Meat eater benefits from sharing finances with veggie

[SpingTimeMelody]

Ah, this is an issue we come back to time and time again (well every year or so I guess).

I'm vegetarian and as such my food is generally less expensive. My DH eats meat. No problem with that as such, but he hasn't cut down the amount of meat he eats, if anything he eats more now. Today he had bacon medallions with breakfast, a tin of tuna with lunch and plans to have an expensive individually wrapped chicken breast with dinner. These cost about £2.25 per breast and sometimes he has two.

His Pov: I can eat what I like.

My Pov: Yes, but... Food comes out of "joint money", and we are spending too much. I am trying to cut back like I bought the cheaper bread to save 60p. If I suddenly decided to eat meat (not going to happen) but we wouldn't be able to afford it. Basically he can only afford to eat meat the way he does because I have a much cheaper diet....

What is the answer? No kids btw

Another one here feeling embarrassed for you. I can't imagine living like this. It's not the money, it's the calculating down to the last penny to make things fair.

I don't think YABU at all. The issue isn't the meat consumption, it's that you're financially stretched and he's spending more than his fair share of the food budget.

Eating meat doesn't have to be super-expensive and almost £5 worth of meat for one person for one meal is excessive if it's an everyday occurrence. I'll often make a lamb and barley stew with butchers' diced lamb (which is not cheap - around £8-9), but that does 2 adults and a child for two meals, usually with a freezer portion left over. Similarly, meat chilli (even if made with good quality, lean mince) is fairly cheap to make and lasts forever - in our house, we freeze half of it and the other half does us for 2-3 meals. If your DH is eating chicken breasts the whole time, buying individually wrapped ones is really extravagant - why not buy a pack of 4, eat two and then freeze the other two to use in a curry or something? It sounds as if he needs to plan his meals a lot better as well as spending less on meat. And there's nothing too awful about eating frozen fish fillets or fish fingers out of the freezer when you get to the end of the month and there's not a lot left in the food budget.

I think if you’re in a relationship where you’re questioning one another other what is essentially pennies

But it isn't 'pennies'. They're low earners, food is getting more expensive, fuel costs have massively gone up and they (BOTH of them) need to budget.

Like eating out and splitting the bill, it very often isn't swings and roundabouts at all. Often one person is more frugal than the other in most circumstances so it never balances out.

‘No problem with that as such, but’. You know how it goes, ignore everything before the but. It clearly is a problem for you.

No just typical well off Mumsnetters who can buy as much food as they like without having to think about how much it costs.

It was clear that the OP is struggling to stick to a budget and her DH was undermining her efforts by consuming the majority of the budget on his expensive choices.

Their solution sounds good and it's going to be a harsh realisation for him when he learns that yes, he was spending far more than they can afford. So he's either going to have to pay the extra himself and go without something else to pay for it.

I agree with you, OP, and I'm glad you have been able to come to an agreement with your dh over things, so he pays extra for his carnivorous lifestyle.

@Watchkeys

Yeah, it's just that the OP literally opens the post with a statement that her food is less expensive because she's a veggie...

I don't think it's going to be 50 /50 ever as he's most likely always going to consume more food.
I've never expected a man (or anyone) to match my food expenditure as it's unrealistic for many reasons.

If he's buying particularly expensive items, that's the place to economise and not necessarily by becoming a (near) veggie!

If bacon medallions (and whatever he's having with them), a tin of tuna (and whatever he's having with it) and 1 or maybe 2 chicken breasts (and whatever he's having with them) are a typical day for your dh then wow, your budget must be massive, as must he.

I'm a meat eater but I would only ever eat that much meat in a day on holiday perhaps, at Christmas maybe, or on a long, lazy weekend day where I was meeting friends for lunch/dinner. Certainly never more than once a week, if that. Unless he's training for a marathon/weight gaining at the gym, nobody needs that much protein and he'll be piling the pounds on.

You can buy packs of cheap chicken breasts, cheapo tinned tuna and crappy bacon (that even I wouldn't eat, and yes there have been times when I've had to decide between tampons or shampoo, so I know what counting every penny is like). All food is becoming more expensive at the moment, so if he's going to continue to eat meat (as is his absolute choice) he needs to be thinking about buying better value - multipacks of chicken breasts (to freeze the rest) and tuna packs.

But yeah, if he's really eating that much protein every day I think you need a bigger conversation about his health.

I'm veggie ( non of the rest of the family are ), and I'm a bit frugal by nature- but honestly this seems a bit much.
I can see the relationship breaking down if you carry on monitoring his eating habits like this.

I'm veggie my kids are vegan. Husband eats meat rarely and decided to not buy as we eat other things now and meat so expensive. He will have it occasionally. But I agree with you. Meat to eat 3 x a day Inc tuna which is v pricey ATM is expensive. Also won't be doing him any good. He needs to compromise to one meat meal a day in order to manage better financially. Would be same if he was buying expensive wine every day imo

I’m glad you’ve reached a solution with your DH, and it sounds like it’s one that’s going to focus his mind on the cost of meat/fish. I don’t think YABU at all - eating meat/fish at every meal on a regular day is a lot. We’ve had to cut back on our food budget (as have most people I expect) and the place we’ve started is eating less meat and fish, and having meat-free days and so on. It makes a huge difference.

I think some posters have misunderstood your OP to mean that you can afford for him to eat as much meat as he likes but you begrudge financing it from your money because you’re a vegetarian, when the true position is that you’re both low earners and you just can’t afford for him to eat meat/fish at every meal.

stop buying individual chicken breasts for starters, you can get packs of 7 for around £8 in sainos! portion it out in tupperware or freezer bags, some in the freezer and some in the fridge.

also surely you buy at least some equally pricey meat substitutes?

Glad you’ve reached a solution, YANBU.
i have a similar problem with my DP. When I go shopping with him the bill ends up being £30-£50 because of all his impulse buys!

The ways we solve it is .. X amount for food (based on staples) and if it goes over he pays.sometimes he just buys treats on his own separately

Also your DH is certainly throwing money down the drain with the type of meat he eats. I’m never buying individual pieces again (unless we’re going on holiday etc) after seeing how much a whole chicken saves…

He’s eating way too meat! If that’s everyday it must cost a fortune. Totally unnecessary.

i don’t think buying cheaper chicken etc is the answer considering animal welfare, etc. People buying as cheap as possible will drive down the standards of animal welfare. People should just buy decent quality and eat less meat through the week.

You won’t get much sympathy here though OP as a lot seem to eat tons of meat, cannot abide anything other than a hot meal including meat, will bleat on loads about the need for animal proteeeeein!!

Petty Betty!
But why doesn't he buy a large pack of chicken breasts, portion them and freeze?

I wouldn’t begrudge my OH anything she wants to eat/drink, surely that’s what a partnership is. As a PP said, what a miserable way to live.

Bit of an overreaction here.

According to this, four bacon medallions are 130 calories.

www.eatthismuch.com/food/nutrition/bacon-medallions,6735/

A tin of tuna varies - the highest in the top few search results is 220 calories, with most as much lower.

www.nutritionix.com/food/canned-tuna

According to this, chicken breast, if grilled and with skin on, is 190. Less without skin.

cheatdaydesign.com/calories-in-different-parts-of-the-chicken/

That adds up to 540 calories, so even if I've underestimated the portion of bacon, that's leaving plenty of room for what he's having with the meat. Hardly enough to make him enormous.

I think you have a point tbh but I’m also veggie so maybe biased. Vegetarian meals are generally cheaper, it’s cheaper to buy a tin of kidney beans for example as opposed to chicken breasts or salmon for protein. There’s a clear imbalance in the amount your food costs compared to his and it doesn’t sound like it’s a small difference. If money is tight I’d suggest he buys his own meat separate to the overall food shop with his own money.

for the people who don’t get it, if you were a teetotaller would you be ok with your oh buying 2-3 £20 bottles of wine a week from your joint account? It’s both a lot and a completely normal amount for many, exactly like the ops dh!

Bacon is really, really bad for you.
bowel cancer etc.
There are posters up about in hospitals

Or, now bear with me, maybe, perhaps, she is making a joke. Bloody hell, the earnestness, the witless earnestness, on here is off the scale.

Me and exH used to have separate shopping on the conveyor belt coz he was a tight prick.One of the many reasons I divorced him.

Wow. What a marriage problem:(