To be annoyed MIL cleaned the bathroom

[Clementinemist]

I went to a hen party over the weekend, and DH's parents popped round for a dinner while I was away. We keep our flat very clean and tidy. Our main bathroom wasn't dirty, but could have done with a light clean; probably some of my hair in the plug/around the shower, cabinet was a bit dusty, mirror needed a polish, a bit of limescale around the taps. I've just started a new job and an evening course, been really busy, and didn't have time to give it a once over before I left. (Just to note DH does his share of housework, I usually do the bathroom).

Anyway, MIL decided to thoroughly clean the bathroom while she was here. She emptied the bin which included my used tampons/sanitary towels, possibly condoms. I'm not awkward or uncomfortable about periods/sex or anything, but that's pretty personal. I'm a bit annoyed that she took it upon herself to clean my home, it's not like it was filthy, and has gone into my bin for no reason whatsoever. AIBU?

I’d feel the same way as you, OP, and would be very uncomfortable with someone taking it upon themselves to clean my home while visiting.

Threads like this make me feel awful though because there is no way one of my used sanitary products could stay in a bathroom bin for any period (boom tish) of time and not stink the place out.
I shower every day and am not a smelly person, but I just find used pads and tampons to be very smelly and so I either put into a bathroom bin and empty it asap, or just bag and put straight into the wheelie bin outside.

I accept that the smell issue may just be me, though.
However, I can’t imagine that a bin of used pads/tampons plus potentially some used condoms would make a bathroom smell anything but revolting. I can’t believe your husband didn’t empty the bin ahead of having guests over.

I’d be delighted.

If I went round to my sons house and saw it was bogging I’d do the same.

Don’t make a fuss, try and get on with his Mum, clean up.

Crikey you're the only person in the universe that can clean properly, with right products etc?

Feel free to practise at mine.

I love the way MN replies will jump on the OP no matter what.

In this thread apparently someone having used sanitary products and condoms in their own bathroom bin is rank, but on another thread the OP is being criticized for not liking her guest bed being covered with someone's jizz.

Haters gotta hate!

I’m a mother in law who has cleaned a bathroom. However I asked first what they would like me to do to help ( first visit to see new grandchild abroad) . I’m sure she was only trying to be helpful though. Not worth falling out over unless there are lots of other things which you find intrusive

I'd hate that. I can't stand people touching my stuff. MIL used to do it when she babysat even if I'd scrubbed the whole house. She would rearrange things. FIL would do DIY. They definitely feel our home is an extension of their own. I find it really intrusive and infantilising.

I bet there are a lot on MN who would swap your mil who does your cleaning for their own mil who is not very kind to them. Stop moaning and thank her.

My MIL used to do this a lot. Before sitting down when she arrived she'd check if there was any washing up to do, and do it, even if it was a cup or a plate.
And she always rearranged how I kept the cloths, washing up liquid etc by the sink.
She usually did some other unnecessary tidying/cleaning "pottering" .
I sometimes felt like the house inspection was a greater part of their visit than actually seeing us.

I'm sure she meant it to be helpful but to me the unspoken message was the house is not clean enough. I do miss her though.

I imagine it was the dirty bin causing you embarrassment rather than the fact she was cleaning.
You have just started a new job and are busy - she was trying to be nice.
Just forget it.

You could have emptied the bin, how long does that take ? MIL probably did think dirty bugger she'd be right.

She probably thought your DH was being a lazy dosser and didn't want you picking up after her son when you got back. Be thankful. 😁

Lime scale builds up very quickly, at least here where we have very hard water.

A little crust builds up at the base of my bathroom taps and round the plughole if I don't clean it daily, and use shower spray after every shower.

Send your MIL over to mine, will ya?

I am in awe of people's reactions to the bin - the designated location for waste. We wrap up used sanitary stuff tightly in toilet paper before binning. Our bin does not smell. I seriously doubt the OP's bin was stinking.

I know people who would do this sort of cleaning out of pure generosity of spirit. I also know one person who does this regularly at her in-laws where it involves judgement and control. Only you know the spirit in which it was intended based on her character.

It depends on the person cleaning, usually I hate it if somebody does something like this. But, there are a few people in my life where it would just be a lovely non judgemental act of kindness.

Why not just ask her to put things back where she found them, as you struggle to find things after she's cleaned?

I used to feel the same when my MIL would do this but over the years I've realised it's not because she's judging me - but that she's trying to support me and DH in any way she can. We both have heavy work schedules whilst juggling the 2DC, a dog and all the housework. I love the fact she sometimes cleans, tidies and does the ironing if/when she wants to come round. It's her way of feeling useful - I embrace it. She deep cleaned my kitchen the other day - it was bliss walking into it.

Emptying a bin full of used condoms and tampons is a step too far imo. I wouldn’t be as arsed about her wiping the taps and mirror down but emptying that crossed the line.

My MIL used to do the same. I would clean the house thoroughly before she came but she would still ‘help’ by recleaning. I realised that this was how she showed her love. Her way of caring was by cleaning, cooking, washing. I learnt to accept it for that.

Please please send your MIL to my house. I would absolutely love to have a MIL who did that. My own mother wouldn't dream of cleaning anything. Thought cobwebs were good for catching spiders, no chance you'd find her dusting anything. She left a dead mouse in the toaster and another on the floor for a month. Her walls and car were thick with tobacco tar. That's the bits of the car you could see like the roof. I'd be inviting your MIL over more often if I were you. Don't worry about her poking around, what's she going to see that she hasn't seen in a lifetime of being a mother.

I have done in the nicest, least confrontational way. ‘Mum I find it hard to find stuff when you clean. I’d really rather you relaxed when you are here but if you really want to do it can you put stuff back where you find it?’. To no avail which is why I find it invasive.

Id hate it. Some people like it, but others dont. Theres no right or wrong but Id not want it to happen again

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong here, it depends on your dynamic and relationship. Of course on the face if it it’s helpful if someone cleans up. My own MIL has often does this but she also took it upon herself to let herself into our new home when we were on our honeymoon, rifle through my belongings in my bedroom (including all drawers, under bed storage etc) under the guise of ‘tidying up a bit because you both had to leave in such a rush), reorganise wardrobes which included bringing her own things and stashing them (‘because it will save us having to bring all our essentials next time’) and reorganising and cleaning the fridge to suit her way because ‘that’s what her son is used to.’ No doubt you’ll see what I’m getting at here. There’s helping and there’s helping (themselves.)

I dont really understand the people in the thread trying to get others to see that theyre wrong on this. Its a personal thing, nobody is wrong to feel how they feel about others in their private space. People are allowed boundaries, if a mum or MIL crosses them then thats not OK. Id always ask my children if they mind. Its common decency.

There is nothing unhealthy about leaving condoms or sanitary products in a bin. It's a bin. It's what it's for. What do you think is going to happen?