Meat eater benefits from sharing finances with veggie

[SpingTimeMelody]

Ah, this is an issue we come back to time and time again (well every year or so I guess).

I'm vegetarian and as such my food is generally less expensive. My DH eats meat. No problem with that as such, but he hasn't cut down the amount of meat he eats, if anything he eats more now. Today he had bacon medallions with breakfast, a tin of tuna with lunch and plans to have an expensive individually wrapped chicken breast with dinner. These cost about £2.25 per breast and sometimes he has two.

His Pov: I can eat what I like.

My Pov: Yes, but... Food comes out of "joint money", and we are spending too much. I am trying to cut back like I bought the cheaper bread to save 60p. If I suddenly decided to eat meat (not going to happen) but we wouldn't be able to afford it. Basically he can only afford to eat meat the way he does because I have a much cheaper diet....

What is the answer? No kids btw

If this is about the overall food budget needing to be lower and him just buying higher priced meat than is necessary then he needs to look at the budget/shopping and decide where he is prepared to compromise. This is a debate of meat vs veg but could just as easily be organic vs standard food or aldi basic vs waitrose finest. If the budget doesn't stretch the budget doesn't stretch. He either needs to cut down elsewhere and provide more cash for the food budget or he needs to accept that he is eating beyond his means.

Work out how much you can afford to spend on food and price all the essentials like milk and bread, pasta etc. If there is money spare then give him a meat budget for the week and give yourself a similar amount to spend on food items that you would like. A lot of veggie food isn’t cheap, I buy paneer, tofu, nice cheese etc as well as cheaper pulses and grains.

I have the same problem so I feel YANBU. Vegan/plant based for environmental and health reasons and DH eats meat. His "treats" of fish or meat tend to cost 5-6 times what mine do (I don't eat quorn and meat substitutes except for tofu so my treats might be vegan candy kittens or Japanese sweet potatoes). I have no solution though because every time I suggest he cut back to save money I get told I am trying to convert him to veganism and take all the joy out of his life.

Wow, he's your 'DH' yet you're complaining that he benefits financially from you being a veggie. You sound fun 😬

You need a mixed food budget, us an individual food budget (unless he eats what you are having with a side of meat, I'm guessing you have vegetarian protein sources in the food budget too). Then he can decide how he spends his meat budget.

Lots of people are tightening their belts right now, and eating cheaper food is part of that.

I drink coconut water, OH doesn’t. I buy 2-3 large cartons a week.
If OH did the food shop it would cost half of what we now pay as it would be pasta and sauce, the cheapest sausages, pot noodles, the cheapest everything.
OH doesn’t do the food shop. We pay half each.
I'm not going to calculate what we each eat, or make him pay more when he wants hair gel and me when I buy tampons.

YANBU
I really can see your pov - I'm a meat eater btw
Shopping for veggie DD costs so much less it's stunning - lives independently but I often do weekly shop with her.
I don't think he needs meat at 3 meals a day tbh - even very carnivorous DH doesn't do that.
Can he eat veggie a couple or 3 evenings a week?
If things are tight, it's often advised on MN to increase veggie food.

If you're veggie for ethical reasons presumably him buying cheaper meat would be a horrendous outcome.

In fact, you ideally want him buying the most expensive, free range, organic, local etc meat he can get his hands on.

I guess you have three options.

1. you each pay for your own food out your own budget. (Tedious and would drive me mad).

2. communal food is bought from joint account and he funds his meat from his discretionary spend. (Possibly could work. As long as spends are equal elsewhere).

3. you suck it up as part of life as a couple. (What most people do).

We don't have this problem, because we both eat meat. But there are definitely imbalances in spends in our relationship. For instance, my toiletries take up a LOT more budget than DH's.

As a woman I have Tampax (costly), more expensive shampoo, conditioner (DH bald), makeup remover etc etc. All that goes on the monthly shop. TBH I'd be mighty unimpressed if he started sulking because my shampoo costs more than his.

We also have costs where he spends more than me. He likes fancy nuts to snack on, for example. I don't eat them, but he would think I'd lost my mind if I started begrudging them because it costs more.

If it really bothers you though, you could push for option two. I'm not convinced it will do your relationship much good, but neither will this resentment...

I’m veggie DH is not.
I moaned the other day because he intended to have bacon, black pudding and chicken in a bap for brunch and I said that’s 2/3 meals worth of meat he’s having in one meal.

He pointed out the weekly cost of my gluten free bread and yogurts is more than that meal

What is the broader conflict between you as regards money? You say it’s ‘not about food’: what IS it about?

Why not

• allocate a portion of your joint money for food


• divide it in two


• each buy your own food out of that - if he wants extra, he uses his own money.

Silly thing to be arguing over . It’s possible you spend longer in the shower than him or use more shower products and shampoo than him or maybe you wash your clothes more often ? And those bills need looking at too lol

Someone as worried about money as OP probably doesn't do any of that except more shampoo.

There is no ethical meat. More expensive, 'local', etc, doesn't make a significant difference.

I genuinely do not have any of these, I think that is partly why I'm such a GC feminist.

Op split the food bill, if you see his choices as luxuries then it should come from his money. Maybe agree a set amount from joint money.

I’m a veggie and DH is a meat eater. Firstly if DH is going to eat meat, I’d rather he eat the stuff with higher welfare standards and that costs more. Secondly, I’m sure I make it up in other ways, I like truffles and he doesn’t for instance. If you need to save money then jointly agree a food budget and meal plan together but don’t be petty about a tin of tuna.

Disagree, free range locally killed meat is preferable to intensive reared.

You're being joyless.

The op is supposed to be “joyful” about her dh eating loads of meat? Strange insult.

@Innocenta sorry but I respectfully disagree. Buying battery hen eggs is catastrophic. (But so is eating asparagus out of season, like so many veggies / vegans).

I find £3.99 entire chickens quite shocking. I believe life is worth more than that.

Eating meat may not be as ethical (according to your standards) as vegetarianism - although it depends on an individual's ethical standards.

But it is fairly safe to say that if you care about animal welfare, buying the cheapest meat available is not the answer.

What a bizarre thread
me and dh bith eat meat. He generally eats twice what I treat
food bill simply comes out if joint household money

Blimey hope you are timing showers, do you know how much energy costs?
But then what if he has a longer shower but at a lower temperature? Hope you know the calculation for this.
sounds a depressing way to live to me. If you need to save money sit down together and have a proper conversation about it.

Almost all men eat more than most women so if you're focused on food shopping, this would be an issue for most couples.
On the other hand, pre-menopausal women usually need more heating and more cosmetics.

I think most people responding on this may not have experienced financial hardship (apologies if I’m misinterpreting!). If budget is very tight then the shopping needs to cover what you both need. And no the OPs partner doesn’t have the right to consume as much unlimited meat as he wishes without restraint. Can you do a spreadsheet and work out a break down of expenses to evidence the disparity. I know it’s depressing but being skint is depressing anyway. I remember back in the day stressing over food shopping and every little expense so I get where you are coming from. It’s no fun.

I guess it's not just about meat, as mentioned some veggie stuff is pricy. But I just don't buy it, and my DH does.

Our budget works like this: we have a certain amount each month to cover shopping, and also a certain amount of personal money that covers things that might be more expensive for me (clothes, haircuts etc as someone mentioned).

So we shop from the shopping budget and speak about trying to cut back as we went over last month, but then DH is conveniently forgetful and bad at maths... then towards the end of the month when the food budget is spent, we both have to put in an equal amount from our personal budget to cover the shortfall in the shopping budget.

DH doesn't want to adjust the budgets to put some from both our personal moneys into the shopping money so I try to make it work by choosing cheaper options but still have to pay for him choosing expensive options.

Seems IABU.