After two dates to expect this

[Lovechildp]

2 dates with a guy -
plan for a third when he gets back from working abroad mid May (lawyer in france)
texts most days one or two messages - nothing heavy
have not had sex and I do not plan to - no sex before monogamy for me (thanks Patti S)

friend says its laughable how uninterested he is in me and ‘how can I put up with that’

AIBU - he should be dumped because it will not go anywhere
YANBU - this is normal communication for a stranger

I did pull back a bit last Autumn.

she then messaged a girl who she was never friends with but knew I was friends with randomly - under the guise of ‘is she OK’. The girl was like what the actual… Why am I am getting this random message to check up on her, she will be fine.

I suspect I will probably have to clear message to her that I no longer wish to continue with this odd relationship and send it and block her. Its like breaking up with an awful boyfriend.

Can I preface this by saying - I have never ever relied on this woman for any sort of emotional support, she has never held me whilst crying or been there to pick up the pieces when relationships broke down - I always done it myself or with help from sisters / close family / therapist if required. I really have no idea why this odd narrative has been projected onto me. I think the PP was right about personality disorder.

Look at even the time you have invested on this thread to you!

hide the thread
and distance yourself
neither of you seem to like or enjoy one another’s company. She trying to belittle you and get one over. You not seem to enjoy spending time with her and viewing her as unpleasant.

so stop bothering about her let alone what she thinks about a guy you’ve seen twice!

On this thread to HER meant to say

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@PumpkinsandKittens I disagree. Just because technology enables more contact it doesn't mean everyone has to use it.
All this 'being in constant contact' is really not necessary. Texts especially create more issues than they solve IMO as they are so easily mis-read. It would really put me off to be contacted daily by a new man after 2 days. It gives the impression that person has nothing else going on in their lives and something that may be casual has become all-consuming. It's just not healthy.

Each to their own but there’s no way I would date a man who contacted me once a week I would assume he either wasn’t Interested or seeing others, wouldn’t work for me!

Has only been two dates so I wouldn't expect daily contact, I think you're doing well!!

Theres a fine balance isnt there.

too keen - lovebombing, manipulative, after sex
too little - not interested, seeing others, already married

We’re talking 2 texts a day, not constant pings throughout the day every day. Just a quick check in to see how someone is? What’s wrong in that?

I wouldn’t necessarily expect a text every day without fail but believe me when I say that nowadays there is nothing at all ‘too much’ about OP’s level of communication.

In the modern dating world, a week with no contact is a huge signal of no interest, since the person should be a little bit excited to get to know a love interest and since the technology is available, there is no barrier to more contact.

I wouldn’t call two text a day too keen though, just checking in really, constant messages all day long would be too keen I think not one or two

We’re talking 2 texts a day, not constant pings throughout the day every day. Just a quick check in to see how someone is? What’s wrong in that?

It comes over as being very invested, very early on. After 2 dates many people are unsure if they even like their date.

I think that is excessive for someone you have met twice.

Would the same apply to meting a new friend?

Usually there has to be more red flags of disinterest - alongside poor communication - then I can decide if its a lost cause.

This weekend I had a bizarre second date with a guy - his whole body language turned away from me - left arm up his face the whole time and feet towards door. He kept looking at his watch. He Texted a friend during the date. Just dismissive in general and he would not have cared if I went to the loo and did not come back it seemed (nearly did that). Anyway it did not suprise me in the slighest when he messaged the next day saying ‘he is not ready to date’. The point is text messages frequency and amount are no where near enough data to have understanding if someone is keen or not in my opinion. (Unless its radio silence forever). You have to pick up on clues from spending time with them in person.

Very invested to me would be multiple texts through the day. If you’re interested in getting to know someone two texts could easily happen very naturally.

It’s not even as if a text would be expected without fail every day as I said, sometimes it will be more, sometimes less, whatever happens.

But I’d drop a man like a hot potato if it was once a week. He’s not interested.

Yes and this guy has gone to france lol
so god knows what he is upto

do any of yous listen to ‘the game’ podcast by yaz - she is totally hilarious talking about dating and apps and everything

That's actually not funny at all, and is really quite worrying in a way.

She's stalkerish and an absolute fruitcake, and my only response to that sort of question would be 'mind your own effing business'.

I think we have all agreed shes nuts
i hope her H recognises it - i think we sometimes forget abusive woman are around also

Trust your instincts Op. You were happy with how it was going. You’ve only just met him. You liked each other and agreed to see each other again. You aren’t in a relationship or intimate. He’s working, you are working. You don’t know each other. One or two texts a day sounds fine to me. Presumably he’s in work 8 hours a day and then perhaps socialising with colleagues unless you are in same area of law and have mutual acquaintances what can he say - meeting went well. If he’s sightseeing then maybe send you a pic or two. When you meet up in a few weeks you’ll get to know each other better face to face and decide to carry on or not.

Daily texts after only two dates seems a lot to me! Texting is for matter-of-fact stuff like making arrangements. Anything more personal is face to face, or at least a phone call. I can't imagine getting to know someone via text.

I agree with most of the PPs .
A couple of text a day is plenty , tbh a text every other day would be fine with me at this stage.

Your friend needs yo keep her beak out of your relationship.

I round not divulge any info about your current fella or any others.

However I must admit I would be sorely tempted to make somebody up a complete fabrication of a person and their job make as diverse as possible so she can't possibly tie all the bits of information together but will go round in circles trying to.
it will keep her off your back for a bit 😂

I am tempted to tell her I am married with a child on the way to cease all further speculation.

Your so called friend says he's not interested in you, so you started a thread in here to check. Most MNers' replied have been to say ignore your friend [I agree] so you're saying you'll dump her.

OP, listen to your own instincts , we can all give opinions but we can't make up your mind for you !

💐💐💐💐

He doesn't sound interested

😂😂😂😂

You’re friend is a bit loopy! Engaged after a month? Nuts!!!