To be annoyed MIL cleaned the bathroom

[Clementinemist]

I went to a hen party over the weekend, and DH's parents popped round for a dinner while I was away. We keep our flat very clean and tidy. Our main bathroom wasn't dirty, but could have done with a light clean; probably some of my hair in the plug/around the shower, cabinet was a bit dusty, mirror needed a polish, a bit of limescale around the taps. I've just started a new job and an evening course, been really busy, and didn't have time to give it a once over before I left. (Just to note DH does his share of housework, I usually do the bathroom).

Anyway, MIL decided to thoroughly clean the bathroom while she was here. She emptied the bin which included my used tampons/sanitary towels, possibly condoms. I'm not awkward or uncomfortable about periods/sex or anything, but that's pretty personal. I'm a bit annoyed that she took it upon herself to clean my home, it's not like it was filthy, and has gone into my bin for no reason whatsoever. AIBU?

God...id be thrilled.

Totally and utterly missed the point.
Jesus is your life completely 2 dimensional.
Its not about MIL trying to ‘be nice’ and ‘help’ The feelings behind this are far more complex.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, be very thankful that no one has ever undermined you or made you feel shit / not good enough.

It's not clear if she asked your DH if he was okay with this. Did she say 'look I know you are both pushed for time, how about I give the bathroom a quick once over while I'm here?'

I feel it's a bit invasive. If she had been sleeping at your place, fair enough (as cleaning would be for her own comfort too) but not if she was only there for the evening.

I don't think it's right for her to nosy in your bathroom cabinet.

Just to clarify the bin wasn't overflowing with tampons and condoms! I had been on my period for like 2 days when I left it, I always empty the bin at the end of my period, day 5. If you tell me you banish your used period items from the house immediately after they're used and burn them or something, you're lying or possibly have some issues!

(Usually before day 5 too, depends how full the bin is!)

“Complex feelings” 🤔🤔

If it were me, I’d see that DIL very busy new job and study, son also busy and neither able to keep up with housework. So I’d want to help BOTH of them.

Yes could be some sort of passive aggressive BS but unlikely.

Nobody’s thought son may have complained to Mummy?

I would feel judged as well.

My MIL does this sort of thing all the time. She is lovely and she means well, but it drives me mad. She would never dream of doing some impromptu cleaning/tidying/cupboard rearranging at her friends’ houses and would consider it terribly rude if anyone did it at her house, but it’s different for her (grown adult!) children.

She does mean it kindly, though, and no amount of gentle steering will discourage her, so I mostly grit my teeth and pick my battles. (Tidying the fridge, fine if you must, but PLEASE DO NOT iron and put away my underwear.)

Did she ask your DH first?

It does depend on relationship - if my mum were to do this, DH and I would feel that was just being nice. If MIL were to do it, it would definitely be intended as a comment; although she wouldn't do it, she'd just make pass-agg comments about 'Is your cleaner still coming?'

I don't think anyone would voluntarily clean someone's bathroom to spite them. even if it was a bit over familiar, she did it as a way of being nice so IMO you should get over it and get on with your life. It's hardly worth getting worked up over.

She can come clean my bathroom whenever she likes, I hate doing it. Also hate ironing, she can come do that too. I think with age I am grateful to anyone making my life easier. I would tell her when can she start on the kitchen? The cupboards need doing. And I am being totally serious.

Emptying other people's bins is not a good idea. I knew a woman who stored her sex toy in the bathroom bin in case she ever got killed in a road accident, she didn't want her loved ones finding it in the bedside drawer.

Genuinely, the limescale where I live is unreal. It starts to build up noticably within about 2 days. Super hard water area.

When threads like this pop up on here there's always a very deep divide between the likes and dislikes.

As pp said, no right or wrong, just opinions.

It would annoy the hell out of me, having said that, there's no way in hell I'd be cleaning the bathroom of anyone who's in good health. Obviously if they're in need of help that's a different matter but I'd ask beforehand.

Some people just find it weird.

I remember when my youngest had just had one of her babies and my other DD went to visit (not staying over) with the idea of helping her out a bit with housework.

Youngest DD wasn't having any of it, wouldn't even left her sister hoover the living room.

Really rude and crossing a boundary. If it's not up to her standard she doesn't come round / use the bathroom. Maybe she was trying to conceal her own mess or something though? If she's not usually the type to interfere / be invasive.

Personally I think it's just as inappropriate to have a bin full of used condoms and tampons on display
”On display”

Perhaps you’re confusing ‘pedestal bin’ with ‘on a pedestal’? Or you think the OP has a see-through bin, perhaps under a spotlight?

This

My MIL (RIP) used to come round when I was at work , husband worked from home and take piles of ironing- I wouldn't have minded except she used to say 'crikey doesn't seem to be able to keep on top of the ironing' -- I had a full time job, commuted, had son at nursery, and helped H with business admin. She was in her 50s and did sweet FA !! No mention of her son not doing any ironing-!!

My Mum always does some housework whenever she is at ours watching the kids - I must admit I feel slightly uncomfortable with it too but that’s just because I’m a slightly defensive person and would really prefer she spent her time at ours with the children having quality time with them. Our house is tidy but in terms of cleaning I do sometimes fall behind slightly.

I am mindful that she’s really just trying to help me out, knowing that I’m always super busy, and she means absolutely no harm or criticism of my housekeeping skills by doing it. One woman helping out another id say!

Yeah, that's how I'd feel as well I think so I'm kind of on the fence about it

So your DH and your FIL hung out while your MIL cleaned the bathroom?

I wouldn't take it as a judgement of your home. Mothers do this kind of thing. I got overcome by a compulsion to clean my dd home (kitchen and bathroom mostly.) It's weird because I barely get a compulsion to clean my own home!
She wouldn't have done it if you were there. She was tidying up for her ds. If they are over again while you are out tell your dh to ask her not to clean, in the nicest possible way.

My mum used to come and visit, clean everything, do all the laundry break the washing machine by putting too much in it and do all the jobs I told her not to do. Making my bed was a step over the line though.

My MIL used to do things like this and I hated it, it felt like she was saying my home was unclean (it wasn't), she would also do the ironing if I wasn't there, including my DHs underpants - wtf irons underpants?? I actually get on very well with my MIL especially now she has stopped doing this!

To make her feel better about herself, I suppose? A person who genuinely wants to help out does not make comments about it; just gets on with it.

MIL has been intrusive and judgemental in general. I would generally be annoyed by this.

However, she may have gone to use the bin and saw that is full of rank stuff that was causing an unpleasant odour., and this prompted her to do a full clean and tidy to disguise the fact that she just wanted to empty your bin.

Lesson is, don't leave these kind of products in your bin when you have guests coming round. Rule number one in our house - and we are far from clean freaks - is make sure the bins are empty and the bathroom is clean.