Meat eater benefits from sharing finances with veggie

[SpingTimeMelody]

Ah, this is an issue we come back to time and time again (well every year or so I guess).

I'm vegetarian and as such my food is generally less expensive. My DH eats meat. No problem with that as such, but he hasn't cut down the amount of meat he eats, if anything he eats more now. Today he had bacon medallions with breakfast, a tin of tuna with lunch and plans to have an expensive individually wrapped chicken breast with dinner. These cost about £2.25 per breast and sometimes he has two.

His Pov: I can eat what I like.

My Pov: Yes, but... Food comes out of "joint money", and we are spending too much. I am trying to cut back like I bought the cheaper bread to save 60p. If I suddenly decided to eat meat (not going to happen) but we wouldn't be able to afford it. Basically he can only afford to eat meat the way he does because I have a much cheaper diet....

What is the answer? No kids btw

Do you eat the same meal but with meat/ substitute additions? If not, then just agree to split the food money into your personal fund, and both pay for your individial shop from your personal accounts.

I eat meat and DH is veggie since 12 years old. I agree my meat can be expensive but he eats other expensive food like olives, speciality bread from artisan bakers, cheeses, fresh herbs, veggie bacon is more expensive than regular bacon for the same weight. He drinks more expensive fruit and likes to drink more expensive wine too. We economise on things like tin foil, washing up liquid, window cleaner etc. I often have lunch without meat eg cheese and basil panninni and a mug of tomato soup so we eat the same meal together sometimes. We both eat as we please and I would think it a poor partnership if one party kept track and resented what the other one ate.

Op if you having financial difficulties and want to redo the budget, then it should be on another expense. It's very wrong to do what you are regarding food - food which is normal. Maybe look at your expenses, and try work from there?

So all the expenses where yours would come out higher than his (clothes, hair, toiletries etc) you split like flatmates. But the area where an adult male meat eater would easily spend double what a female vege eater would each month, you get to split like a married couple.

And he even gets to top up his food bill with your spending money when he feels like having steak every night. How convenient for him. I think that's called having your cake and eating it.

I wouldnt think much of a partner who thought that was fair tbh. Its not like your pooling all your costs, just the ones that suit him. Who came up with that idea I wonder.

I think most people are approaching this from the privileged position of having spare cash.

I often have to remind myself that some people cannot afford food. Maybe this is the position OP is in?

Where money is really really tight you're completely reasonable to be concerned about this and address it.

If you can cover your bills and have some left over then I'm afraid YABU.

He’s a prick for eating his dinner?

Sounds a bit mean spirited to me. Vegetarian isn’t automatically cheaper anyway just because you don’t eat meat, snacks, biscuits, specialty sauces or wine could easily be more than a bit of meat.

If the current spending is just really unaffordable for you then you need to work out a set food budget and agree together how that it split.
If it is that you begrudge a 50/50 split subsidising his food then consider ways in which the split subsidises you, eg wine when out rather than a beer, baths vs showers, maybe you prefer the heating on a bit longer etc. A partnership isn’t straight down the middle and I’m sure there are other aspects that benefit you.

Sounds like you need to have a proper discussion about your finances with your partner.

I don't think you should be monitoring his food intake but at the same time you shouldn't be buying the cheapest everything while he has what he wants then still ending up having to put extra in at the end of the month.

Being bad at maths or conveniently forgetting then saying you need to top up out of personal money isn't on if it's happening repeatedly when you're on an agreed shared budget, you need to actually have a proper conversation about what a realistic budget is for the month.

As you have different diets may be easier to agree on communal "staples" that you buy together then buy your own extras or just split the food budget 50/50 if you really can't agree on an overall budget. Depends what you think will work best for you.

I don't think the meat is really relevant, the issue is that you're making cutbacks on food whilst seemingly he is not being so mindful and buying what he wants when he should be helping you budget- sounds like financially you are in it together!

So all the expenses where yours would come out higher than his (clothes, hair, toiletries etc) you split like flatmates.
I haven't found that women's clothes, hair or toiletries cost any more than men's. I have a teenage DS and it's all pretty similar.

I think this is really petty and I say that as someone who only eats chicken (no other meat) it wouldn’t even occur to me to argue over someone eating more expensive stuff just petty

I agree.

he spunds like aspoilt kud not taking responsibilities!

Op i agree, the cost of living is crippling and it'll get worse before it gets better, so youre right to be an adult about it. Shane your DP cant be adilt about it too.ShopMy suggestion is to shop at Aldi and Lidl. You'll find the weekly shop much more affordable and get can still have occasional treats. The food is good quality and mainly locally sourced so ethical too.

They also do lots of plant-based foods too so you won't miss out.

I can't believe the heat you're getting. You are def not being unreasonable.

What a miserable pathetic existence

Yanbu. Dont put extra in each month.

Or agree that things you can both eat are communal and a shared expense and pay seperately for other things.

I am astonished at the number of people saying her DH should not be eating meat every day and should be eating veggie a few times each week. Ffs, it is a personal choice. Would people say OP should eat meat a few times a week to match her DH? It sounds like some want to take away the personal choice from others. Oh, and when I have a BBQ me and son might cook steak, sausages, belly pork chops, kababs, chicken and burgers and have some of whatever we like. DH is happy with his veggie sausages, veggie burgers, panneer or halumi cheese, and artisan bread, olives, and often unseasonal fruit, all washed down by good wine.

@caringcarer its not personal choice if he cant afford it. It's like saying he has the right to drive an Aston Martin. Not if he cant afford it.

I'm vegan. My DP eats meat. I'd love that he didn't. But cost doesn't even come into it. For one thing, his food would always cost more than mine. He's big and does manual work, whereas I'm small and sedentary. But mainly because counting the cost of the food someone eats apalls me. What you've described is hardly extravagant (health issues not withstanding) and I can't imagine a relationship where one person has to be accountable to the other for their meals. If it matters so much, get him to pay extra. But seriously, I'm quite shocked people think this way over food.

Isn't it?

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I think the core issue isn't meat (or veggie vs carnivore/omnivore), it's that you see the need to cut the food budget to keep it as tight as (reasonably) possible and are willing to sacrifice to do so, and your H doesn't see the need or isn't willing to make as many cuts as you'd like. A lot of people are in the position now where they had a bit of leeway for splurges in the food budget and now do not, and will not for the forseebale future. Is it possible you've just realised this before he has, and a general food budget conversation - all options on the table, but with an overall goal to reduce overall spending on food - could help?

I do think the veg issue comes into it emotionally - if he were splurging on expensive chocolates or imported tropical fruit or single-malt scotch, at least you COULD have some if you wanted. When he splurges on meat, it may feel like it's something specifically for him. Likely there's no veggie equivalent - anything you buy he COULD eat, although he may choose not to.

Also, the expensive individually wrapped chicken breast with dinner caught my attention. Is he the only meat-eater in the household (not sure if it's just the two of you)? Is he maybe spending more than necessary on small portions of meat because he's the only one who will eat it and he wants to avoid waste (which may be false economy in this case)? Can he adjust to buy larger quantities at a cheaper price and plan ahead to use or freeze?

Start saving the bargain buys, if you buy 4 cans of tuna 1 a week, have a larder he doesn't know of and keep things in it, then shop it each week and add it back to the main foods for him to choose from, buy the chicken breasts for the evening meal, but only get one. Stop buying treats for him, so he has to use the not so nice things as well. Your the one buying it so you can make it happen, when he runs out of THE GOOD STUFF, tell him that until pay day that is all that is in the house and he will have to suck it up or buy more himself.

The answer is DIVORCE and he can get a life😂

You arent BU to say thta the budget needs to be looked at and with prices rising you simply dont have enough to cover the food budget.

And stop sacrificing your food - be honest and get him to put more money forward - because that is the issue

Or have the meat come out of his personal expenses

Exactly. Jeez

The most shocking thing about this is you've been coming back to this every year. If he's been eating "too much" meat for years and you're still afloat, the budget can't be that tight.

Have you unilaterally decided what the food budget should be? What if he wants to spend more on food? Does he get a say in any of this?

Maybe he'll continue eating meat but cut back on takeaway coffees or use the car less. There are many ways to save money without scrimping on food.

I don't necessarily agree that meat eaters have a more expensive diet than veggies. A Caesar salad from the work canteen will cost more than making your own tuna sandwich.

If one of you lost your job would that person have to starve?

On no level is this a normal or healthy level of meat consumption for one day.