Why are all my friends talking about the menopause??

[MrsJasonSudeikis]

Ok - I truly hope I don't offend anyone with this thread and I am fully aware that many women suffer with symptoms of the menopause. I know this is probably my own stuff/issues but where better to share/rant than than on AIBU??

I am 47 and a mother of 3 kids (14 and twins aged 11). I feel much more energetic now that my kids are older. I enjoy my job (meaningful) and have recently started back playing tennis and going to gigs/comedy gigs when we can with my husband. We have a really happy marriage (of course not perfect) and a great sex life! I would say we are having better sex than ever and I feel really at peace with my body and looks (although I looked great in my 20s but I never 'felt' it!) Life is pretty good and I don't wish to come across as the 'i'm alright jack' kind of person but almost everyone in my circle (some friends - not all have gone to the dark side!), work colleagues constantly talk about ageing, and being an older woman and the menopause in a really negative way and it it driving me crazy!! Life book the nursing home already!!?

They speak in the collective 'we' and this is not my experience at all! My energy (and I have to say sex drive) is much higher than it was!! I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet. My mother and sisters were the same (mid 50s more like). I totally understand that it is good to speak honestly about menopause and ageing but where are the positive role models and stories?? I know we have Emily in Paris (lol!) etc but I am really feeling so triggered and a bit angry about it that I honestly feel like I will start to not have anything in common with my cohort/circles!

Am I in complete denial? Is it ok to name this? After 2 years of a pandemic, I want to surround myself with people of energy and youth and I know this sounds awful selfish!! I can be anxious at times (did during pandemic) but I am making a conscious decision to live my best life! The menopause also seems to be a reason and almost a personality trait for some women and the cause of all their woes which also annoys me!! I always found the lack of exercise and the tanking a bottle of wine a night (in past) was what was that caused anxiety for me much more. Not hormones.

End of rant and just saying - I am much more sympathetic IRL but I need to get this off my chest and wonder does anyone else out there feel like me??

My energy (and I have to say sex drive) is much higher than it was!! I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet

That says it all, you're not in menopause yet so how on earth would you know what it feels like ? Come back later to update when you do experience symptoms.

How would you know if you never had any problem?

It’s great you feel so well and maybe you will sail through it all, some women do. I think we all find different things hard, for instance I could give birth relatively easily but breast feeding nearly broke me. My best friend had difficult births but enjoyed breast feeding and didn’t want to stop!

My advice to you is stay fit and watch your weight. I was never over 9stone until age 50. Felt great. Shortly after my 50th things went downhill. Hair loss, weight gain, loss of libido, long very heavy periods. Age 55 now, 11 1/2 stone and still having periods. Hoping to be nearly through it, fingers crossed. Husband has had to dig deep too.

You know when friends who don't have kids talk about what they'd do if they were parenting, as if if they know but, of course, they don't?

In the nicest possible way, that's you, but with menopause.

If you're in a great place that's brilliant. Be thankful and enjoy yourself, but you don't get to diminish how your friends feel because you don't feel it.

Menopause can be hell for some women. Have more empathy.

My mum claims she had no symptoms at all and breezed through- ha am not so sure I remember a few epic uncharacteristic melt downs from her when I was in the sixth form!

Feel pretty good at 47 must say quite apprehensive about the next few years - already a few signs feeling hot / brain fog / odd sleep patterns etc but manageable …so far anyway

Your smear test may be painful because you may be suffering from vaginal atrophy ( and that was about 4 years ago?) and you have mentioned dryness. You might want to consult your GP to get this conditions rectified.

🤣🤣🤣

Sex drive can increase for a while before menopause (fertility’s last hurray). I felt nothing at 47, am ok now at 49 but feel fortunate. I’d say all my friends are ok but a big part of them getting there is due to the conversations that have been taking place more recently and the increase in information available. I’d say every one has had some form of impact from the menopause but been able to find ways to offset these in a way they may not have done even 10 years ago.

Well good for you! If only anxiety and the menopause could be controlled simply by deciding to live our best lives….

I was like you at 47, full of energy, enjoying the kids being older, going to gigs, etc etc etc. Then I hit 49 and the menopause hit me! Roll on a few years and I am a shell of myself, full of health anxiety and pain, neither of which I had before. I eat healthily, never drink, exercise daily but none of that has really helped. I am now on hrt which is slowly giving me my life back.

It’s like telling somebody to move on from their grief after a death as it’s only when you experience that intense pain do you truly know.

The only thing I would say to you is never let your friends know how you feel about their conversations and be extremely grateful you are not affected by your hormones as they are.

The menopause has given me fibroids? flooding and endometriosis and no amount of positive thinking seems to help with that.

My mother never talked about menopause but that was typical of her generation. They were all put on Valium. I came at this with little knowledge but due to being in a private medical situation at the time I was very well looked after and started HRT. It is up to each woman to be their own cheerleader in the NHS as regards any aspect of their health but especially with menopause. Some people are lucky with symptoms at the time but seem unaware of how living in a hormone depleted situation will affect their bodies. Oh and the last thing a raging menopausal woman wants is someone saying have you tried some agnus castus 😂. There is a lot of media coverage right now about it all but why not? Do we say the same thing about breast cancer or mental health - oh it's better not to talk about it? Menopause isn't just a few months of your life and luckily I used to have a very good male GP who knew it is quality of life which is important. My now female doctors are hugely disappointing in their attitude ( whole other topic there). @MrsJasonSudeikis I see this is a post and run but I fear for some of the posters on here.

If you're young enough to unironically say 'triggered' you're not old enough or angry enough to have hit the menopause.

Good luck when it comes to you.

I think it's very possible to be energetic and vigorous post menopause but for some women, meno just hits them like a train and they need to have that validated - until about two mins ago no one discussed it at all!. It's not fair to assume that they will always be 'old' from now on thought.

One day the menopause( or even worse) might just bite you on the arse, hopefully any friends you have left will support you.

Jeez…..bad attitude OP. I was pretty much as you 43-47…..it’s great, enjoy it while it lasts. I’m not far off 53 now and a different mind set doesn’t seem to quite cut it. No tanking of wine here either.
to be so dismissive of fellow females going through what is often a very difficult time is disappointing to say the least. Sweep it under the carpet, eh?! Change the conversation. Great attitude. You sound like an amazing person.

@Tessabelle74 - I think the new platform has lost your 'irony refresh' button.

I'm 56. Feel fine. Bit of vaginal dryness but I think I can get a pessary for that.

I'm sure it's great that the subject is more out in the open these days, but blimey, please don't think we're all ready for the knacker's yard without HRT!

Ok OP I'm actually post menopause now but remained quite youthful I think in attitude and looks, certainly didn't turn into a dull misery guts - but from age 50 to now (60) I may have seemed ok but certainly didn't feel it libido totally dried up, put quite a bit of weight on, suddenly got jowels and had little energy-- Just getting through work and a teenager(till 5 years ago) was hard enough. I don't think I had peri menopause though - went from nothing to 100 in months starting at 50 . I also had quite a few shocks in my long marriage in this period ,so all in all not a great time. If you feel fantastic and life is good then great- but as you aren't in that situation yet then you really can't knock your friends who are not feeling 100% -maybe in 10 years see how you feel . Either get some new feeling fantastic friends or support the ones you have if you value them

Smaller photos of HRT with a big red cross through it and maybe a witch.
😂😂😂😍😎

😡[flush, not anger] @Notonthestairs

Brava, Eufy!

@KettrickenSmiled hasn't it just? 😂

YABU for saying you are living your best life.
wtf!! You live a life because you were born and the good aspects of yours that you enjoy so much at the minute are there to be enjoyed and not rubbed in people’s faces because things have been different for them.
i fucking hate the let’s not complain women - or keep it yourself and why not throw in a “smile darling it might never happen “ while you are at it.
you’d feel differently if your DH suddenly became ill or disabled or had an affair or died or any of your children were I’ll/disabled/died - like so many people have had, menopause or not!
I am 47 and not yet menopausal. I have less joy than you because I’ve buried a daughter, have a young severely disabled DD (my only living child) and though I am fresh faced and full of energy for her I’m scared shitless of menopause and ageing because of her. How will I lift her etc.
you say you aren’t “I’m alright Jack” but that’s exactly what you are

There’s a whole movement of vocal women, a few years older than me, talking publicly about the menopause. These are the women who were the wild children on the 90s, people who have always represented our generation in the media - the likes of Zoe Ball, Davina McCall etc.

I’m glad they are using their media presence to break the taboo around the menopause. They have been quite groundbreaking in many ways over the years and if it helps women feel more comfortable in their bodies and advocate for themselves, that can only be a good thing.

That said, at 45 I’m not quite there yet, but because of the increased conversation I do find myself wondering if the night sweats I have suffered since my 30s could be meno (they’re not, doctor says anxiety) or if I’m exhausted because meno (no, teenagers) or my raging PMT is a sign of peri etc.

People are talking about it which means others latch on a bit. It’s empathy with a side of anxiety. Much like when you find out you are pregnant, suddenly you notice pregnant women everywhere.

I don’t have a problem with it though. When my time comes I’ll be glad to be informed and living in a world where I don’t have to talk in hushed tones about ‘the change’.

@LemonDrizzleSlice and @Lucinda7 - if the dryness becomes a problem please talk to your GP. I tried over the counter vaginal moisturisers, a prescription one for vaginal atrophy which caused 'clumps' of stuff to come out (probably dry skin but it was awful).

Smear tests were so painful I was gritting my teeth.

Having a wee was sore sometimes as I got fissures from the dryness. I then had to have an internal scan for a cyst check and that was that - I had to do something.

I spoke to a locum GP (male who actually understood the problem thank God) who prescribed me a very low dose HRT pessary twice a week. Oh my goodness what a revelation. The dryness has gone, my last cyst check was plain sailing.

Don't suffer in silence if it does get too much - smear tests should not be painful. Vaginal atrophy is very common in menopause.

@Tessabelle74 mine too, as I only saw your acknowledgement update after posting the wisecrack 🤐

(slopes off to Live Best Life ...)