DS's classmate called me fat

[Feelingblahhing]

Just that!
8 year old boys in the afterschool club and my son tells me on the way home that his classmate came up to him and said "your mum is fat"!!
This boy's mum would be mortified if she knew but he'd obviously lie so there's no point in telling her.

However, it's really made me feel sad! I know it shouldn't but it has. Stupid isn't it?

Oh well, I shan't be taking that boy to the park again!

Id ignore it. Tell your son that that was a very rude boy as most people know that its rude to comment on other peoples appearances

Honestly don’t worry about it or let us bother you any further.
I am very overweight. And disabled with limited mobility.
This week my 12yr old child was on the school bus coming home and the bus drove past me hobbling to collect 7yr old child from primary over the road.
There was an older kid on the bus who had been insulting people all the way and as the bus drive past me my child said he shouted “look at the fat ugly cunt on crutches”.
It upset my child in that they said they wanted to jump up and punch him. I simply smiled and reassured my child I had much bigger problems to worry about than what 15yr old Luca thinks of me.
Then I quietly to myself hope that karma pays Luca a visit one day and I move on.
Kids can be nasty.

Well he’s not wrong. I’m a size 16 and I’m fat. Why has this hit a nerve? He didn’t say ‘your mum is fat and gross’ or anything

Not sure how I'm drip feeding.

My son was upset about the comment. He's dwelling on it because 8yo can do that too. I've told I'm about not being so sensitive to things, stand up for himself etc but during the course of the evening, he's told me he doesn't want to play with him again. I'm fully aware this will probably change by Monday morning playtime.

Not sure what you really want me to do?

I'm not going to say anything to the other mum but I'm also not going to go out of my way to take this boy to the park because that is what my son wants right now! 🤷‍♀️

most people know that its rude to comment on other peoples appearances

Except when someone says

"Ooh I love your new hair cut!"
"Are those earrings new?"
"That new dress you're wearing, the colour really suits you"
and a million other possible comments about appearance that aren't rude at all.

I dunno, either 'fat' is a factual statement like "woman", "Irish" or "teacher" : in which case it's fair game as a simple statement, who cares

/or/

It's a deep insult in which case fat people should be ashamed. Because how else could it be an insult?

Since I don't agree fat people should be ashamed, I vote for calling it a fact -- or opinion, anyway. In other words, zero big deal thing to state.

@Hoothoothoot that's horrible!! Im so sorry that happened to you!!

The 'fat' bit is irrelevant. It would have been equally rude if he'd said the OP was 'skinny and scrawny' or had a big nose or greasy hair - basic law of being a decent person - you don't make remarks about their personal appearance unless they are unequivocally complimentary.

Lol ok…maybe read back all of your comments and you will see the drip feeding and the pettiness.

just remember you are the adult and it is up to you to show your son how to become one. The other kid is irrelevant

Is stating a fact (if indeed this is a fact) equivalent to name calling?

’your mum is a stupid fat idiot’ - name calling and offensive.
’your mum is fat’ - not name calling.
Often, children speak the truth that we adults wouldn’t dream of.

The child was very rude. He clearly wasn’t commenting on it in the way he might have said, your mum has brown hair - so the ‘he said what he saw’ type comments are ridiculous.

And OP wasn’t asking us whether she is overweight, so I’ve no idea why people are commenting on that. Just to be mean probably.

An eight year old knows what they are saying. If my DDs were rude to me at that age, I would tell them off.

OP, do you think you’re not overweight? I’m size 16, exercise a lot, eat well but I eat too much and as a result, I’m fat.
I was doing a writing lesson with some Year1 children about a character in a story. I asked them to think of some words they’d use to describe me to their parents (who’d never seen me as I was new to the school) and try writing them on their whiteboards. Fat came up a lot! So did ‘old’, ‘wrinkly’, ‘tiny’ and ‘smells’. That child did say I smelled like flowers in her garden though 😂

I think for the boy much depends on was he saying it as a statement of fact, like your mums blonde, or was he being mean. If it’s the former your son should be able to say yes, so what, and I guess for the latter too, but take issue he was trying to be mean in that case.

yes at eight arguably he should know better, but sometimes kids just state shit. I don’t agree with the other posters of telling the school and his mum, for me that would be really embarrassing and just make it a much bigger issue.

Oh don't be daft!

"We had lots of unknowingly unkind comments about me not being Ds2’s real mum (he’s adopted). There’s no arguing the fact that I didn’t give birth, but he used to field those comments with, ‘She’s the only mum I want.’"
That's bloody lovely!

Yeah the kid was lacking in tact, like most 8 year olds are, as they are still learning (and tact is a skill some adults still have to master) but at the size you've stated, i would imagine a BMI would come out at overweight or obese, so the kid wasn't wrong...

If this is something thats upsetting you and your ds, then have a quiet word with the childs mum, about how words can hurt people, and then address yourself why this has affected you so much.

Or if you are adamant that your weight isnt an issue then tell you ds that some children say silly things sometimes and not to think about it anymore and carry on as normal 🤷‍♀️

This is the thing, I don’t know how I’d convince my kids that calling someone fat is very rude without also giving them the impression being fat is a very bad thing. Maybe it’s out of my control anyway, they’ll learn it’s seen as a bad thing once they start school.

I think the 8-year-old probably was being deliberately hurtful, rather than simply stating a fact. I wonder if OP’s son has taken it especially badly because he sees it really hurt his mum, though. I know it’s easier said than done, but I think I’d try my hardest to seem unbothered in similar circumstances.

I don’t know how I’d convince my kids that calling someone fat is very rude without also giving them the impression being fat is a very bad thing

Can you not just tell them not to make comments about people's appearance?

Yes, but that could be confusing in its own way because, as another poster has said, we do make comments on appearance. People comment on the appearance of kids constantly. Especially the older one’s hair. If I tell them it’s unkind to comment then how are they supposed to interpret those kindly meant comments from adults?

I agree. People deferring their parenting to ‘school’ is poor parenting.

My children as little 3 year olds made observation comments and were corrected that it was unkind.

Same as the girl with pink hair on the bus, you don’t point and comment.

Teacher your children some manners!

Ok, but then how do I explain what the difference is between that and several adults a day commenting on my daughter’s red curls? What even is the difference?

Also, I’m not deferring parenting to school. What I meant is what despite my best efforts, my children will likely learn that being fat is perceived as a bad thing from their school classmates.

This happened to me my 9yr old DS came home to say his mate called me a Fat elephant. He was so offended on my behalf he told the teacher and the other kid was sent to the head. He was surprised when I saw the funny side and said I had been called worse. I said I was proud of him for sticking up for me but that I really didn't care what a kid in his class thought of me and he didnt need to get upset on my behalf and I was genuine. I mean the insults that fly around between 9yr old boys is...a lot.

Relatedly, on the red hair thing. I really try not to shy away from using the word ginger because I know it’s likely at some point it will be applied to them as a negative thing, and I really would like them to think of it more as a neutral descriptor.

I know there are body positivity activist who like to use the word “fat” about themselves for the same reason. To claim it as a neutral descriptor rather than a negative judgement and take the power out of it as an insult

Honestly, it's an a 8 yr old boy being a bit rude to another 8 yr old boy. Yes it's not kind but most (all) 8 yr old boys are not always kind. I also doubt he considered it would get back to you. As for the people calling him a little shit, you are doing exactly what he has done to OP, name calling behind someone's back.

@elizabethdraper ok so if you deem someone ugly is it ok to say it , no it isn't most of us teach our children manners
Disgusting thing to say