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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed MIL cleaned the bathroom

421 replies

Clementinemist · 06/05/2022 00:14

I went to a hen party over the weekend, and DH's parents popped round for a dinner while I was away. We keep our flat very clean and tidy. Our main bathroom wasn't dirty, but could have done with a light clean; probably some of my hair in the plug/around the shower, cabinet was a bit dusty, mirror needed a polish, a bit of limescale around the taps. I've just started a new job and an evening course, been really busy, and didn't have time to give it a once over before I left. (Just to note DH does his share of housework, I usually do the bathroom).

Anyway, MIL decided to thoroughly clean the bathroom while she was here. She emptied the bin which included my used tampons/sanitary towels, possibly condoms. I'm not awkward or uncomfortable about periods/sex or anything, but that's pretty personal. I'm a bit annoyed that she took it upon herself to clean my home, it's not like it was filthy, and has gone into my bin for no reason whatsoever. AIBU?

OP posts:
Blarting · 06/05/2022 13:43

CoralPaperweight · 06/05/2022 13:28

@Blarting - hate the enviromental unfriendliness of using almost one full kitchen roll per clean instead of cloths that can be washed, plus using unnecessary chemicals in large quantities, not diluted properly. Could damage items plus really harmful for aquatic life. Maybe that makes me an arse.

I'm sure you do, but I'm sure many others do too and are perfectly capable of cleaning without committing those crimes.

Autienotnaughtie · 06/05/2022 13:47

@fairylightsandwaxmelts op wasn't there?? But yes dh could have emptied bin. Tbf he probably didn't realise dm would be looking in it.

toomuchlaundry · 06/05/2022 14:46

Interesting that the FIL was also there but didn't feel the need to clean the bathroom. Why do women feel the need to do this in someone else's home

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 06/05/2022 15:08

Autienotnaughtie · 06/05/2022 13:47

@fairylightsandwaxmelts op wasn't there?? But yes dh could have emptied bin. Tbf he probably didn't realise dm would be looking in it.

I know - I did say in a previous post that it's not all on her - her DH should have emptied it if he knew his mum was coming over.

Original poster
Clementinemist · 06/05/2022 16:07

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 06/05/2022 10:41

Nope, not lying and I don't have issues either - just find it really grim to leave stuff like that in the house for days on end.

I empty the bathroom bin daily when I have my period and it goes straight in the outside bin.

Show quote history

I'm really happy for you :)

OP posts:
watchingrnfire · 06/05/2022 16:12

I would love someone to clean my bathroom. But I understand I would hate if my mil did because she's the type to go and gossip-over exaggerate about how filthy it was that she had to clean it and be all judgemental. That I could not deal with. She already claims my house is messy because of the kids toys, she hates seeing toys. She expects it all to be hidden from sight

NancyJoan · 06/05/2022 16:13

airrrrAIRRRRiELLLL · 06/05/2022 13:18

Yes, if you have friends visiting do you leave soiled items of body fluids in the bathroom bin? Or would you/dh make an effort to clean up a bit. Mil's no different.

If a friend is visiting during the two weeks that DD and I (between us) menstruate, they probably would encounter a bathroom bin, lid down and liner in, containing a used tampon. I’m not emptying the bin every 3 hours, even for guests.

Original poster
Clementinemist · 06/05/2022 16:25

Also I've discovered she's taken it upon herself to throw away a bottle of nice bath oil I got for Christmas that was definitely still a quarter full (the label had peeled off). Unacceptable. Although I'm so gross according to some people on here I guess she must have assumed it was something disgusting or some bodily fluid...!

I'll probably politely mention I'd rather she didn't do this in future.

Ps We live on the 10th floor of a block of flats so it's not like I can just pop my rubbish out to my conveniently stored bins in my lovely big garden every day btw. There's no rubbish chute.

OP posts:
Blarting · 06/05/2022 16:26

Clementinemist · 06/05/2022 16:25

Also I've discovered she's taken it upon herself to throw away a bottle of nice bath oil I got for Christmas that was definitely still a quarter full (the label had peeled off). Unacceptable. Although I'm so gross according to some people on here I guess she must have assumed it was something disgusting or some bodily fluid...!

I'll probably politely mention I'd rather she didn't do this in future.

Ps We live on the 10th floor of a block of flats so it's not like I can just pop my rubbish out to my conveniently stored bins in my lovely big garden every day btw. There's no rubbish chute.

Was your DH happy with her cleaning the bathroom? Does he have any input?

BaaMoon · 06/05/2022 16:36

Clementinemist · 06/05/2022 16:25

Also I've discovered she's taken it upon herself to throw away a bottle of nice bath oil I got for Christmas that was definitely still a quarter full (the label had peeled off). Unacceptable. Although I'm so gross according to some people on here I guess she must have assumed it was something disgusting or some bodily fluid...!

I'll probably politely mention I'd rather she didn't do this in future.

Ps We live on the 10th floor of a block of flats so it's not like I can just pop my rubbish out to my conveniently stored bins in my lovely big garden every day btw. There's no rubbish chute.

Did she throw it or nick it?

What a cheeky cow

2bazookas · 06/05/2022 16:38

Lucky you!

If you want to really kick her in the teeth for being helpful, get her a pair of marigolds for Christmas.

Jaxhog · 06/05/2022 16:39

As long as she didn't vim your plastic bath like my MIL did!

Blarting · 06/05/2022 16:41

Can we imagine this in reverse.

DH has gone on a stag do this weekend, I'm home and DM has popped in. It's his job to clean the bathroom but it's not been done 🙄, so DM has gone and cleaned it for him whilst I'm cooking dinner.

He's come home and has got the hump because he'd put used condoms in the bin and he thinks she might have seen them.

AIBU, to say he is lucky she did his job for him?

Original poster
Clementinemist · 06/05/2022 16:47

2bazookas · 06/05/2022 16:38

Lucky you!

If you want to really kick her in the teeth for being helpful, get her a pair of marigolds for Christmas.

Haha maybe I will

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 06/05/2022 17:05

It does actually sound as if your bathroom was dirtier than you think.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 06/05/2022 17:11

Ps We live on the 10th floor of a block of flats so it's not like I can just pop my rubbish out to my conveniently stored bins in my lovely big garden every day btw. There's no rubbish chute.

But that doesn't mean you leave used tampons and used condoms in the bin for days on end - surely you both leave the home most days and can take rubbish out with you, or at least tie it up in a bag so it's not so visible for guests?

Dramaticpenguin · 06/05/2022 17:12

My in laws came and cleaned my entire house (though was very careful to point out that she hadn't done our bedroom) whilst we were in holiday and I had a very mixed reaction. One one hand it was WONDERFUL... But there was a bit of me that felt criticized.

Blarting · 06/05/2022 17:14

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 06/05/2022 17:11

Ps We live on the 10th floor of a block of flats so it's not like I can just pop my rubbish out to my conveniently stored bins in my lovely big garden every day btw. There's no rubbish chute.

But that doesn't mean you leave used tampons and used condoms in the bin for days on end - surely you both leave the home most days and can take rubbish out with you, or at least tie it up in a bag so it's not so visible for guests?

Presumably OP went down the 10 flights to go to her hen do, so could've put the rubbish out then.

NamechangeFML · 06/05/2022 17:42

My MIL cleans my kitchen or bathroom when im with DC

Im sure if i was away shed do it then
does she see it as "womans work?" Something she wouldnt think twice about? youre not there so whod do the bathroom?
i don't particularly like people in my space, but i choose to see her cleaning as an act of love and care.

pigsDOfly · 06/05/2022 18:24

toomuchlaundry · 06/05/2022 14:46

Interesting that the FIL was also there but didn't feel the need to clean the bathroom. Why do women feel the need to do this in someone else's home

I can honestly say, hand on heart, that in the whole of my fairly long life - I'm 73 - I have never felt the urge, or need, to clean someone else's bathroom, or any other room in someone else's house come to that.

And yes, I am a woman.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 06/05/2022 18:25

Send her to my house OP !

AvinABarney · 06/05/2022 18:41

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/05/2022 02:09

That would piss me off.
I hate it when I'm away with the kids, and MIL comes into the house, usually with DH's abetting, and they change things. Again.
Doesn't seem to matter how many times I point out that it's MY home too, and I really do NOT appreciate people changing it while I'm not there - it makes it feel far less like home when I get back!

YES! They start moving furniture as soon as I go, not doing things DH and I agree to always do around the house. So irritating and the worst thing is just knowing^^ I do t like it, hence waiting til I'm out.

girlmom21 · 06/05/2022 18:45

Ps We live on the 10th floor of a block of flats so it's not like I can just pop my rubbish out to my conveniently stored bins in my lovely big garden every day btw. There's no rubbish chute.

You could, I dunno, take your rubbish out when you leave the flat for any other reason...

lenorofavenor · 06/05/2022 19:01

I’m team OP. But then I have a MIL who’s of the “no bins in the house” variety so if you need to change a tampon you have to wrap it in loo roll and bring it downstairs, then put your shoes on by the back door to take it out to the (bleached) wheelie bin, all while fighting off an untrained dog who wants to wrench it from your hand. I’d rather be at OP’s house dropping it in a grubby bin. Cos guess what bins are meant to be grubby.

@Youwiththeglasses I laughed out loud at this, but shoes on is definitely not on, take em off😭
(Also team op)

gothereagain · 06/05/2022 19:23

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 06/05/2022 17:11

Ps We live on the 10th floor of a block of flats so it's not like I can just pop my rubbish out to my conveniently stored bins in my lovely big garden every day btw. There's no rubbish chute.

But that doesn't mean you leave used tampons and used condoms in the bin for days on end - surely you both leave the home most days and can take rubbish out with you, or at least tie it up in a bag so it's not so visible for guests?

I leave them until the bin is full. I don't take out half empty bin bag, such a waste.