To think male violence will never end?

[YouAreNotBatman]

I was reading the news about 14 year old boy raping and killing a 10 year old girl and I just became so tired.
So tired of endless violence boys and men do to girls and women.
And how they don’t care, they seem to think it’s funny or get angry at any woman who try and speak about it.

No level of fury, just a bit triggered by such an ignorant OP. Thanks for the judgement though! Notice I said "some of you" are arguably worse. Not ALL of you? Unlike the OP who declared us all the problem.

Not once did I say the topic itself isn't valid, but I did take exception to the OP stating that MEN are the whole problem. I find that deeply offensive to be quite honest.

Appreciate the links, but not the whatabouterry in your final line... That isn't what we were talking about.

I actually sought out therapy myself because I'm emotionally intelligent enough to know when damage has been done that needs outside help. A lot of men won't seek help or report DV from a female partner due to feelings of shame and inadequacy. It's a very difficult situation to be in, but my defending male victims and decent men is in no way dismissing what women also experience, so please, perhaps try and have some empathy rather than try to shut me down.

Hey guess what my lovely abuser once said to me? Knowing I always wanted kids and suffered through a miscarriage with an ex; "I wish I'd gotten pregnant just so I could kill it in front of your face".

Lovely.

It won't end. I mean look at the complete shitshow this thread has become because men (and MRAs) can't even acknowledge the problem never mind take any responsibility towards ending it.

Perhaps we should organise a female revolution. It's the only way it would change and let's be honest if women were in charge everywhere for even a tenth of the time that men have been, I think we'd see vast differences in the approach to DV; to rape conviction rates; to the porn industry that normalises violence in sex; to social media where death threats against women are common, etc.

I haven't disputed that. But sexual assault/rape is a different subject to general violence and abuse. I think I've had 3 partners now who have experienced rape, and it's sadly pretty common. There's clearly more work/discussion to be done on that for all of us as a society.

A cynic might think, however, that you're only now bringing that up to try and back up your earlier assertion about all men...

So better to ignore rape victims, because it’s so common?

Circles and circles you’ll go….

And I never said anything about ALL men, go check, never once I said that.
So drop that.

So many excuses made for boys treating others badly, from very young ages. Not enough nurture and praise for boys who are sensitive and shy. Ongoing bullshit about 'typical' boys and men, as if violence, selfishness, callousness and cruelty are a natural part of being male.

This is true but so many women prefer men who are the exact opposite of “sensitive and shy”. We are still choosing men for reproductive fitness rather than life partner fitness!

Wow. Now you're really clutching at straws OP! Ignore rape victims? Wow. What a thing to say. If you want to discuss rape and issues around victim support and/or conviction rates etc. then you should start a thread about it so we can have a conversation. I've seen first hand what rape does to a person, so to claim I'd dismiss victims is downright insulting. And wrong.

Since this thread is talking about male violence, I'm going to stay on topic.

To quote your earlier post:

Most violent crime, terrorism and rape is by men.
So the problem is men.
Not people, or women.

You basically exonerated women of any wrongdoing, which triggered me somewhat. Just own it if that's how you feel, but be prepared to be called on it.

Sexual harrasment, assault and rape are all part of violence.
It part of the important topic.

And I still didn’t say all men.
Maybe you should look into why you are so triggered, that’s your responsability.
Meanwhile we have an epidemic of men's entitlement and hatred and violence happening.

You can see the entitlement by the way posters try to derail. It's 2022 and social media has emboldened MRAs because they are not held accountable for their threats. They genuinely think they have the right to derail every thread, every article, every post wailing 'what about me?!' They think not being the centre of attention is the equivalent to women being murdered at a rate of over two per week. As the Counting Dead Women project says: to solve a problem, you need to be able to say what it is. That's why MRAs don't want woman to be able to talk about it.

Exactly.

Thanks

It's actually ok and have managed to make peace with it and my mother, although I don't have anything to do with her anymore.

I genuinely think the hardest part of it was having my own children and the crippling internal struggle with wanting to repeat my childhood, but being determined to give them a different upbringing. I don't know if anyone has done the same but it's not as easy as telling yourself that you're not going to beat your children. I think it's made everything else in my life seem like a walk in the park.

I'm definitely not excusing men but for some, violence will be the easy option as you don't have to critically examine or confront your past, fight your demons or change what appears to be ingrained. Lashing out is easy as the only person it hurts is your victim. In this respect I very much doubt male violence will end as it's a step too far for some.

You are 100% correct.

I do always wonder how many women are actually being violent/abusive, but not reported/ have it believed. Obviously this happens when it's men too, and it does happen when women do it.

With the increase in social media, there's been many times that someone has committed suicide from being bullied online a female or more than one. How many people on here have teenagers being bullied online by kids their own age? It's not actual murder obviously, but you could consider it manslaughter to a degree when the teenagers are telling other kids to kill themselves. Yet nothing happens to them, they get away with it.

How many others have gotten away with it? How many people have been bullied by others at work and its driven them to suicide too? Abuse doesn't have to be physical, and I find women are usually better at mental torture really, as horrible as that sounds.

Okey, I’m done.

I get, you don’t want change. Or a safer world.
You want violence to continue.

Let’s all pretend there is no problem.

Don't want violence to continue. My point from that was more because everyone says it's mainly men doing it, but are the results skewed to look worse because things don't get reported or counted? I think it would still be mainly men, but maybe not as high percentage.

I still think what I said at the beginning, you cannot control everyone in the world. People aren't deterred by punishments. People have been violent since the beginning of time. The reasons have changed, but the outcome stays the same. And there's many more of us now, you'll never stop it. What someone else said is true, you will make yourself miserable op hoping for it.

A safer world would be great, but it will never happen. You'll need to kill everyone first and leave one person. Then you can guarantee no violence.

Well actually, you could potentially make it happen..

It would require surveillance cameras with audio recordings in every home, every street, shop etc. Full monitoring of people, with more police etc staff monitoring for violence. And any time it happens, the person is hauled off, no questions asked, the victim can't pretend it didn't happen. The abuser goes to jail instantly. Bit like minority report style world.

You OK with that?

Rape, sexual assault/harassment absolutely is part of violence/male violence.

I'm not a man or an MRA, Im a woman.

I ask you the same question I asked earlier.

Why would I want to pretend a problem which by your logic could kill me doesn't exist?

I think the person being the most combative and doing hte most wailing has been the OP.

@YouAreNotBatman and others, is there a reason you have ignored a PP's post who speaks eloquently and beautifully having abhorrently lost her own parent through male violence yet still manages to look at the issue on a balanced level? It's pretty dreadful of you to have ignored that and continue to take swipes at other posters.

I'm curious as to what you are actually calling for in practical terms? Violence is neither accepted nor encouraged, it is prohibited by law and prosecuted accordingly. It still happens, has always happened and will continue as long as there are humans but all the state can do is educate, legislate and enforce.

Also what reaction do you expect by berating men that they are the problem by immutable fact of their birth? It's no different from berating someone brown for the evils of terrorists. The problem is not men, the problem is criminals. Much like the problem is not brown people, the problem is terrorists. The overwhelming majority cause no problems, the problems are caused by a tiny but prolific minority.

And yes, obviously I'm a man.

Just a coincidence that it’s overwhelmingly men who kill and commit sexual assault then? Not worth maybe having a wee long at what else they have in common?

Agreed. 100 percent on the money.

Is there a reason it's OK to discriminate against men in this manner but it wouldnt be if you were to be talking about , as PP pointed out, people of a certain race?

I'm glad you're done, because despite your wails of "lets pretend there is no problem", you're the one shutting down the discussion by attacking anyone who doesn't nod sand say "Yes OP you're perfectly right". However, if that had happened, would you actually have solved anything? I've yet to see you offer solutions.

Can you explain why you think pointing out the fact that men overwhelmingly commit the majority of rapes and murders is discrimination?