To be annoyed MIL cleaned the bathroom

[Clementinemist]

I went to a hen party over the weekend, and DH's parents popped round for a dinner while I was away. We keep our flat very clean and tidy. Our main bathroom wasn't dirty, but could have done with a light clean; probably some of my hair in the plug/around the shower, cabinet was a bit dusty, mirror needed a polish, a bit of limescale around the taps. I've just started a new job and an evening course, been really busy, and didn't have time to give it a once over before I left. (Just to note DH does his share of housework, I usually do the bathroom).

Anyway, MIL decided to thoroughly clean the bathroom while she was here. She emptied the bin which included my used tampons/sanitary towels, possibly condoms. I'm not awkward or uncomfortable about periods/sex or anything, but that's pretty personal. I'm a bit annoyed that she took it upon herself to clean my home, it's not like it was filthy, and has gone into my bin for no reason whatsoever. AIBU?

On the one hand I'd find this weirdly intrusive, but on other I hate cleaning and pay a cleaner. You don't mention DC. I've got a new baby and now I'd take any help going (does your MIL want to come around mine?). I'd bite your tougne and enjoy the clean bathroom.

I personally would find it intrusive but my MIL did go through my trash and take out things she thought I should keep. It really depends on the relationship you have and the kind of people you both are whether this kind of thing is welcome or not.

It's very invasive and inappropriate.

Thats awful

“Very clean and tidy” does not equal lime scale build up!
Nor does it equal used towels and condoms in the bin!

It's interesting lots of people are saying it's inappropriate.

Personally I think it's just as inappropriate to have a bin full of used condoms and tampons on display in the bathroom when you have a guest staying!

That's not to say it should all be on OP of course - her husband should have noticed and emptied the bin before his mum came over.

This thread is unreal.

Somebody trying to help out is dismissed as rude/invasive/inappropriate.

Fgs get a grip. Every woman has periods, and as for the condoms, how do you think her son got here?

Usual MN mil hate. Says more about you than your Mil.

Personally I'd have emptied the bin before I went if I knew MIL was coming.

She did a nice thing for you.

I agree if there were condoms in the bin then DH should have emptied it before MIL came round. But sanitary towels? Why shouldn't they be in the bin?! As long as they are all rolled up neatly and not just shoved in all manky and as long as the bins not overflowing.

I understand how you feel. My ex MIL used to do stuff like that too and I hated it. I’m obsessed with cleaning so she would do stuff like rearranging cupboards. Same as your MIL who rearranged your bathroom cabinet. It’s intrusive and very disrespectful of your privacy. I don’t know how the relationship with your MIL is, my ex MIL is a gem of a woman and I loved her but I did not like her going trough my private stuff.

Otoh, I have a friend who suffers from mental health issues and a few years ago her house was in an absolute mess. Dirty plates, left over foods, clothes, cat hair everywhere, dirty litter tray, not just messy but downright dirty and I was shocked to see the mess. As I said I’m very much a cleaning person so the first thing I wanted to do was grab some cleaning supplies and start tidying up. I offered her to help her clean the flat when she apologized for the mess but she refused (which I understood & respected). But I can understand the temptation to start cleaning when you see the home of a loved one messy & they have no time or energy to clean it.

On the fence with this one. I’d find what she did judgemental and intrusive, but your bathroom doesn’t sound very nice (and my standards fall way below mumsnet ones).

I doubt she examined the contents of your bin tbh, she pulled out the bag, knotted it and threw it in the Wheely bin outside
The bathroom needed a once over and as she was there she gave it one. I might feel embarrassed if it were really bad but I'm sure she thought nothing of it and you shouldn't either.
She probably thought she was doing you both a favour and unless she knew for definite it was one of your jobs not dh's it was done to make life easier for you.

Why judgemental?
You were away for the weekend so presumably MIL thought DH had his hands full with kids and preparing dinner.
She probably also realises that you have your hands full a lot of the time.
So she helps you out as she notices your bathroom is probably not as clean and tidy as you would like.
No judgement. No need for offence to be taken.

My Mum deep cleans my house every time she comes to stay. People tell me I should be eternally grateful but honestly I hate it.

Shes trying to be helpful but it feels judgmental. It also feels very invasive and I can never find where things are when she goes home. I ask her not to do it and to relax when she visits but it’s like she finds it completely impossible.

It’s a source of much contention. So I get how you feel. Luckily my MIL wouldn’t dream of it!

I absolutely hate it when my mum cleans our bathroom (we share the house, she has her own).
It feels like a violation and really judgmental.
The bathroom bin feels very personal.
It's something she does that causes a massive row. It's a big red button for me. Even if I've cleaned it, if we have a guest staying she will sneak upstairs and 'clean' it again.

Yup she's been snooping.

She cleaned her son's bathroom and he didn't tell her not to.

She came and saw her son while you were out having fun and helped with some chores while she was there. She sounds like a dream.

I wouldn't have liked it either. Mainly because there is always the potential for someone else always uses the wrong products on the bath / shower screen etc or in the wrong quantities.

One of the reasons I got fucked off with our cleaner. I left out all the right products for her to use, made sure she had enough cloths etc, but she constantly used kitchen roll to clean and a general purpose cleaner in the bathroom that didn't shift limescale etc. She would use huge amounts of floor cleaner rather than measuring the correct amounts meaning that the floors were left slippy.

I also fucking hate my MIL reorganising the kitchen / moving things to how she things they should be ...

Just to add OP, my mother has a cleaner who does nearly everything in the home but she refuses to let this lady clean her bedroom/ change her sheets and the en suite bathroom because she considers that as a space that’s too private and so she does that by herself. I know other people that don’t have an issue with it at all. I guess it really depends on how you feel about this and it’s perfectly okay to feel not happy with the situation.

She probably though because you been extra busy with work she would do you both a good turn. I'm sure it came from a good place but yes I personally don't like people cleaning for me unless an emergency like if I was really ill or broke a leg or when I first had my babies I was glad and grateful of the help. But if it's something I just hadn't got round to I would prefer them to leave it as I'm independent like that. I would just try to forget it and know it was meant well and be thankful but hint on in a nice way you rather she just spend time with your son than worry about you and your husband's cleaning.

You're overracting. You were away for the weekend and she probably thought she'd help out her son. If it bothers to tell him to insist she doesn't need to bother next time.

Presumably this is the only bathroom for guests to use? If so, then your husband should have emptied the bin and spent 10 minutes doing a quick wipe round and bleach before inviting visitors round.

if they turned up unannounced, then as popper- inners they have to understand that they then take the house as they find it, not every house is permanently visitor-ready.

I would find what your MIl did invasive. Easy to clean the loo / basin on the pretext of cleaning up after yourself, but there’s no need to rummage in cabinets.

My mum does it. I love it!

Am also laughing at the people who are shuddering at having used sanitary products on display. Don't most bins have lids? I certainly wouldn't be emptying a small bathroom bin until full condoms or not!