DS's classmate called me fat

[Feelingblahhing]

Just that!
8 year old boys in the afterschool club and my son tells me on the way home that his classmate came up to him and said "your mum is fat"!!
This boy's mum would be mortified if she knew but he'd obviously lie so there's no point in telling her.

However, it's really made me feel sad! I know it shouldn't but it has. Stupid isn't it?

Oh well, I shan't be taking that boy to the park again!

Are you eight years old yet?

@Moomeh but they haven't said it to the person , theres the difference
I might say xx at work has a bog nose but thats very different than going up to xx and saying wow look at the size of your nose its huge

@Hutchy16 if the OP doesn't want to take him to the park she doesn't have to , if one of the other parents does then thats fine
OP son is cross with him for now thats also fine , likely by next week he will of forgot it

@lljkk nothing like complementing hair is it, its said as an insult
We don't fo around saying look how skinny your legs or isn't your hair plan or flat as most us know to either say something nice or nothing at all
You don't comment negatively on someones appearance
But this post shows exactly why there are some kids out there who think bullying is fine as they obviously have parents who say oh its ok

@Soontobe60 most 8 year olds know its rude , a 3 year old maybe
Same as you wouldn't want someone to say look at your mum shes ugly, underweight etc
But obviously people don't actually teach that
I bet all those saying its a fact would be straight down the school if another child said to theirs your stupid etc , aa after all its only an observation

@GlowUp2022 you don't know how to teach your child right from wrong - wow
Millions have been doing it for years
I mean being underweight is also not good , drinking , smoking etc

Why are you so upset by a child (not a little shit, child) stating a fact??

There has to be more to this?? Calling a child who doesn't have fully formef empathy isn't very nice

Maybe you could use this as a learning experience for you and your child?

Really not sure why your child told their teacher, and not sure why the teacher would say anything the other mother.

Your ma comments are as old as the hills.

There is a great book called break the mould - earning your place in the world.

you and your child could read together

@elizabethdraper no wonder we have rude kids when they have parents like you

I don’t know what’s so confusing about this.

I don’t know how you teach a child that calling someone “fat” isn’t the same as commenting on their hair colour, without teaching them that being fat is an undesirable characteristic. It seems impossible to teach a child that calling someone “fat” is insulting without giving the message that it’s bad to be fat.

In any case, I don’t think I can stop my kids learning that being fat is perceived as a bad thing. They’ll learn that from other kids.

No, of course not beauty is subjective though.

I have never met an physically person in my life.
I have met people who are ugly on the inside, and once you see that, you can never unsee it.

If you regularly met ugly people, that says much more about you

*physically UGLY person

OK ladies, 9pm switch phone off time is quickly approaching for me so I probably won't be back tonight.

Just to clarify, yes I'm overweight, working on it though, working out, eating well, early bedtimes and all that shazzle but it's bloody hard work!

Today just made me feel sad in a way that I didn't think it really would, I've worked behind bars and been called all sorts to my face and that's fine, I don't care, but hearing it from my son's point of view as in that's what his friends think of me hit a nerve why wouldn't it? I'm human, I'm a mother.

What I do care about is my son and his feelings, he was upset by it. We've had a few chats about it tonight, I think he's OK now and has gone to bed not dwelling on it, I hope.

Thank you for your replies

*Are you fat?
Was he just stating a fact?

Maybe this could be time to look at your lifestyle*
@elizabethdraper parents like you create bullies

Oh pull the other one Ronald Dahl

His friend has noticed you’re a size 16, Liam‘d mum has a big nose, Aidan’s mum has some acne scarring, Joe’s mum has massive boobs, Ben’s mum’s teeth are crooked…

You don’t need to give a fuck about a random 8-year-old’s opinion of your appearance. I can see why it might upset you
if it’s something you’re sensitive about (not weight, but can imagine something that would get me in a similar way) but honestly, your kid will probably feel better if you just reassure them it’s not a big deal and doesn’t bother you.

I think it’s ok if children take away from the message that fat is not the ideal scenario and not to comment on it, if the outcome of that is 1) your child understands re health and weight correlation and 2) it stops your child from upsetting people

My children are far rude, if make statements I feel are rude we discuss why it is rude. I certain don't call them little shites.

He have open and honest discussions.

Why are you fat? It is explained in an age appropriate manner.
We also discuss what I am doing to resolve the issue.

Not everything in the world is a screaming battle.

Re the word stupid. That word is banned in our house

If someone called my children stupid they have stock responses.

Like "that is your opinion and you are entitled to it "or "so is your ma"

One of them likes "I am sorry you are hurting"

There is a fab book called "have you filled your book today"

We read and talk about people who are nasty to them are trying to steal from your bucket.
The best way to help is be kind

I think a lot of people on this site should read it 🤔

Ronald Dahl 🤣

If we were a bit more on it with how children communicate maybe we wouldn’t have so many men shouting shitty comments at women in the street/out their car windows etc. it’s true kids say and do stuff they don’t consciously understand is offensive but isn’t the point to guide them to be better not just let them carry on and grow into louts. lets be frank he said it to hurt your son. It’s part of the culture of shaming women, it’s interesting how there are more “your mum” insults than “your dad”.

I would tell the mum, I’d bloody well want to know.

Autocorrect…

OP, I know you've switched your phone off but I wanted to tell you that I teach children of a similar age and they absolutely do not 'speak as they find' or any of the other nonsense pp have said - unless there is SEN involved maybe.

They know that mean opinions should not be shared. In fact, we had a very similar situation in school recently. It was said directly to the mother and overheard by a member of staff. The mother was embarrassed and didn't want to cause a fuss but we told the child's mortified parents, took him to the Head for a stern talking to, and started him on an intervention with a focus of considering the way his words impacted other people.

Who cares if you're overweight. There are a million worse things you could be, and you're doing something about it anyway. I hope you don't dwell on it or let it get you down.

Is this for real? Because that is so incredibly heavy handed and ott. In fact I’d say it verges on bullying they child. I really hope you’ve exaggerated. Because this isn’t ok.

I think your massively over thinking this and over reacting. I would have just said to my 8 year old 'well that's a bit unkind, it's not nice to comment on someone weight' then just breezed past it.

The insults only get worse as they hit high school and boys try to goad each other.

Kids say silly/draft/unkind things all the time. Because they are kids. And I'm sure your own son has done similar.
Don't make a big deal of it.

Sadly he's calling you fat because he thinks you're fat.
Not sure how you can 'take this further'
It is what it is