After two dates to expect this

[Lovechildp]

2 dates with a guy -
plan for a third when he gets back from working abroad mid May (lawyer in france)
texts most days one or two messages - nothing heavy
have not had sex and I do not plan to - no sex before monogamy for me (thanks Patti S)

friend says its laughable how uninterested he is in me and ‘how can I put up with that’

AIBU - he should be dumped because it will not go anywhere
YANBU - this is normal communication for a stranger

I'd bet any money your friend is the type of girl that feels the need to have a joint facebook account with her boyfriend/husband. Patti Stanger probably has a different name for people like your friend, but I like stage 5 clinger. Don't tell her anything else.

i think your wrong not to tell. him before he wastes time on you.

I for one couldnt be with someone who couldnt have sex before marriage as for me id want to know if we were sexually compatible before we married and i think not telling someone a deal breaker before you get serious is wrong.

friend?

she doesn’t seem to like you
you don’t seem to be like her

Your friend is, not to put too fine a point on it, batshit crazy. Back away.

As for this guy, if you're happy and he's happy, then I'd say you're onto a winner. There's no right or wrong amount of contact. Just the right amount of contact for the two of you.

Your friend's being riduclous.

She watches me on whatsapp to see if I am online then messages to ask who I am speaking too

@Lovechildp Just because she asks doesn’t mean you have to tell her.

Your friend’s behaviour is massively over the top and out of line. Messaging the ex of someone you are going on a date with before said date would be ridiculous for you to have done, far less your friend without your knowledge.

Its creepy and controlling. Far more worrying than anything you’ve said about date chap.

Her negativity is an issue too - it’s an attempt at putting you down constantly by stating that he’s not interested.

if you were getting into a relationship with her people would be warning you about massive red flags

@Seraphinesupport the OP said sex before monogamy, not sex before marriage. I presume this means she means she would only consider sex if they had agreed to be exclusive, which is very different to getting married!

OP - the level of contact sounds fine to me, and your friend sounds batshit!

I'm a serial messager!!!! But even for me, after two dates, a couple of texts a day would be fine

She watches me on whatsapp to see if I am online then messages to ask who I am speaking too

Sorry but your friend is odd and controlling towards you. You need to look at why you’re allowing her to behave like this.

There are so many ways to date and everyone's different. Some people like it hot and heavy from the start others like a relationship that grows. There isnt a right or wrong way

Just read some of your posts. Your friend needs a hobby!

After 2 dates that level of messaging seems fine to me, personally anything more than that I would find too much!

I agree with other posters, your friend sounds way too controlling so I would be ditching her not your new boyfriend.

I'm a bit confused by your monogamy comment - so you're both still dating each other people; this isn't exclusive? If so, then I wouldn't expect any more contact. In fact, I wouldn't even expect daily contact.

If the relationship was exclusive, then I'd expect more contact tbh. As a PP said, in that getting to know each other, shiny, happy phase, I'd expect lots of messages, calls, dates, etc.

How have you tolerated this behaviour from your friend? Haven't you pulled her up about it, I'd have been mortified about both episodes you mention. She sounds psychotic. Sounds like she will try and actively sabotage any relationship before it even starts.

The contact seems normal to me. Any less and I would take it as he wasn’t that interested. Every relationship I’ve had with someone that has every gone anywhere I have heard from them every day since we met.

Is your friend in a happy, emotionally stable place to give you relationship advice?

He is in a different country and has a job. No one has time to text all day. And a couple of texts a day is normal even for those of us married.. what’s going on with this need for constant contact? People have lives and don’t need to be on their phone all the time.

I wouldn’t take advcje from someone engaged after one month also.. what’s their marriage like? Are they still married? Does her partner/husband text her constantly.

You are fine OP.

I agree that a few texts a day is nice but I agree with other comments that some of the messaging in the early days is about getting to know one another too.

I've been on 2 dates with someone and he then asked me my surname which actually made me feel a bit on edge as I wondered if they were going to Google me/look me up as well.

I also agree with your view of no sex before monogamy.

You do understand you don’t have to tell her who you are talking to or even respond of she sees you on Whatsapp, right? Why are you asking if she’s right rather than figuring out how to shoehorn her out of your business?

Aimee1987 I love a poster who makes ridiculous assertions about other people's lives. 39 years ago I fell into bed within a few hours of meeting someone I felt a strong attraction to. We were engaged within 2 weeks, married the following summer and celebrate our 38th wedding anniversary this year. We have two lovely grown up children, are very happy and still very attracted to each other. We are looking forward to being retired later in the year and having lots of fun - Dysfunctional? certainly not.
And back to the main question I think the OP seems to be in a good place for her with this relationship, and contact once a day sounds about right.

He is a lawyer, on business in France.

Of course he isnt messaging you much.

He will run a mile if you even bring this up.
Friend is trying to jeapordise.

It sounds perfectly normal to me. He is texting you most days after only 2 dates while he is working abroad - he sounds very interested and respectful to me.

Is your friend one of those people who is obsessed with relationships to the point that she has nothing going on in her life? Is she very clingy/needy?

I have dumped men for texting me multiple times while I am at work when I barely know them, or for texting me at 6.30am in the morning and waking me up. I would think most people in busy jobs would be the same.

They've had 2 dates. How on earth would they be in a relationship after just 2 dates?

You’ve only met him twice and he’s already messaging you every single day. What exactly is she expecting him to do?

Jesus. The dating world is so weird nowadays with the expectation of constant bloody texting as soon as you've met.

When I was last "dating" it was the done thing to definitely NOT make too much contact! Don't want to look too keen as it puts people off! Surely that still applies today?!? It's just human nature isn't it?

I wouldn’t expect even daily texts from someone after 2 dates, especially if we weren’t seeing each other exclusively. I’m not sure I’d like even that level but it shows he’s interested in you for sure!

Friend sounds nuts. And jealous.