Meat eater benefits from sharing finances with veggie

[SpingTimeMelody]

Ah, this is an issue we come back to time and time again (well every year or so I guess).

I'm vegetarian and as such my food is generally less expensive. My DH eats meat. No problem with that as such, but he hasn't cut down the amount of meat he eats, if anything he eats more now. Today he had bacon medallions with breakfast, a tin of tuna with lunch and plans to have an expensive individually wrapped chicken breast with dinner. These cost about £2.25 per breast and sometimes he has two.

His Pov: I can eat what I like.

My Pov: Yes, but... Food comes out of "joint money", and we are spending too much. I am trying to cut back like I bought the cheaper bread to save 60p. If I suddenly decided to eat meat (not going to happen) but we wouldn't be able to afford it. Basically he can only afford to eat meat the way he does because I have a much cheaper diet....

What is the answer? No kids btw

I think it's a tough one. My DH is quite happy to eat the same veggie food as me most of the time which probably colours my view. I don't begrudge him eating meat and am the one who insists he pays for better quality (and higher welfare) meat. That being said, if I were to ask him to cut down to meat twice a month for financial reasons, he probably would.

What a depressing way to live, are you literally watching everything he eats and calculating what it costs?

He should buy his meat separately, on its own budget, e.g. a meat box subscription.

All the other shopping joint.

This really is depressing.

If my husband watched and priced up everything that entered my stomach, I don't think I could cope.

towards the end of the month when the food budget is spent, we both have to put in an equal amount from our personal budget to cover the shortfall in the shopping budget

Keep the receipts from a month’s worth of shopping. Work out what’s the cost difference. He pays that extra from his personal money.

Only do this if you are 100% equal in financial contribution terms.

Becasue this bothers you and yes , I can see why, go through your bills, don't tell him but work out what your spending and see if you get more in other areas. IF your just splitting rent and bills and keep spending for other things from your own account, do a shop for all the house hold items for the month, the buy all the vegtables and things you need for meals, do not buy any meat. The next day split the remaining food shop money for the week, tell him what you have done and that he needs to buy the meat he needs for his meals, for the next week, write it down so he needs a roast, bacon ect. have a trolley each and let him go at it.

Dh should put in the shopping shortfall by himself.

You are married. It is just a food bill. You are not students in a houseshare divvying up who owes what and who used more butter. Having said that if money is tight he should not be having 2 chicken breasts wrapped in whatever for £2.25 a piece with one meal. I don't have any advice for how to change his mind on this if you have already explained it is too expensive. Maybe show him the thread.

He's your husband. Do you two not have a sense of family money? YABU to live like this. If things are very tight, then everyone needs to make a change in what they buy. But that doean't seem to be the problem. The problem is the insane accounting system that sounds like you are slightly hostile housemates, not a married couple.

Same. I felt embarrassed reading this. Can't believe how petty some people are.

I don’t think you are being entirely unreasonable. Good quality meat is expensive. He may be surprised by how big a percentage of your food spend it is, so it might be worth doing the maths on your average shopping. It might seem petty but if it’s adding £20 to £30 to your weekly spend that is a big chunk of change.

Whether or not OP is U mainly depends on their financial situation IMO.

If it’s difficult, if the ‘shopping budget’ is reasonable and agreed and her H is spending / consuming way over 50% of the budget, he’s U.

DH doesn't want to adjust the budgets to put some from both our personal moneys into the shopping money so I try to make it work by choosing cheaper options but still have to pay for him choosing expensive options.

Put like this, I think it’s much more reasonable.

Could you eat more of your meals together? (Same food, I mean.) I’m always amazed at the number of people on here all cooking individual meals for one. Just because your husband eats meat, doesn’t mean he needs to have it every day.

You are over-complicating this, OP. There are three options:

1. You accept the status quo
2. You separate that part of your finances (you could still buy jointly what you both use, e.g, bread)
3. Your husband agrees to eat less meat and share some of your vegetarian meals so it balances out.

Wow, I haven’t bought meat for a long time but I just worked out the husband had £10 worth of meat in one day (to be fair at Waitrose prices because I have the app and could look it up quickly).

That means he could be adding over £50 - £70 to the weekly shopping bill. Ouch! So glad we are all veggie, we couldn’t afford to be meat eaters.

It sounds like such a depressing way to live, resenting your partner a perfectly normal diet.

Really? That seems excessive for me.

This is a good idea. Though then he might argue you have to buy your tofu and oat milk separately too if you have them

The veggie/non veggie thing I think is a red herring. The problem is simply that your DH is unwilling to stick to your food budget. Do you do the shopping or does he? I'd send him to the supermarket with the budget in cash so he can't overspend.

This isn't about meat vs veggie - its perfectly possible to have a vegetarian diet just as expensive as a meat-eater diet, with nice good quality cheese, expensive vegetables like asparagus and globe artichokes.

If you corporately as a household need to tighten your belts then of course he needs to cut down on the luxury foodstuffs. You should each have equal budget fir luxuries between you.

In my household DH is fully veggie but has a particular fondness for expensive Gü puddings. I don't eat the Gü puds and just have an apple to round off a meal, but a roughly similar amount of money buys me an occasional pack of smoked salmon as I am not quite veggie (though more than 95% of what I eat is vegetarian), so it all balances out. If money was tight then both these little treats would go out the window.

I don't eat meat and its never crossed my mind that my husband's diet is more expensive than mine! Apart from anything he is bigger than me and requires more calories. However, if you're trying to reduce costs and buying cheaper bread, buy cheaper meat too.

I had an ex like this - we'd go out and I'd drink water, he'd be ordering coke after coke. Always had to have a starter and a pudding. Always wanted to split the billet equally, even in groups. At home it was constant snacks, steaks, beers. He didn't eat like that at his house before he moved in to mine and was sharing the bills! Once I'd noticed it, and saw how greed was just part of his personality, I just got the ick. It wasn't just about the money, it was the entitlement, and he didn't just do it with food either.

I couldn't cope with my oh monitoring my eating or spending habits like this.

OMG let the poor man eat his bacon and find some other way to cut back.