Meat eater benefits from sharing finances with veggie

[SpingTimeMelody]

Ah, this is an issue we come back to time and time again (well every year or so I guess).

I'm vegetarian and as such my food is generally less expensive. My DH eats meat. No problem with that as such, but he hasn't cut down the amount of meat he eats, if anything he eats more now. Today he had bacon medallions with breakfast, a tin of tuna with lunch and plans to have an expensive individually wrapped chicken breast with dinner. These cost about £2.25 per breast and sometimes he has two.

His Pov: I can eat what I like.

My Pov: Yes, but... Food comes out of "joint money", and we are spending too much. I am trying to cut back like I bought the cheaper bread to save 60p. If I suddenly decided to eat meat (not going to happen) but we wouldn't be able to afford it. Basically he can only afford to eat meat the way he does because I have a much cheaper diet....

What is the answer? No kids btw

I think the issue is that you're cutting back, and he's saying 'I'll eat what I like'.

It's an 'opposed values' thing, isn't it?

Are you generally similar in your approach to money? To other things?

I think if you’re in a relationship where you’re questioning one another other what is essentially pennies, either
A. You’re not compatible
B. You need to log very carefully who spends what, right down to electric and water and divide costs and have no joint finances (this would be a massive PITA)
C. One of you needs to stop being so bloody tight fisted.

Pennies? Have you seen food prices lately? They’re both low earners, so it’s not tight fisted, it’s necessary budgeting. Hopefully OP and her husband have found a solution now anyway.

This!

And I'm a veggie.

I thoroughly disagree that being a vegetarian is the cheaper option. Maybe if on cauliflower and lentils only...

The cheapest is to be a flexible omnivore where you can choose foods based on price, not on dietary requirements.

I don't eat meat that much but when I do, I actually prefer the cheaper flavoursome cuts. Chicken thighs to chicken breast, meatballs to steak, even pork chops to steak.

On the other hand, I had an expensive veggie dinner tonight with asparagus and fresh herbs at 70p a packet.

I think you need a sit down where you tell him you aren't prepared to have such an expensive meal budget and if he wants to supplement with his own money that's fine, just as you pay from your own money that he doesn't want to prioritise.

Then propose that you can either stick to whatever lower food budget you've been aiming at between you or you can cut right back on what you both put in the "joint" budget to cover just the things you share and then each buy the food that you cook for your own meals from your own budget.

It's a bit "student living" but a month or two of actually living with the full cost of his choices might make your DH rethink them (and if not, that's fine, you don't have to subsidise it so it you don't have to care).

You mention "no kids". With a partner who won't cut back in order to economise, I would probably be making sure it stayed that way. This doesn't sound like a man who will sacrifice for kids the way that is frequently necessary.

It's not a discussion about what the cheapest option is, or about what you prefer. OP has stated that her vegetarian meals cost less than her partner's meat-inclusive meals. We could all choose a cheap meat meal and pit it against an expensive veggie one. Missing the point.

That sounds like a good solution op. We aren’t low earners and we watch our meat intake. We buy the tuna I like and it’s not that cheap!

Great solution. We have gone veggie in the week, it's saved us a fortune. Meat is so expensive.

Good grief. You are begrudging him a £2.25 chicken beast! That sounds cheap to me. I wish I could get good quality chicken beasts for that price.

I couldn’t live with, much less be married to, someone who totted up the cost of everything I put in my mouth. I assume he works and contributes to the finances?

Agree

😂😂😂

Are half the posters illiterate or trolls!?!?

It is very clear that the OPs view point is a budgetary one based on the post - as a family you can't afford to spend as much on food : you are using much less than half the cost of the food and are making sacrifices- he wasn't

It is a miserable existence but not because she is veggie, but because food costs so much they can't afford their current spend

I am glad you came to a solution and sorry that things are so tough that you had to

Considering you are struggling financially, I think you have got some really unfair responses on here OP. I love my meat but am lucky if I can afford to eat it 3 times per week let alone 3 times per day! Your DH is greedy and selfish and needs to learn to economise. YANBU.

This isn't a meat vs veggie issue. There's loads of expensive veggie food (I'm thinking mostly pre-prepared food I guess, but also nut butters/oils, olives, nice cheese etc etc) This is the cost of living crisis. Everyone has different priorities when it comes to what counts as "essential" and what is "luxury".

Don't listen to ridiculous people saying "you're not compatible" 🙄 There are people up and down the country right now arguing about when to put the heating on, how often to boil the kettle, whether the kids really NEED swimming lessons, whether they should cut down on how often they drive 100 miles to see granny. I don't see how any couples can navigate this without any argument unless they are very wealthy.

Do you time showers etc, to gauge who uses them longer? Honestly, surely it's swings and roundabouts? Who drinks more tea/coffee, who boils the kettle more? Who has the heating higher?

Thank you to all those who pointed out how bad my life must be for having this problem. Its true we are both low earners but love each other very much and generally have a good life.

I don't monitor his food intake BTW but have been together today. I just mentioned maybe having a veggie dinner as we were trying to make cutbacks due to cost of living and e didnt want to, that's what started this whole issue.

OP, I don't think eating meat 3x per day is ideal, and certainly not if you're trying to save money. Hopefully the new arrangement will open his eyes to the amount being spent and he may (or may not) be more inclined towards the occasional meat-free dinner going forward.

DH drinks, I don't. I buy nice shampoo and bath stuff in the weekly shop he would be happy with cheaper. It would be miserable to track each other and begrudge a few cans of beer or whatever. Is this a symptom of some underlying problems?

I'm vegetarian and buy (high welfare and horribly expensive) meat for special occasions or guests, plus the occasional pack of bacon or similar.

My husband picks up meat if he fancies a change. He did a big joint of beef this week in a slow cooker, which he will freeze and use in sandwiches. Conversely, I like a decent glass of red in the evening and he isn't much of a drinker, so I order and pay for the occasional case of wine.

I don't see why this is controversial. It isn't mean to think about individual 'treat' costs if your budget is stretched.

DD's veggie food often costs more than my meat! Added issue is I buy a pack of 4 chops for instance then have to buy herd something separately, and the "spare" shop gets eaten by dp.

Cooking one meal for both of you is cheaper then two separate especially taking into account gas and electric - can't you share cooking with him getting some meat and you veggie done nights, other nights both veggie?

I'm going to go with a gentle yaba bit u. When my dh moved in I rarely ate meat and my food bills shot up he'd also eat loads of cheese, bananas, crisps and we had to have a chat as our finances were very unstable. I also felt he ate too much expensive meat and used a sweeping I don't like vegetables as an excuse. He now eats a more balanced diet. So I think your dh could definitely compromise. 2 chicken breasts as £4.50 in one meal! no that's not fair.
If he won't compromise I'd be very upset as that's the foundation of a good marriage.

Sorry later pages hadn't loaded I think the new arrangement is good

It wouldn't be unreasonable to not contribute to the meat budget. He would have to do a separate shop for meat.
Personally I have ethical issues with my money going towards the meat trade.
One of my children chooses to eat meat occasionally as does DH. I don't purchase the meat.

I'm embarrassed for you OP...you're being really unreasonable here. If you feel this strongly about your husbands PERFECTLY NORMAL eating habits, then I suggest you completely separate your finances and do your own food shop!!

You seriously cannot expect him to stop eating what is (for most people!) ordinary food (ffs he's not buying caviar and champagne!) simply because you made a life choice and now feel bitter about the difference in cost!! Can you not see how mean you sound?

And yet if you'd read ops updates that's more or less what they've decided to do.