To be annoyed MIL cleaned the bathroom

[Clementinemist]

I went to a hen party over the weekend, and DH's parents popped round for a dinner while I was away. We keep our flat very clean and tidy. Our main bathroom wasn't dirty, but could have done with a light clean; probably some of my hair in the plug/around the shower, cabinet was a bit dusty, mirror needed a polish, a bit of limescale around the taps. I've just started a new job and an evening course, been really busy, and didn't have time to give it a once over before I left. (Just to note DH does his share of housework, I usually do the bathroom).

Anyway, MIL decided to thoroughly clean the bathroom while she was here. She emptied the bin which included my used tampons/sanitary towels, possibly condoms. I'm not awkward or uncomfortable about periods/sex or anything, but that's pretty personal. I'm a bit annoyed that she took it upon herself to clean my home, it's not like it was filthy, and has gone into my bin for no reason whatsoever. AIBU?

I am sure she didn't actually look through the bin contents, before throwing it away.
unless she said you're a dirty unclean person, don't worry about it.
she probably thought she was helping you, and did it with good intention.
Unless you're going to give us a drip feed 😄

I wish I had a MIL like her.

Not at all 🙄

Used condoms and sanitary supplies start to smell after a while - if guests then need to use your bin they don't really want to see or smell that - it's just a bit grim to me 🤢

But apparently it's all pearl clutchy and weird on MN to keep those things out of sight from guests 🤔

Nope, not lying and I don't have issues either - just find it really grim to leave stuff like that in the house for days on end.

I empty the bathroom bin daily when I have my period and it goes straight in the outside bin.

Yeh this!!!

Totally with you OP, would have royally pissed me off too. You don't go round someone's house for dinner and rearrange the contents of their bathroom cabinets as a "nice gesture". You take a bunch of flowers or a bottle of plonk.

I wouldn't like it either OP, but I like my bathrooms to be scrupulously clean- especially if guests are coming.

Sorry OP but I have to agree. I don't leave sanitary stuff or condoms in the bathroom bin- I take that stuff downstairs immediately. And hairs in the plug is just gruesome- do you expect other people to use the sink?

It depends on the relationship you have with your mother. My own mother is a bit OCD and cleans her own living space far too much (vacuums and mops everyday, deep cleans twice a week, etc) I know I can not (and would never want to) live up to her standards, so I don't try. Her cleaning my bathroom would be her way of saying "You should do better, Maria!"

So from my perspective, I absolutely understand why a person would find that intrusive and a bit rude.

You and I are far too grown up for MN! Anyone's free to come and clean my house.

Have to agree that, whilst I would find it annoying that someone cleaned my bathroom, leaving used tampons and, possibly, condoms in a bathroom bin for days on end is pretty grim.

Maybe MIL needed to use the loo and finding the smell unpleasant decided that you must have forgotten to empty the bin so did it for you; I say 'you' because she would have seen the tampons and probably felt uncomfortable about mentioning it to your DH.

She probably also noticed the hair in the shower and thought while she was emptying the bin she'd go the whole hog and just clean the bathroom.

I wouldn't be offended if my DM or MIL did this, I'd be grateful they've given me a hand with it. If you didn't like it maybe mention it in a jokey way if you feel you can, if not just don't let them come in your house while you're away again

Whether or not it feels judgemental probably depends on your relationship with MIL. Would you have felt the same if your DM had done it?

I would have been happy that someone cared enough to take the time effort to clean my bathroom rather than feel inadequate.

For me if MIL had done it occassionally I wouldn't mind or asked if I wanted a hand with anything . I always cleaned (imo) thoroughly before they arrived but she always managed to find something and started the moment she came in.
Its hard not to feel judged or caught out when the first thing someone does is look around to see what they can clean before engaging in conversation, or playing with kids etc

I think it depends on the relationship you have with the person doing the cleaning whether or not it’s unreasonable. For example, if my late mil had done this it would’ve 100% been an act of passive aggression. If it had been my late aunt, it would’ve 100% been an act of love and care.

My mother once caught one of my brother’s girlfriends sneaking across the landing in the dead of night. Not to join my brother, but to clean the bathroom! She’d brought her own marigolds too! My mother was hugely offended!

Was your DH happy with his DM cleaning the bathroom? Presumably he was, or he would've stopped her.

So YABU!

I had to sit in my Dds flat waiting for the fibre optic man, they gave the rdv between 8.00 - 13.00, (my dd had an important health specialist appointment.)
While I waited, 4 hours, I emptied the dishwasher & cleaned the filter.
Took out her recycling & cleaned the bins
Cleaned the sinks
Turned over her sofa cushions
Did a load of washing ( which I took home to hang on the line & iron)
Cleared her worktops and dusted.
& hoovered.
I left before she got home.
The next day she arrived with flowers & said she actually cried with the relief.

In my defence, she has massive back pain & other health problems.
I wouldn't have done the same for my daughter in law.

Equally if you have visitors, even if it's family, you don't leave dirty tampons and used condone stinking out the place 🤢

My mum does this if we go away/when I was giving birth in hospital.

I love it, as it means that I don't have to tidy when I get home tired.

I wouldn't mind if MIL did this tbf, it's a nice gesture on the face of it unless I knew she was snooping/or had made snide comments in the past.

😂😂😂
Cottage pie is in the oven and the bins are emptied. 😗
(er, you're not called Monica, are you? 😉)

Yes, if you have friends visiting do you leave soiled items of body fluids in the bathroom bin? Or would you/dh make an effort to clean up a bit. Mil's no different.

@Blarting - hate the enviromental unfriendliness of using almost one full kitchen roll per clean instead of cloths that can be washed, plus using unnecessary chemicals in large quantities, not diluted properly. Could damage items plus really harmful for aquatic life. Maybe that makes me an arse.

It's a pisser, isn't it?

I had a new bathroom just before Christmas, and I''ve had to use limescale remover on the basin plughole twice already. I've now taken to drying it every time I use it. If I go away and forget to chuck anti-limescale stuff down the bog before I go, there is discernible scale build up in the pan by the time I get back.

I considered having a water softener put in, but they take up quite a bit of space and as it's a small house with not enough storage space, I decided against it. I'm slightly regretting that now.

😁

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Equally if you have visitors, even if it's family, you don't leave dirty tampons and used condone stinking out the place 🤢

You can do what you want in your own house, it's in other peoples houses you watch your behaviour.
And the OP doesn't state if she knew in laws were going to be visiting anyway.