Meat eater benefits from sharing finances with veggie

[SpingTimeMelody]

Ah, this is an issue we come back to time and time again (well every year or so I guess).

I'm vegetarian and as such my food is generally less expensive. My DH eats meat. No problem with that as such, but he hasn't cut down the amount of meat he eats, if anything he eats more now. Today he had bacon medallions with breakfast, a tin of tuna with lunch and plans to have an expensive individually wrapped chicken breast with dinner. These cost about £2.25 per breast and sometimes he has two.

His Pov: I can eat what I like.

My Pov: Yes, but... Food comes out of "joint money", and we are spending too much. I am trying to cut back like I bought the cheaper bread to save 60p. If I suddenly decided to eat meat (not going to happen) but we wouldn't be able to afford it. Basically he can only afford to eat meat the way he does because I have a much cheaper diet....

What is the answer? No kids btw

And if the roles were reversed people would be calling him controlling.

You are not students in a houseshare divvying up who owes what and who used more butter.

This! The only time I have ever argued over this was second year uni when I lived with 2 veggies and one ate 2 large blocks of cheese a week.

@SpingTimeMelody

Sounds like its not about the meat but about how you budget/split finances.

If you feel you're being shafted by your oh expecting you to fund his 'lifestyle' then change how you budget.

Seperate the food budget into his and yours.

I think it depends how much more his food is costing. If the difference isn’t much, I wouldn’t worry but I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to pay more if his food is costing substantially more than yours because of his insistence to eat meat/fish in every meal. My partner eats meat, but it does seem excessive to eat meat/fish in all meals and I don’t know many people that eat meat/fish that do.

Another one of the many MN threads that remind me how glad I am to be single and I don't have to endure these petty squabbles.

But no normal couples live like this!

I think you need to take the veggie/meat eater out of it. It's not relevant and confuses things. As other posters have pointed out lots of vegetarian food can be expensive, lots of meat or fish can be cheap. It sounds like this is an issue around lifestyle and finances.
Maybe you could agree a budget around the weekly/daily cost of food?

To me, what he's eaten sounds a bit extravagant but I am on a budget- clearly other posters view this as normal. You need to talk about it and meet in the middle.

He's a meat eater and meat is more expensive
If it's an issue dump him and find a vegetarian if your that tight
It's your choice not to eat meat he chooses to eat it

I think you're being petty.
If he was buying steaks every night I'd see your point, but he's not.
I'd be pissed off with DH if he suddenly started shouting at me for buying shampoo, conditioner, facial moisturiser, etc as part of our shop which are things he either doesn't use or uses a lot less of than me. To quote an old MN saying, this is not a hill I would die on.

I’m embarrassed for you OP! I couldn’t tolerate this pettiness in a partner

Would have be better to lead with your third post 🤷🏻‍♀️

He over spends the agreed shopping budget, then expects you to subsidise it.

Along with his selective bad maths.

YANBU and he’s taking the piss!

You’re married… if you’re griping about splitting bills of how much you eat, it’s not really working, sorry.

I don’t eat a lot of meat And even i don’t think that’s excessive
breakfast, lunch and dinner, just fine.
Bacon breakfast, tuna sandwich/salad and chicken for dinner, what’s wrong with that?

I get your point op but it does seem petty to argue over the food bill in a marriage. If he was spending £10k on a Rolex and there's no money left for you to buy anything for yourself and meaning you have to be careful for both of you, then fair enough.

YABU

I'm vegetarian and I'd never begrudge DH the cost of meat, for the simple reason that my veggie stuff can often be more expensive

Also many members of mine/his family and friends must have spent a fair whack over the years whenever they have hosted me eg. buying veggie gravy, separate vegetarian mains for dinner just for me etc...

Yanbu…. It’s easy to opt for expensive anything if you know someone else is subsiding it. Honestly get the calculator out and add up the joint stuff, your food and extras such as face cream if that’s chucked in the trolley, and his stuff. If you’re splitting 50/50 he has to see he can’t keep living the high life when you’re overspending your agreed food budget so regularly. Tbf my dh only realised how expensive food shop had become when he came with me for a few bits- so no alcohol or meat and we still spent £60

When you are keeping score the game is up.

You could work out how the grocery shop splits. We do this and it works for us. We’ve been together 15 years and in the early years we were students on a budget so if one paid for the shopping we’d go through the receipt and work out what is split and what the other person owes them. We just kept doing it…it’s not hard to do. I pay all bills, he pays all shopping, and I keep a track of what he owes me for bills and what I owe him for groceries. At the end of the month we see how it has all balanced out.
I get that many people think this is ‘depressing’ or whatever, but it works for us and it would for many others.

YABU. It is not right to try and manipulate another person into feeling they do not deserve to have food they like because you disapprove of the type or cost of it. That way lies eating disorders and constant stress for both the would-be controller and the manipulator.

Having been on the receiving end of that sort of shit for most of my life, I'd actually leave anybody who started to judge and attempt to police my food choices.

I've been desperately skint many times. Until it's at the point that I cannot physically pay the council tax, I will not compromise on food; nobody is ever going to get a second change to say 'That gluten free bread is too expensive. You'll have to stop eating it whilst I eat what I want and you can go without or have another fucking baked potato'. I'd wash my hair in washing up liquid, steal bog rolls from work, wear glasses that were wrong about five prescriptions ago - but no, you leave my food alone.

This.

If you are going to be this ridiculous and petty then I would suggest separate finances, fridge, shopping and cooking.

I'm a full on meat eater (to the extent I hate veggie days)

But I wouldn't have meat like this at all three meals, seems a lot of food for 1 day as well. I don't mean in a I can only eat half a lettuce leaf a week kind of way

OP, is it really about the fact that meat is expensive, or is about feeling resentful that you are trying to save money, and he's undoing your efforts?

If it's the latter, then maybe a chat about where else you can save money, and agreeing a slightly higher budget for the food, so he can have meat, and you can have your nice bread?

Honestly your life sounds a bit joyless and petty

This. It's a sad life when someone someone policed on what they can and can't eat.

I agree with the pp who said meat/veggie isn’t really relevant. The issue is your differing attitudes to the shopping budget. Can you get an online shopping delivery pass to do a weekly order and meal plan together? So he can see that 2 x expensive wrapped chicken breasts take you over budget etc. or you can say “ok, so that’s your meal for Monday night, I’ll get insert items that cost same”. I do think bacon breakfast on a week day is excessive unless low carbing. Tuna is pretty cheap per tin though.