DS's classmate called me fat

[Feelingblahhing]

Just that!
8 year old boys in the afterschool club and my son tells me on the way home that his classmate came up to him and said "your mum is fat"!!
This boy's mum would be mortified if she knew but he'd obviously lie so there's no point in telling her.

However, it's really made me feel sad! I know it shouldn't but it has. Stupid isn't it?

Oh well, I shan't be taking that boy to the park again!

Just a thought, are the 'your mum' jokes going round his class for the first time, with that being a poor early delivery? Some kid said a similar comment to one of my son's recently but he'd never actually seen me. My son just laughed and said he knew he'd never laid eyes on me. The your mum jokes died out quite fast.

No one’s saying it to their faces though are they?

I understand how hurtful it must feel but this child is eight and you are an adult. This is an opportunity to call out poor behaviour. I would definitely talk to the the child’s mother and say that her child is trying to bully your child by calling his mother names.

Taking it personally, give this particular eight year old far too much power over you and your child.

Bullies or people of any age exhibiting poor behaviour hate being called out.

Fucking hell!!! Want some salt with that!! 🤣🤣

I posted to just get off my chest rather than dwell on it but judging from this comment, I deserve to be called fat!

I guess I'm more upset about my son having to deal with that level of nastiness from a supposed friend.

I'll leave it for now. If the boy says something again to DS, I'll take it further.

Thanks for the replies..... well most of them 🤣🤣

My son said he told the teacher so, to be fair, she should have mentioned it to the other mum at collection time.

Why? Teachers don’t tell parents about every minor mean thing children say at the end of the day, they’d be there all night!

I’d want to know if the other child really did come up out of nowhere to tell your son that you’re fat, or whether they were bickering already or something else was going on. Remember your son is just as likely to lie or adjust the truth as the other boy.

You are overreacting. Being called fat by 8 yo boy is hardly a reason to feel 'sad' especially given you are indeed a larger size person. Your son told the teacher that the boy was rude. What else do you want to do? The teacher will likely to tell his mum anyway

Talking to the mother might be embarrassing though because 16/18 is overweight and if her child doesn’t know about being kind I doubt she will!

There is no irony here. I wouldn't dream of speaking to someone rudely but I will call out bad behavior when I see it and all I said was op should address it with the teacher.

Why would you possibly tell the parent or the teacher here? Massive over reaction from an 8 year old comment.

Children are cruel but rise above it. It is unkind but you have said that you are happy and healthy so move on.

Hi didn't say it to your face - so he didn't literally call you fat.
Are you worried about your son's or your feelings?
If you feel your son is being bullied I would discuss with the teacher, otherwise its a massive non event.

Yes, calling someone you will never meet - who’s been unkind - a ‘little shit’ on an anonymous forum, is exactly the same as actually being unkind to someone in person.

@FairyCakeWings well there is an element of that, my son says the other boy just came over to him and said your mum is fat, no previous discussions! How do you prove that either way?

That's why I'm not going to bother any further with it.

Also, I've had the chat with my son about being mean, saying things that can upset people etc so he knows what this boy said is mean.

Teach your son to reply with, maybe, but she’s lovely ☺️.

We had lots of unknowingly unkind comments about me not being Ds2’s real mum (he’s adopted). There’s no arguing the fact that I didn’t give birth, but he used to field those comments with, ‘She’s the only mum I want.’

There will always be uncomfortable comments from kids (they’re still learning the rules)- we need to show them the alternatives.

I worked in a PRU- I’ve been called just about everything. I sometimes think when kids are a little envious/sad, they turn to saying something unkind. Perhaps he wanted his mum to be there…

How do you get ‘deserved’ from that comment? Are you not overweight? I’ve clearly said it was unnecessary and mean for the child to say that to your son 🤷‍♀️

I see 2 things here…one is the fat comment, that needs to be fed back to the parent so that it can be addressed. He needs to learn how to behave, and he can’t do that without guidance, which is what he will get if you let his mum know.

the second thing is…no longer inviting him to the park isn’t a fair and representational punishment. It is isolating the boy from his friends because he made one mean comment. He is 8, he needs a normal punishment, like missing his Xbox for the weekend, or no sweets for a week…not for an adult to spit their dummy out and refuse to take him out with friends

Exactly, your son is unlikely to tell you if he said something mean too so having the talk about how being unkind upsets people is all you can do. The other boy probably knows it was a mean thing to say too, that’s why he said it,

I think you’re right just to let it go.

@Imissmoominmama

amazing advice!

@Hutchy16 my son has said that he doesn't want to play with him anymore..... should I just invite the other boy anyway?

@Imissmoominmama great advice!

It sounds like a generalised and meaningless insult that would have been thrown out whether you were a size 4 or a size 20.

Definitely don't do him any favours in the future, OP.

Say what?

The rude little oik was 8!

He should know better

for starters, you are drip feeding because you don’t agree with people who think YABU, and you made no previous mention of your son saying he doesn’t want to play with him anymore.

BUT

If it’s a group setting and there are other parents taking them as you previously advised then yes, the boy should still be invited. You have no idea of the spirit in which it was said, whether nasty, factual, just plain silly, and your punishment is unfair, and ridiculously childish for an adult.

you should be teaching you son about conflict resolution, how to get along with people you don’t necessarily like because he will have people in his friendship groups in the future that aren’t his cup of tea. You should be teaching him to let thing go, and making him more resilient, not having him back away from a silly (albeit mean) comment.

however, just to caveat that, if the child is bullying yours then yes obviously you don’t bring him

Nice.