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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off - or do I need to chill

762 replies

marshmallowbooks · 06/05/2022 23:36

Genuine question

DH doesn't go out very often anymore. We are both in our 40s, we work full time, we have kids, life etc etc

However - whenever he DOES go out - it usually ends in disaster.
He doesn't seem to have a stop button. There's usually bodily fluids involved , sometimes more than one, and he often loses/breaks his phone 🙄. He's always terrible at keeping in touch, doesn't reply to texts etc. I always get anxious when he goes out as I don't know when he's going to be home or what he's going to be like (never violent).

Anyway, he's out tonight for a reunion. Before he left, he assured me he would keep in touch. He assured me he wouldn't get too drunk and bring anyone back to the house (this has happened on a couple
Of occasions - with friends). He assured me he wouldn't go back to anyone's house for an after party once the pub was closed yada yada.

I text him about 3 hours ago to let him know one of the kids seems to have chicken pox. No answer.

Text him an hour or so later.....no answer.

The thing that REALLY pisses me
Off is that his phone is never out of his hand at home. Between his phone and smart watch he is always replying
To texts/WhatsApp/emails - ALL THE TIME. It annoys me that he will have seen my texts come in but has ignored them.

So - should I be annoyed? Should I be royally pissed off tomorrow (which realistically Will be the next time I see him)
OR should I just assume he's having a great time with people he's not seen for years and too occupied to reply or look at any texts.

He's also out with the same group tomorrow evening for part two of the reunion!

OP posts:
MzHz · 07/05/2022 13:42

Bunce1 · 06/05/2022 23:43

Definitely chill.

Why on earth would you text to say your child has chicken pox. That’s so manipulative.

Absolutely!

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 13:43

Because, as it says in the OP, he has form for being out of control when he’s drunk

I mean without any detail on what that means, hard to know.

No one pissed on my chips. I’m not the one getting snarky with other posters…

Pumperthepumper · 07/05/2022 13:45

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 13:43

Because, as it says in the OP, he has form for being out of control when he’s drunk

I mean without any detail on what that means, hard to know.

No one pissed on my chips. I’m not the one getting snarky with other posters…

Youre getting snarky at me. How many times does he have to piss the bed before the OP isn’t unreasonable to be annoyed?

Izzabellasasperella · 07/05/2022 13:45

I'll be honest and say that a few years ago at a festival I drank so much alcohol that I passed out and sober dh had to carry me back to the car and into the house (no bodily fluids though) In my defence it was cold and wet and I was taking nips of neat vodka! The difference is I was absolutely mortified the next morning I kept apologising to dh. Thank goodness he was there though I can't imagine what could have happened. I vowed there and then that I would NEVER let that happen again and I've kept that promise.
If the dh here had done it once and learnt from it that's one thing but he hasn't that to me is the crux of the matter. Op knew he was going to get that drunk again so she was scared and worried. Her dh knew this, yet he still did it. Unacceptable behaviour. I guess I'm not a cool wife but I would not let him get away with this.

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 13:50

@Pumperthepumper Sorry, did you not respond to me first with your snarky comment…?

As I said, context is everything. Pissed the bed before, OP’s anger is understandable. Never pissed the bed before and simply gets really drunk when he doesn’t go out often, not a big deal. Not sure what is hard to understand about that.

Pumperthepumper · 07/05/2022 13:52

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 13:50

@Pumperthepumper Sorry, did you not respond to me first with your snarky comment…?

As I said, context is everything. Pissed the bed before, OP’s anger is understandable. Never pissed the bed before and simply gets really drunk when he doesn’t go out often, not a big deal. Not sure what is hard to understand about that.

Pissing the bed, no big deal? Are you sure?

Sofielou · 07/05/2022 13:53

womaniswomaniswoman · 07/05/2022 13:22

Only on Mumsnet is it manipulative to tell your husband when your child is ill, and perfectly normal to not tell your wife when your daughter is hospitalised.

OP this thread was weird from the first response. I would honestly hide it and deal with things today. A lot of the replies are so so far from reality, people are taking the absolute piss.

Agreed

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 13:53

Pumperthepumper · 07/05/2022 13:52

Pissing the bed, no big deal? Are you sure?

Show quote history

Omg are you being deliberately obtuse or are you being selective about what you read?

Pumperthepumper · 07/05/2022 13:56

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 13:53

Omg are you being deliberately obtuse or are you being selective about what you read?

Show quote history

Are you? Did you read the OP’s posts before you commented? Ie the one where she says he pissed on their new couch?

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 13:57

Pumperthepumper · 07/05/2022 13:56

Are you? Did you read the OP’s posts before you commented? Ie the one where she says he pissed on their new couch?

Show quote history

OK clearly you are being both.

That was today. What happened last night that made OP so pissed off?

5128gap · 07/05/2022 13:59

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 13:50

@Pumperthepumper Sorry, did you not respond to me first with your snarky comment…?

As I said, context is everything. Pissed the bed before, OP’s anger is understandable. Never pissed the bed before and simply gets really drunk when he doesn’t go out often, not a big deal. Not sure what is hard to understand about that.

Well the context is that the OP correctly anticipated his behaviour, and was angry because she, also correctly, read the warning signs during the evening that that behaviour would result.
Unless you think that she (unreasonably) thought apros of nothing, there would be a problem, and then by huge coincidence, there happened was one, I fail to see why she was unreasonable last night.

Starlia · 07/05/2022 13:59

Sofielou · 07/05/2022 13:53

Agreed

Show quote history

Totally agree...the level of tryhard in this thread is breathtaking. 😄

Pumperthepumper · 07/05/2022 14:02

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 13:57

OK clearly you are being both.

That was today. What happened last night that made OP so pissed off?

Show quote history

That he can’t handle his drink!

So you didn’t read the thread first?

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 14:02

5128gap · 07/05/2022 13:59

Well the context is that the OP correctly anticipated his behaviour, and was angry because she, also correctly, read the warning signs during the evening that that behaviour would result.
Unless you think that she (unreasonably) thought apros of nothing, there would be a problem, and then by huge coincidence, there happened was one, I fail to see why she was unreasonable last night.

Show quote history

That’s my point. Apart from saying he loses control, his past behaviour is missing from the OP. So it sounds like she’s just being difficult about him going out and drinking too much.

But when you take his past behaviour into account, her upset last night makes sense.

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 14:04

@Pumperthepumper You’re clearly being difficult for the sake of it. Going to leave you to it. Have a good day finding other people’s posts to selectively read and nitpick with.

CrotchetyQuaver · 07/05/2022 14:07

@marshmallowbooks good luck with the talk tonight, I would find all this completely unacceptable. He needs to take a long hard look at himself and his relationship with alcohol. We all make errors of judgement drinking from time (although with the exception of my brother in his alcoholic days) I don't know anyone who has vomited on the pub floor or regularly wets themselves but this is clearly a regular thing for him. Maybe I'm a prude but I couldn't cope with a husband who does that regularly. Please tell me he's cleaned the sofa or will be replacing the pissy cushions from his own money. I'd be absolutely furious and id be worried it only gets worse and as your children get older will be harder to keep from them.

Onwards22 · 07/05/2022 14:08

So you don’t mind him going out but it’s his behaviour when he comes home which is the issue (caused by too much alcohol).

This doesn’t sound like the first time you’ve spoken about it to him and I can’t see how the next time is going to be any different.

When you speak to him later tell him he’ll have to get a hotel from now on and if he pisses the bed then it’s his fault if he gets a fine.

I have pissed myself before (the first child-free night out after having my DD and I went silly) so if it was a one off I’d be annoyed but I’d get him to clean up and get over it.

But this is an on going issue and the only way to resolve it is if he literally doesn’t come that night.

Herejustforthisone · 07/05/2022 14:08

Hey noobs, read the full thread, yeah?

Pumperthepumper · 07/05/2022 14:10

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 14:04

@Pumperthepumper You’re clearly being difficult for the sake of it. Going to leave you to it. Have a good day finding other people’s posts to selectively read and nitpick with.

So no. Next time read the thread before wading in.

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 14:11

Pumperthepumper · 07/05/2022 14:10

So no. Next time read the thread before wading in.

Show quote history

I read the thread. Kindly show me where OP said last night that he has form for wetting the bed?

Pumperthepumper · 07/05/2022 14:13

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 14:11

I read the thread. Kindly show me where OP said last night that he has form for wetting the bed?

Show quote history

Why? If you’ve read the thread you’ll know he does, and that he pissed on their new couch. And that he was sick in the pub last time they went out. So you’ll know he has form for it.

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 14:16

Pumperthepumper · 07/05/2022 14:13

Why? If you’ve read the thread you’ll know he does, and that he pissed on their new couch. And that he was sick in the pub last time they went out. So you’ll know he has form for it.

Show quote history

I said last night.

Sofa wetting happened this morning.

Throwing up in a pub, could have been a one off. Hence my original comment that OP should have given more background information so people can understand why she was so annoyed last night.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 07/05/2022 14:20

Ugh. Some women have such low standards.

YANBU OP.

BrunoMadrigal · 07/05/2022 14:21

@Pumperthepumper I’m going to stop with you. You’re clearly being very selective about what you took from my original post on this thread. No idea what your problem is.

Happy Saturday!

Giraffesandbottoms · 07/05/2022 14:46

It literally says in the OP he has form for releasing bodily fluids (usually more than one type) when drunk.