After two dates to expect this

Lovechildp · 2022-05-05T08:50:32+00:00

2 dates with a guy - plan for a third when he gets back from working abroad mid May (lawyer in france) texts most days one or two messages - nothing heavy have not had sex and I do not plan to - no sex before monogamy for me (thanks Patti S) friend says its laughable how uninterested he is in me and ‘how can I put up with that’ AIBU - he should be dumped because it will not go anywhere YANBU - this is normal communication for a stranger

Persephoned · 05/05/2022 09:53

Daily texts would be too much for me after two dates but sounds as if it’s working well for you two. It doesn’t sound as if he’s not interested to me! Did your friend mean she would expect more contact??

Original poster

Lovechildp · 05/05/2022 09:57

Persephoned · 05/05/2022 09:53

Daily texts would be too much for me after two dates but sounds as if it’s working well for you two. It doesn’t sound as if he’s not interested to me! Did your friend mean she would expect more contact??

She said she would expect more contact yes. But she got engaged to someone after a month. So.

I did that when I was in my mid 20’s. Total pantomime.

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Trudij123 · 05/05/2022 09:57

I think it’s nice - not pushy, not clingy - just checking in and that you’re both ok.

gannett · 05/05/2022 10:00

More contact than daily texts??

I went on holiday for 2 weeks without DP when we were 2 months in (it was pre-booked) and I think I messaged him twice the whole time!

Your friend is either unusually needy or she's low-key trying to sabotage you by putting doubts in your mind.

PleasantBirthday · 05/05/2022 10:02

I'd be freaked out if it was more frequent, to be honest.

Aimee1987 · 05/05/2022 10:03

I think your friend is the one with a skewed perspective on relationships. Getting engaged after a month is a massive red flag for a dysfunctional relationship.

A couple message a day is perfectly normal at this point. Play it out and have fun

CounsellorTroi · 05/05/2022 10:13

Sounds fine to me, and you sound like someone who knows exactly what she wants. Good luck, I hope it works out.

PumpkinsandKittens · 05/05/2022 10:15

How much contact does she think there should be? If he already contacts daily?

Original poster

Lovechildp · 05/05/2022 10:18

PumpkinsandKittens · 05/05/2022 10:15

How much contact does she think there should be? If he already contacts daily?

Basically he did not contact me for a couple of days when he arrived. I think he left on the Thursday and he texted me again on the Saturday or Sunday. I had not even noticed. I think I had gone on another date on the Friday TBH

she asked me ‘has he been in touch’ - I told her the above and that I had barely noticed, barely knew him and had only kissed him twice. She said ‘how can you put up with that’ - ‘he should be desperate to see you again.’

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LoveInSlowMotion · 05/05/2022 10:19

Your friend thinks that daily texts isn’t enough after 2 dates? If you’re happy, just see where it leads.

Shallysally · 05/05/2022 10:19

I once dated a chap who sent multiple texts daily. Initially I liked it, it was part of our “getting to know you” phase.

So maybe this is what your friend means? But that doesn’t suit everyone, and now I would take more contact as a sign of them being clingy.

Original poster

Lovechildp · 05/05/2022 10:22

gannett · 05/05/2022 10:00

More contact than daily texts??

I went on holiday for 2 weeks without DP when we were 2 months in (it was pre-booked) and I think I messaged him twice the whole time!

Your friend is either unusually needy or she's low-key trying to sabotage you by putting doubts in your mind.

she has something to say about all my dating situations - to the point where she researches and looks them up. She even messaged one of their exes BEFORE I had gone on the date to check he was single. I was mortified. She also looked up one on Linkedin and (as she has the same job as me) the guy knew it would be one of my friends. He laughed and did not mind.

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Aimee1987 · 05/05/2022 10:24

I think you need to stop telling this friend about your love life. She sounds creepy and weird

gannett · 05/05/2022 10:27

Lovechildp · 05/05/2022 10:22

she has something to say about all my dating situations - to the point where she researches and looks them up. She even messaged one of their exes BEFORE I had gone on the date to check he was single. I was mortified. She also looked up one on Linkedin and (as she has the same job as me) the guy knew it would be one of my friends. He laughed and did not mind.

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My god!

That is loopy behaviour. I would back away very slowly from her and definitely stop telling her about your dates.

Original poster

Lovechildp · 05/05/2022 10:29

Aimee1987 · 05/05/2022 10:24

I think you need to stop telling this friend about your love life. She sounds creepy and weird

She watches me on whatsapp to see if I am online then messages to ask who I am speaking too 😂🙈

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Sirzy · 05/05/2022 10:30

The key thing is are you happy with how things are at the moment? Sod what she says

DogWithMyOwnRoom · 05/05/2022 10:30

Your friend is an idiot - sounds like she would be very high-maintenance to date!
Almost daily texts after just 2 dates (and no sex) - I’d say yes, he is definitely interested.

Original poster

Lovechildp · 05/05/2022 10:31

gannett · 05/05/2022 10:27

My god!

That is loopy behaviour. I would back away very slowly from her and definitely stop telling her about your dates.

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Yes I am going to.

Thankfully the guys I have dated have not taken her seriously. BUT - that time on Linkedin she made is very obvious (as we are in the same career it was obvious it would be one of my friends and she did not ‘mute’ her notifications that she had looked at his profile - so he seen and asked me about it) and I did have a slight suspicion she was trying to sabotage that.

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motogirl · 05/05/2022 10:33

Sounds appropriate to me, though is he aware of your stance on sex. There's nothing wrong with your decision if that's right for you but it's fair to be up front with someone you are dating as it's unusual these days.

Original poster

Lovechildp · 05/05/2022 10:33

Sirzy · 05/05/2022 10:30

The key thing is are you happy with how things are at the moment? Sod what she says

I mean its fine - I do not know him well enough to make a call either way. Both dates lovely, total gentleman. Clearly attracted to me. He does not know me well enough to make a call either way either!

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Original poster

Lovechildp · 05/05/2022 10:35

motogirl · 05/05/2022 10:33

Sounds appropriate to me, though is he aware of your stance on sex. There's nothing wrong with your decision if that's right for you but it's fair to be up front with someone you are dating as it's unusual these days.

Its not came up.
I suppose if it did I would tell him and if that was not something he wanted we would just go seperate ways I guess

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KylieCharlene · 05/05/2022 10:36

Your friend is trying to put you off this guy as she's jealous.
The contact seems perfectly 'normal'.
Your friend knows this but doesn't want you to be happy with this man.
I'm betting she's not had much luck on the dating scene and you meeting a decent person only makes her feel worse.
She's trying to sabotage.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/05/2022 10:37

I’d seriously back off from your friend she sounds unhinged.
It’s very early days. One or two messages a day sounds plenty. If he was declaring his undying love I’d be cutting off contact.

Hiddenvoice · 05/05/2022 10:40

It sounds like your friend is a little too invested in your love life! Messaging guys without you knowing is far too much!
As you say, it’s been two dates with the guy. He’s acting normally by checking in and not overplaying it by texting constantly. If you are
happy with how things are going then ignore your friend!

YippeeKiYay155 · 05/05/2022 10:41

Sorry OP but your friend sounds like a stalker. She seriously contacts you after you've been online on WhatsApp to ask who you are talking too? That's not right. As for your new man, it sounds like you are both busy and if you are both happy with the level of contact then crack on.