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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Messy' guest room sheets

200 replies

WorkingOnItWhateverItIs · 05/05/2022 14:22

I'm pretty sure I'm not being U but also want to check I'm not being a fusty old cow.

Had some friends round, three couples, one who isn't local asked if they could crash at ours rather than not drink or get a taxi. We said, sure! We have a guest room, all good.
They're mid 20s, my DH and I are early 40s. We have an 11y DS.
We'd told them that evening that we're early risers, just as a heads up. All good.
Next morning, they're up, showers, come down around 9.30, we all have breakfast together. They head off around 11am.
I go up to change the bedding as we have other guests due. Pull back the duvet and see a wet patch on the sheet. Pull off the sheet, the wet patch is through to the mattress. It's jizz. No doubt.
So, AIBU to think that's a bit rank? Or am I being fusty and should be a bit more chill? I don't care about the sexy time, do what you like, but clear it up. 'Finish' so it's tidy iyswim. We're likely to have them round again at some point but there's no way I'm letting them stay, is that mean? Obviously, if they asked, I'd have to say 'you know, my cleaning up jizz days are behind me and probably in front of me with a boy in the house so no thanks. Go do that in the taxi home and receive the bill instead.'

OP posts:
Clymene · 06/05/2022 07:58

rookiemere · 06/05/2022 07:06

"I genuinely don't expect my guests to fuck when I'm giving them a bed for the night, staying in a bedroom next to one of my children." from @Clymene

What on earth has being in the same building as DC got to do with it ? They won't hear or see anything. Presumably you have sex with your DH from time to time in the same house as the DC ?

Some really odd attitudes to sex, it reminds me of the Disney threads where a DH is called a sex pest because he wants his own bedroom with his DW rather than sharing with DCs.

How do you know they won't hear anything? Anyone who is I'll mannered enough to have sex and leave a massive pool of jizz on the sheet is quite likely to be inconsiderate enough to make a racket.

It's got nothing to do with being prudish but it's interesting that is how so many people are framing it.

CounsellorTroi · 06/05/2022 08:24

I’m also a bit 😦re these incidents of bleeding on the sheet. If I knew my period was due around the time I was staying with someone I’d use sanitary protection at night just in case.

rookiemere · 06/05/2022 08:30

"Massive pool of jizz"
Grin apparently rude people produce more sperm than normal ones. Who knew !

RampantIvy · 06/05/2022 08:43

What's with the hysterical "inspecting the bedding" posts? The OP pulled the duvet back to strip the bed and it was blatantly obvious. No "inspecting" needed.

I couldn't care less what nocturnal activities any guests of ours get up to as long as it is legal and doesn't wake people up, but not being able to use tissues to "stem the flow" so to speak is rather thoughtless.

Goldencarp · 06/05/2022 08:48

You are not being unreasonable. It’s disgusting, they just have known it was there 🤢. I’m sure they could have gone without for one flipping night ! I’d never have sex in someone’s house if I was staying fir one night. Definitely wouldn’t let them stay again.

ParisNoir · 06/05/2022 08:48

RampantIvy · 06/05/2022 08:43

What's with the hysterical "inspecting the bedding" posts? The OP pulled the duvet back to strip the bed and it was blatantly obvious. No "inspecting" needed.

I couldn't care less what nocturnal activities any guests of ours get up to as long as it is legal and doesn't wake people up, but not being able to use tissues to "stem the flow" so to speak is rather thoughtless.

I'm guessing those people never change the sheets when guests have stayed over! voms

KosherDill · 06/05/2022 09:00

Ponoka7 · 05/05/2022 14:38

They should have stripped the bed. Really they could have refrained for one night, or put a towel down out of respect.

This.

What crass, inconsiderate people.

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/05/2022 09:45

I'm also baffled that people get so worked up about this. There's something really puritanical about it all. Couple of have sex in a bed shocker.

Yes its a bit ew. It won't hurt you or do any permanent damage to your belongings.

Chuck it in the machine, end of.

CounsellorTroi · 06/05/2022 09:57

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/05/2022 09:45

I'm also baffled that people get so worked up about this. There's something really puritanical about it all. Couple of have sex in a bed shocker.

Yes its a bit ew. It won't hurt you or do any permanent damage to your belongings.

Chuck it in the machine, end of.

No there’s nothing puritanical about it. Having sex is a private thing and in someone else’s home is just taking “make yourself at home” too far. And it was just one night fgs.

THisbackwithavengeance · 06/05/2022 09:57

It is rank. If you absolutely must have sex in someone else's guest bed, then at least clean up after you.

I am bemused by those that think this is ok.

It's like we can't possibly expect the poor man to go a whole night without a shag.

ParisNoir · 06/05/2022 10:04

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/05/2022 09:45

I'm also baffled that people get so worked up about this. There's something really puritanical about it all. Couple of have sex in a bed shocker.

Yes its a bit ew. It won't hurt you or do any permanent damage to your belongings.

Chuck it in the machine, end of.

I dont care about people having sex in my spare room, I just think its polite not to leave your bodily fluids everywhere. Just like, I dont care if people poop in my toilet, but if they left skid stains all over the bowl I'd find that a bit gross and rude. I dont care if someone has a period but I'd rather not find used tampons all over the floor. Its not about what they're actually doing, its about being a bit considerate for the person clearing it up- especially when you are a guest.

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/05/2022 10:07

@CounsellorTroi

Going to the toilet is also a private thing. Would you expect a house guest to abstain from using the toilet?

I get that having wild and noisy sex at someone’s house within earshot of their kids is inconsiderate. But we are just talking about a small stain caused by a bodily function which was overlooked. It’s a bit yuck to clean up but fundamentally no different in terms of hygiene from a sweat or saliva excretion. But because it involves sex it’s thought to be more dirty.

There is sometimes a very weird attitude to sex on here anyway: it’s something that some MN people seem to feel you are more or less expected to grow out of once you have children, a messy and unhygienic indulgence which is only to be done once a week when the children are out on top of a towel with a pack of tissues to hand and never in other people’s homes. It doesn’t stand up to rational scrutiny. Which is why I think it’s basically a weird puritanical hangover from the days when we were all religious.

Maybe I am weird but I couldn’t really care less if people shag in my house as long as I don’t have to hear it.

2kl4skl · 06/05/2022 10:09

No there’s nothing puritanical about it. Having sex is a private thing and in someone else’s home is just taking “make yourself at home” too far. And it was just one night fgs.

I agree, I guess I'm a Puritan (according to some), I don't care. At the very least he discreet. People really have no shame, how can you leave your fluids on the bed like that

ParisNoir · 06/05/2022 10:11

Going to the toilet is also a private thing. Would you expect a house guest to abstain from using the toilet

No- but I also wouldnt leave shit stains all over the bowl either for someone else to clean.

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/05/2022 10:16

I wouldn't go to the toilet without cleaning up either. But @Clymene and others have said that they think its bad manners to have sex in someone else's house.

Yes they probably should have stripped the bed and I probably would have done but I couldn't get too worked up about it if someone else didn't.

But I definitely think the idea that its rude to have sex in anyone else's house is quite repressed and weird.

EarringsandLipstick · 06/05/2022 10:19

a generous dollop of fresh jizz

But they didn't, did they? They had sex, and you saw the wet patch afterwards. It's not quite the same as someone literally leaving the remnants of their masturbation

Of course it went through to the mattress as you'd no protector. I can't believe you put sheets straight onto a mattress.

I don't think it's brilliant but I'm not sure what they could do. Yes, they could have stripped the sheets but some people don't like when guests do that; and if they had the wet spot would still have been on the mattress, nothing they could do about that.

I don't think they did anything wrong, really.

CounsellorTroi · 06/05/2022 10:19

Going to the toilet is also a private thing. Would you expect a house guest to abstain from using the toilet?

Going to the toilet is something you need to do. Having sex when you’re staying at someone’s house is not.

I am reminded though, of a funny Smith and Jones sketch.

Smith and Jones are sitting at a kitchen table. A couple can be heard enthusiastically and loudly having sex.

Jones: This is awful, I wish they’d leave.
Smith: They’re your parents, why don’t you ask them to leave?

EarringsandLipstick · 06/05/2022 10:21

Use tissues to catch the leakage. It isn't difficult.

As a side note, I never understand this. Do you mean when having PIV sex? I've never found the need for tissues to catch anything in that case?

Or am I missing something obvious?

Eyesofdisarray · 06/05/2022 10:21

Yuk
It's not the sheet is it? It's the mattress 🤢 but I agree with using a mattress protector; invaluable things

Indicatrice · 06/05/2022 10:22

Yet another reason why the sheets for guest bed are only ever used for the guest bed.

MissChanandlerBong80 · 06/05/2022 10:26

I’ve never left jizz on someone’s spare bed. But I’ve also never stayed in someone’s guest bed and not stripped the bed for them afterwards. I thought that was basic manners, jizz or no jizz.

MissChanandlerBong80 · 06/05/2022 10:30

Squiff70 · 05/05/2022 22:15

No, you can't compare the two! Having a poo is a basic, necessary function that everyone has and it cannot be controlled or avoided (nor should it). Toilets are designed for that very function!

Having sex when staying as a guest for one night in somebody's home is entirely optional and CAN be controlled or avoided. And it absolutely should!

SMH.

Show quote history

I think you can compare the two in the sense that it’s like leaving a giant skid mark in someone’s loo or dripping blood or urine on the seat and not wiping it up.

Clymene · 06/05/2022 10:30

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/05/2022 10:16

I wouldn't go to the toilet without cleaning up either. But @Clymene and others have said that they think its bad manners to have sex in someone else's house.

Yes they probably should have stripped the bed and I probably would have done but I couldn't get too worked up about it if someone else didn't.

But I definitely think the idea that its rude to have sex in anyone else's house is quite repressed and weird.

It's really not about being repressed.

Thinking about if some more, I wouldn't do it because I hate furtive sex personally and I would be worried about making a mess of the sheets. It just doesn't seem like that much fun to me.

But also my house has a tiny landing and badly fitting wonky doors so there is very little privacy even when the doors are shut. Maybe if I lived in a huge mansion with massive bedrooms I would feel differently. I'm imagining it in my house!

MrsBlaue · 06/05/2022 10:31

It is the norm to strip the bedding and put it in the washing machine. They have not done that

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/05/2022 10:33

@CounsellorTroi

Going to the toilet is something you need to do. Having sex when you’re staying at someone’s house is not.

No, true. But there's very little that you actually need to do when you're staying at someone's house beyond eating enough and drinking enough water to sustain you, using the toilet and getting a bit of sleep.

The idea that staying at someone's house is a purely functional and spartan experience of minimising your personal footprint on their lives as much as possible takes the joy out of life a bit.

I don't see why having sex at someone else's house in and of itself is any more selfish or inconsiderate than having a couple of glasses of wine. Again, if you're howling the place down its rude. But a small jizz stain which is easily washable off wouldn't bother me.