My husband won't tell me who he voted for today?

[FreeFlowersForAll]

AIBU?

I spoiled my ballot.

My husband won't tell me who he voted for, and he's annoyed that I keep asking? Surely this is the kind of info that should be shared between a man and wife?

Well this took an unexpected turn!

Ooh Michael Portillo makes a lovely travel on the railways presenter, his colourful clothes and erudite enthusiasm cheer me right up.
misses the point

Nobody has a right to know, that is why the ballot is secret.
However I would find it pompous and a bit dickish if my partner, family or close friends were all “ooh, it’s a secret ballot, I can’t possibly share it with you”. Especially my partner. Like PP I couldn’t be with someone like that.

I am also very politically engaged, sane as my family and friends and am happy to talk about who I voted for.
I also believe strongly in the privacy of the ballot.
If it is normalised to expect someone - even a spouse - to reveal who they voted for and shame them when they refuse to say, it undermines democracy because it pressurises people to vote according to how their spouse/family/friends do instead of according to their conscience.
I'd generally tell a partner how I voted, although I talk politics a lot so they'd probably know anyway.
However, if they thought they had the right to know, I'd be extremely pissed off and probably wouldn't tell them.
Your DH is in the right in this one. You don't have the right to know how he voted and YABVU to be cross with him for not wanting to tell you.

Lol. That's a great typo. *same as my family and friends not sane as my family and friends, although that applies too.

HorribleHerstory
It's a common expression..."I now pronounce you man and wife."

OP, the ballot is private unless you volunteer the information. Imagine the outrage if a husband demanded to be told what his wife voted.

But what I'd they don't want to tell you? What should they say? "I don't want to share that?"

What if you don't know who to vote for but want to vote though?

Well, I think that's weird within a couple. I talk politics freely with DH and some wider family, no question we'd reveal our votes. BUT crucially we all agree on the issues so no reason not to.

I'm assuming since you spoiled yours and he voted, he's expecting a strong reaction from you and just doesn't want the grief. Fair enough!

Surely you must know what his politics are? I couldn't be with someone with fundamentally different views on, say, sending vulnerable people to Rwanda

What if you don't know who to vote for but want to vote though?

but a spoilt paper isn’t a vote.

if your not sure who to vote for research the candidates. If not of them tick all your boxes then pick the one that is closest.

What if you don't know who to vote for but want to vote though?

As @Sirzy said - do more research. You must have some fundamental values of your own - which party aligns best with those? You must have an idea about what you think are the priorities that you'd want the person/party elected to fight for?

Absolute worst case - if there's a party you detest but can't choose between the others, vote tactically.

My family are passionate about politics, and my dc know how important it is to use their vote. I'm always encouraging people to vote, love discussing politics, but I have never asked anyone who they voted vote for.

Ok makes sense thanks. I managed to vote this time but sometimes it is tricky to work out who

I've never spoilt a ballot but spoiling a ballot is a legitimate political act. The spoilt ballots are counted and the parties are made aware of them.
If you stay home, parties might think you just don't care.
And if you vote for a party you don't really support, the party doesn't know that. It doesn't impact them any differently from a fully supportive voter.

The anonymity/secrecy of voting is quite important, imo. My partner and I chat about it, yes, but I certainly wouldn't insist on anyone telling me how they'd voted, it's up to them.

None of your business...my mum has never told my dad during 50 years of marriage as it's her private matter ...I think now it's more to wind him up but really you have no need to know

Maybe he's a closet Tory and doesn't want you to divorce him 🤔

And not sharing doesn't mean no political debate

My DH didn't vote last night, if he had have it would probably be different from mine. We strongly disagree on Brexit and voted differently in the last GE.

elizza, to say that anyone defending the secrecy of the ballot must be a secret Tory voter is just stupid, prejudiced bollocks.

Generally, its because he knows that you won't agree with who he's voted for.

All this "I don't tell anyone" nonsense - why, are you ashamed in some way?

Well, it’s his own business but I would find it odd if my DH kept this secret personally. We chat about politics quite regularly though so it would be odd for one of us not to divulge.

My wife is very political (a member of a party.) I am not. I keep my political opinions private. I am with your husband. I don't mention my political opinions at home because I can't be bothered to have an argument about them. They are still valid opinions though

I’d be a bit surprised if my partner didn’t want to tell me who he voted for, but that’s because we’re on the same page politically.

But something tells me there’s a reason he really doesn’t want to tell you who he chose to vote for. Either it’s to wind you up (which is working) or because it will cause an argument. Can I ask why you spoiled your ballot? Assuming you come back to the thread.