/2022 22:21

He’s a liverpool fan, it’s been a bad night. I agree it’s about you dismissing him being upset, you’ve obviously been together a while and he doesn’t bore on about it normally, so perhaps you could have been more supportive this once about something that’s got to him.

You think? I'm odds on he is a Spurs fan.

Bimster · 07/05/2022 22:26

Nothing wrong with not being interested in football but perhaps he felt you were being dismissive about something that mattered to
him.

thistimelastweek · 07/05/2022 22:27

My husband is an avid football fan . He has a team. He gets over-invested and excited.

He never ever expects me to feel the same.

Why should I?

This guy is nuts.

BearPunter · 07/05/2022 22:27

Ah, as a Liverpool fan myself I hadn't considered Spurs but yes, he could well be, they have as much to play for!

MiddleParking · 07/05/2022 22:28

“He then got huffy saying that I’m not interested in anything that he does”. He’s not done anything though has he. He’s been sat on his arse. And I say that as a football fan.

JaceLancs · 07/05/2022 22:32

Oh dear! DP and I have totally different interests and over time have tried to perfect the art of just being enough interested in what matters to each of us to care enough to not piss off the other
sometimes it just doesn’t work

ExtraOnion · 07/05/2022 22:56

My husband of 20 years is a bird watcher … I am not. I have however been to more bird reserves than you can shake a stick at, I have been up early, walked through the countryside, up hills and down dales. I have looked at out of focus photographs, shaky videos, and birding reports … I believe I could have a great stab at “British Birds” on Mastermind.

I did a lot more of the “trudging about and bird reserves” in the early days before kids.

… here’s the rub - I’m not at all interested in birds or birdwatching. It’s important to him though, and we were planning a life together, so I just made the effort. In the same way I’m fairly sure he’s not interested in Eurovision … but he sits here with me every year, with a scorecard in hand - joining in.

i think it’s the secret of our success - understanding what’s important to the other person … and being just interested enough …

Autienotnaughtie · 07/05/2022 23:07

If it was anything else like say soaps or royal family every one would agree with op. Football is people kicking a ball, it's not more special than any other hobby/interest. Op listened politely and commiserated then moved on. She doesn't need to pretend to be interested to be in a relationship.

ilovesooty · 07/05/2022 23:07

I agree that it's not really about the football but about your lack of interest in how he's feeling.

It's not reasonable to expect you to be interested in football itself but it seems that you aren't very interested in his feelings.

I see that this thread is already attracting the usual anti football responses.

TeaBug · 07/05/2022 23:09

On the other hand, it's good not to be joined at the hip. We do our own stuff with friends who enjoy the same activitity as well as activities we share both share. Why put yourself through it? I wouldn't drag dh along to something that bores him because I'm not selfish.

Original poster
YouWhatLove · 07/05/2022 23:12

He’s a Liverpool fan. I didn’t dismiss his upset, I said it was a shame and suggested he have a glass of wine or get a takeaway and asked him what he wanted me to cook for him when he comes over in the week in an attempt to get his mind off it. But then he started going on about how this match might mean X if Y team loses by Z amount and I smiled and nodded for a bit but didn’t join in or add anything to the conversation. Partly because I don’t know how the league works and have no intention of learning and partly because I am simply uninterested. I expressed empathy for him feeling down I just don’t want to have a conversation about football.

OP posts:
Original poster
YouWhatLove · 07/05/2022 23:16

@ExtraOnion but we don’t do things like that together. Due to kids we see each other one weekday a fortnight and then one weekend a fortnight. If I was expected to spend the only time that I have with him (and my only child free time) watching football I would not have entered into this relationship.

It might have been different if we didn’t have kids or had much more free time together but we don’t.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 07/05/2022 23:18

You see one another one weekend a fortnight and his intense interest in football hasn't been apparent previously?

PrettyMaybug · 07/05/2022 23:19

YANBU. I would struggle to be in a relationship with a footie obsessive, or any man who was obsessed with ANY sport. Most men find something to be obsessed with for some reason. It's usually because it gets them away from their responsibilities. I don't know, and never HAVE known, one single woman who is as obsessed with any hobby or interest as men are.

Original poster
YouWhatLove · 07/05/2022 23:20

@ilovesooty yes, of course it’s been apparent 🤔

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 07/05/2022 23:23

YouWhatLove · 07/05/2022 23:20

@ilovesooty yes, of course it’s been apparent 🤔

I meant has he not wanted to watch or listen to matches or attempted conversation about it before? In two years has it not been an issue between the two of you in terms of how you spend your time?

DashboardConfessional · 07/05/2022 23:24

This whole month is the end of the season, in which Liverpool are playing the FA Cup final on the 14th and the Champions League final on the 28th plus the last 3 games in the league. We have all been patiently watching this season since August. He's probably going to be upset/disappointed at least once more (I say this as a fellow Liverpool supporter!)

It's not really reasonable for him to call you to rehash the match, but you changing the subject on a normal Tuesday morning is likely to be received differently to changing the subject immediately after the match when he's really disappointed and just wants a rant.

RaininSummer · 07/05/2022 23:25

He sounds a bit of a wally. Maybe tomorrow he will realise that the world doesn't revolve around a ball game and many people don't find it at all interesting. Not sure what else you could have days tbh.

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