To refuse to pretend to be interested in football

[YouWhatLove]

I’ve been seeing a man for nearly 2 years. We get on really well but due to both having kids and living 70 miles away from each other it’s a relatively casual thing for now, although I think we’d both like to spend more time together once our kids are older.

Anyway, he likes football and I don’t. I have no interest in it, I don’t want to become interested in it and I don’t want to discuss it. I called him earlier and he said he was watching the match at home and I said “no worries, I’ll speak to you later or tomorrow then”. He wanted me to stay on the call so that we could watch the match together. I declined and said I’d rather get on with some other stuff.

He just called me back in a strop because his team drew and started explaining that this was bad, they now had no chance of winning something but there’s another couple of matches that aren’t the team he supports but if they lose by X amount his team might still have a chance. I said that it was a shame and then started talking about him coming over this week and asking what he wanted for dinner. He then got huffy saying that I’m not interested in anything that he does, that he was trying to explain something to me that was really important to him and I clearly wasn’t paying attention. I told him that he knows I don’t like football, I’m sorry he’s feeling sad his team lost but that I’m really not interested in the details. Then he said “what’s the fucking point in this?” and hung up on me.

I’m not calling him back and apologising as I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. I’ve never once pretended to be interested in football. He has plenty of mates he can talk to about football, I don’t want to be involved.

Have I done something wrong? I commiserated about his team not winning. I’ve never been in a relationship with a man who liked football before and I hadn’t appreciated how all consuming it can be.

Is that a topic of importance to your partner?

In your shoes, I’d probably take the minute or two to learn about my partner’s interest rather than an hour or two to complain online about not wanting to know about it.

@TeaBug same exh wasn't into football. Dh isn't, quite happy about it!

Thanks for your post, I needed a nap 😂😂😂

YANBU

I am married to a season ticket owning, on the board of the supporter's trust level of supporter. Football has been part of my life for 15 years, I've been to occasional matches if a ticket crops up, I know the rules etc. DD plays and will go to matches when older if she wants.

I am never expected to participate in a conversation beyond commiserations or congratulations, I am not that interested beyond that but accept it is his passion. He has his dad and mates for that.

His team have had a terrible season by their standards and their two biggest rivals could win everything between them. He doesn't tend to sulk after a bad result, not all supporters are that daft.

This doesn't mean we are fundamentally incompatible or that I don't care. Those suggesting your relationship is doomed are unreasonable. I'd let him vent for 5 minutes on a bad result but that should be it.

I love football & I actually think you've shown you have no interest in him by saying he called & said the team drew, then later on saying they lost. We can't all like the same things but you've shown a good degree of disregard.

Why football obsessives expect everyone else to be interested in what is possibly one of the dullest subjects on earth is beyond me.

Luckylavender - I would say it's the football nut who has shown the disregard

I used to go out with someone like this, I'd dread football season, the results would dictate his moods, his team won = great mood, happy and funny, team lost = moods and strops. It was one of the reasons I stopped seeing him

Desk - I agree, fucking ridiculous behaviour that is somehow deemed acceptable by lots of people

The first year I was with DH, I shared his interests, watched the matches, learnt the names of all the players. The next year they changed them all! Could not be arsed to learn a whole bunch of new people. Stopped watching. DH has survived.

I actually hate watching football and the tension it creates. DH played for a while too, one of his teammates (his actual boss at the time) suggested I joined the other wives by bringing oranges at half time (or something??) and I said why on earth would I do that?! It didn’t go down well 😬

YANBU OP. You did your best. Your DP will get over it.

Anyone who said 'what's the fucking point of this' to me would be told quite clearly that I didn't want to see them again. How rude .

You showed a polite interest and yet he went on and on at you.

My DH and I have completely separate interests and hobbies, we don't expect the other to share them, we might exchange a few comments to each other but we respect our differences and know when we are being an absolute bore. It's called the art of conversation.

My dad was always into football; he would also be grumpy if the team lost and we’d have to listen to five live on the radio in the car: only thing more boring than watching it is listening to it.

My dh doesn’t like football; just six nations rugby; much easier to tolerate for a few weekends a year.

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong op; you listened; commiserated, what more does he want? Hopefully he’ll get over himself and it today

He sounds like a typical arrogant self obsessed football fan.

Same here. Not with birds but with football. I have no interest but will sit and watch what DH considers an important game with him and cheer on his team. Yes I probably would rather be doing something that interests me more than footie but it's the rough with the smooth isn't it? I suffer football...he'll come to the cinema and watch Downton Abbey with me without complaint. Lots of occasions i'll do my own thing and so will he. its a bit of compromise isn't it🤷‍♀️

But I wouldn't put up with the tantrum!

We've already won one cup. The quest for the Premiership isn't actually over and is unlikely to be until the last minute. We also have two cup finals in the next month. We might win them both, we might lose. It's such a tense time right now (but that's no excuse for taking it out on others

No offence to this particular poster but this "we" business is what pisses me off about football. The "we" is the players and all the coaches and support team, those who actually affect the result, not the people sitting on their arse at home shouting abuse at the TV. Years of sitting having to listen to football bores at work every single day for most of the year with their sad little rivalries has knocked on the head any chance i might ever have found football the slightest interesting. They'd all spend a good hour or two the day after a match insulting each other based on how well people they didn't know and would never met had kicked a ball around a field at the weekend. They'd fall out with each other over it. I hate football culture.

Dh is into football, used to be much more but he doesnt follow it as such. I would not have have built a life with the sort of person who has to watch every match on tv, goes to football every weekend, shouts at the TV when "we" are winning or losing. I find it all really really tedious. If he suddenly decided to get into football in a big way, too right i wouldn't be sitting there listening to him whine on about "his" team losing.

Op its quite telling that your dp said "what's the point of this". Did he mean the relationship?

I am surprised it has been two years before it got to the conversation you had, OP. He will not change, it is so much a part of his life. You need to decide whether or not you should continue with the relationship.

This, in spades. Big rugby fans in this house. At no point does anyone refer to the teams supported as 'we'. They are well paid professionals, not my chums.

Extraonion, I'm sorry but accompanying your dh on a bird watching trip is completely different, you're at least getting a walk out of it, what would a non football fan get out of watching football? A nice rest on the sofa?!

I hate the 'we' chat too

YANU at all. He can find a friend who likes football to talk to about it. I find football talks one of the most excruciating things in the world. I just want to scream “It’s a fucking game” a bunch of (usually in TV) overpaid twats running round a field after a ball of air. Might be a bit of fun/exercise but that’s it!
Theres nothing wrong with listening to something someone is passionate about, but IME football fans, give them an inch and they’ll take a mile. Show the slightest interest and it will become the sole topic of conversation for years. Best to shut them down with, “ I can see you’re passionate about football, that’s great/a shame x happened. However, I really don’t follow it, it does nothing for me” now quite a few take this as an opportunity to try and convert you with the feverish nature of a tele evangelist in which case you have to be a bit firmer “ I hate football, it’s pointless and I find it suspicious you get so passionate about a load of blokes running and diving round a field, do you not have more productive ways to spend your time/money?”

About the what’s the fucking point? It was rude and aggressive and he shouldn’t have hung up on you. However, I would interpret that as what’s the point in trying to talking to you about the football, in which case, as long as he doesn’t expect an apology, he might be learning that there is no point in trying to talk to you about football - there might be progress!

Yanbu. I have always made it perfectly clear to dh that I have zero interest in sport. I don't care who's playing or what they are doing. I would genuinely rather watch paint dry than a group of men run around a football pitch. He does sometimes tell me things about it and that's fine - as long it's brief and I'm not expected to respond with anything more than "great!' or "oh dear!". In the same way, I'm an avid reader and do not expect him to sit and listen to the plot of the latest book I'm reading. I think it's normal / good to have a few separate interests.

I guess it feels like it's six of one, half a dozen of the other here really.

I'm not interested in loads of things my friends love (currently single). I don't much care about dogs or cats, I don't care about tarot, I'm not bothered about star wars. But equally they might well not be fascinated by my new electric bicycle or my love of science. But we all make an effort to be interested in the things they care about - at least to an extent - because we care about each other. I smile interestedly and ooh and ahh over pictures of animals and discuss the benefits of different tarot decks.

Equally I have some friends who go onnn and onnnn about their animals and basically only want to talk about that - I do struggle with that, and ultimately with friendships that means they fade into a less close category. Obviously that wouldn't work with a relationship.

But I don't think it's unreasonable to learn a bit about a topic you don't find massively interesting to support a friend or partner you otherwise get on well with so you can listen and make appropriate comments when things that are a big deal to them are going on - and wanting to talk about something for a few minutes doesn't seem like the second category to me.

Just tell him you dont understand a word he's saying - premier league blah blah, draw blah blah, points blah blah, important game blah blah, next season blah blah, just STFU!

Gladioli - I don't need to know or learn anything about dogs to listen to a friend talk about them, same with footie