To give up after 5 years of not finding a tribe

[Crocsandshocks]

Name changed for this. 5 years ago I moved as a single parent to a new location for a good job and independent life away from ex. Problem is, 5 years on I still really haven't found a tribe. Time is limited to socialise and getting out in the evenings is difficult for obvious reasons. Would I b u and give up and go back to where I used to live, get a job to tide me over (earning far less) or should I try harder?

If you think about what you post on SM you will see it is the best of your life. This is what we all do, so don't be fooled thinking you are missing out.
My tribe is my family, I have friends but what you see on rom-coms, comedy programmes like motherhood and SM are not real.

What a pretentious twatty post. Are you also ‘uber woke’ too?

Who put you in charge of policing other people’s language, get over yourself!

I am not a white woman and have no problem with OP's usage. OP is understandably lonely and used it quite correctly to mean people who " get her".

I really don't get why female friendship is so sneered at on MN. It is the stuff of life and there is absolutely nothing wrong with going out for brunch and cocktails.

My own uni tribe is scattered but we do meet about twice a year. And yes we drink cocktails.

I agree. I always get the impression on here that wanting friends is bad because our family should be enough, and if it isn’t then we must be doing it wrong!

I love my local friends, yesterday afternoon 9 of us - men and women - met up for an impromptu beer in the sunshine. Chatted some nonsense and went home to finish Sunday. Some of the kids came and they mucked about together, had a can of pop, and it was nice.

Why wouldn’t you want that? It’s nice.

It’s also not either / or - I can have friends AND enjoy my family, infact they are often there at the same time 😬. Imagine!!

Apparently having a group of women friends means drama 🙄 I really think it is so misogynistic. One glance at the Relationship board will show you that men create drama too.

I agree. I was never lonely in London. It's easy to find people you connect with. Way harder in a Home Counties village especially if everyone else is quite money-driven, Nothing wrong with that but DH and I aren't, so we can't talk about our new kitchens, cars, private tennis lessons and skiing holidays because we don't have any. I miss having a group of people to chat to about the world - about politics or science or books beyond chick lit. There are individuals but not a big, easy sociable group.

I love it here and have some lovely friends but they're not the tribe, which has nothing at all to do with drinking prose co and everything to do with being able to think aloud and not constantly censor yourself.

It’s based on a misapprehension, as well. In ancient Athens ( c 400BCE) thé population was divided into ‘tribes’ for the purposes of military service and voting. The Roman republic was also divided into tribes, the word is directly derived from the Latin ‘tribus’. When the Romans came to Gaul and Britain, they identified the various grouping as …..tribes.

there was a fashion in marketing about forty years ago for referring to various consumer groups as ‘tribes’, the difference being that they were preference rather than
socio economic groupings. It didn’t really catch on.

This was a response to the cultural appropriation comments. Sorry, I haven’t worked out linking yet!

I think OP used it in the generally used sense, not in the 400 BC sense. Has no one ever heard this expression? Or can you not move past semantic pointlessness?

I get what your saying, I moved away 10 years ago now and whilst I love my home friends and still visit I get the jealousy sometimes looking at them all doing those things together!

life has taken me to many new places and whilst I have met people and made friends along the way that close friend group has never been there.

But I do find people long the way, ask yourself what do you want to gain from this friendship? and start looking at places you will find similar likeminded people I.E A drinking buddy look at the pub. You like books maybe a book club!

I moved in my late 40s and have really not made any friends in the new location. Loads of friends wherever I work but none locally. It's weird and a bit shit. After 5 years I've made peace with it more or less.

A bit stupidly I'm about to start working from home again full time. I hate commuting 2 hours a day. But now I'll only see my family again. And teens are not that keen on more of my company!!

Become a Cub/Scout leader! Depending on the age of your child find a group where they can go with you! You'll make friends, add life skills and give something back to the community :)

Iv made some lovely friends doing a group activity with my kids - parents get involved too. Perhaps something like that

Ever since I had children I have found it tough a) finding people I want to be friends with b) any of us having the time to. We live several hundred miles away from our nearest relatives and we generally find everyone else spends most of their socialising time with their families. Add in busy life, work etc and it gets really difficult. I’ve met 2 women I would describe as ‘my tribe’ - same humour, similar interests etc - both met by complete accident, one was a neighbour, another was someone who joined my team at work. You could join a couple of things you enjoy doing, but just bear in mind it takes an take a while. I don’t know how people still have huge bunches of friends as an adult, again, must be lots of family support around to help with childcare.

Those moaning about ‘tribe’ ffs lighten up, do we really have to pick at every word? What about supporting the op instead of getting hung up on a word. You don’t look incredibly clever. You look like a pedantic arse.

Hi there, I moved to Southampton in Dec 2020 in the height of lockdown, with my husband and toddler. I've only really made two friends so far and would love to meet other friends. My husband works away alot and I miss my friends and family who live a couple hundred miles away. Because my husband is in the forces it's been hard to meet people as I have no childcare in the evenings like the op. Hugs to you I really feel for you and can relate to alot of what you say. Xx

Hope you find some friends to @Essie8019

Way harder in a Home Counties village especially if everyone else is quite money-driven, Nothing wrong with that but DH and I aren't, so we can't talk about our new kitchens, cars, private tennis lessons and skiing holidays because we don't have any. I miss having a group of people to chat to about the world - about politics or science or books beyond chick lit. There are individuals but not a big, easy sociable group.

I love it here and have some lovely friends but they're not the tribe, which has nothing at all to do with drinking prose co and everything to do with being able to think aloud and not constantly censor yourself.

Perhaps that's it. The area I've moved to is a bit more showy and pretentious (no idea why) and people he judge you on car, house clothes etc. They probably think I'm a single mum in a very no showy house and not worth bothering with.

Sorry phone is playing games!

I get what you mean

And area makes a lot of difference

There are parts of britain - often in big cities where there are people who are from all over the lace, but community minded. They chose to move there and want to make it a good place for everyone else who chose it

Then there are other towns which may be more insular. They do things a certain way, and it is hard to be newcomer and join in\

We are going to move for this reason
Its important to find people who understand life like you do

If you can find a way to make a school evening, weekend , party, that's easier as everyone there has kids and similar issues
Good luck

Episode 1 onwards of series 5 of working mums on Netflix kind of explains it (if you swap out the country rednecks for Conservative voting jolly hockey sticks types) 😂😂