Why are all my friends talking about the menopause??

[MrsJasonSudeikis]

Ok - I truly hope I don't offend anyone with this thread and I am fully aware that many women suffer with symptoms of the menopause. I know this is probably my own stuff/issues but where better to share/rant than than on AIBU??

I am 47 and a mother of 3 kids (14 and twins aged 11). I feel much more energetic now that my kids are older. I enjoy my job (meaningful) and have recently started back playing tennis and going to gigs/comedy gigs when we can with my husband. We have a really happy marriage (of course not perfect) and a great sex life! I would say we are having better sex than ever and I feel really at peace with my body and looks (although I looked great in my 20s but I never 'felt' it!) Life is pretty good and I don't wish to come across as the 'i'm alright jack' kind of person but almost everyone in my circle (some friends - not all have gone to the dark side!), work colleagues constantly talk about ageing, and being an older woman and the menopause in a really negative way and it it driving me crazy!! Life book the nursing home already!!?

They speak in the collective 'we' and this is not my experience at all! My energy (and I have to say sex drive) is much higher than it was!! I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet. My mother and sisters were the same (mid 50s more like). I totally understand that it is good to speak honestly about menopause and ageing but where are the positive role models and stories?? I know we have Emily in Paris (lol!) etc but I am really feeling so triggered and a bit angry about it that I honestly feel like I will start to not have anything in common with my cohort/circles!

Am I in complete denial? Is it ok to name this? After 2 years of a pandemic, I want to surround myself with people of energy and youth and I know this sounds awful selfish!! I can be anxious at times (did during pandemic) but I am making a conscious decision to live my best life! The menopause also seems to be a reason and almost a personality trait for some women and the cause of all their woes which also annoys me!! I always found the lack of exercise and the tanking a bottle of wine a night (in past) was what was that caused anxiety for me much more. Not hormones.

End of rant and just saying - I am much more sympathetic IRL but I need to get this off my chest and wonder does anyone else out there feel like me??

I felt exactly like you at 47 (though hopefully with a bit more empathy). By 54 I definitely did not feel great. I had a couple of years of soldiering through but thanks to hearing women talk about HRT and menopause I saw the light. Thanks to HRT I'm feeling much better now. I do hope you sail through but if not at least you can think back to what your friends were talking hopefully having learned a bit from them.

I was having a lovely old time in my 40's too, and refusing to believe the Menopause would be as bad as everyone made out.

You might be lucky op, but in my experience menopause can come on very suddenly and hit you like a brick and it affects every part of your life. I was expecting the heat, sleepless nights and forgetfulness, but the weight gain and loss of my waist was the biggest shocker for me. My once small waist disappeared over the course of a year. It's been the worst part for me and affects my self esteem massively.

Menopause sucks and being able to talk about it, read about it and learn about it really helps. I feel sorry for the previous generations of women who went through it quietly and alone.

They should definitely shut up about their difficulties just because you're feeling great.

Excellent humble brag btw. 10/10.

I can see both sides. I think I'm perimenopsusal with vague symptoms and do moan to some extent but I am aware not to bore on and still don't want to act "old" nor cringily young. Feel a bit lost.
I do think it needs to be talked about at work etc as it affects oerformance. Ff for Davina.

I’m only in my mid thirties but I know from my mother and her side of the family that I am likely to have an early menopause - almost certainly by my early forties. The more people talk about it the less I am afraid.. thank God it’s finally something people discuss so openly.

I am 52 and have been through menopause, quite early because it was a few years ago already. I didn’t really have any symptoms, I once posted to say so on a thread where somebody had specifically asked if it was terrible for everybody. Even on that thread, I was roundly criticised for being insensitive, even though I was just honestly answering the question!

But your post makes no sense OP, you haven’t been through menopause, so why post to say that you are feeling great when you haven’t been through it!

They speak in the collective 'we' and this is not my experience at all!

Yeah, I can identify with that. But not just menop. Lots of things that I'm supposed to identify with by virtue of being XYZ: I don't identify with. And I also agree about seeking about the glass-half-full ppl in life, not the doomsayers (many MNers are gloomsters)

1. People are talking about menop bec of Davina TV programme the other night.
2. And it's been in news about shortage of HRT patches.

There's a few other things going on, some recent workplace initiatives, some recent studies about possible benefits or harms from HRT, but those top 2 things are what's very topical.

So it's ruddy obvious why OP might know ppl talking about it. There isn't anything more to say.

There are whole threads on MN of ppl commenting that (peri)menop was non-event for them. I hope you have an easy time, too, OP.

I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet

Suggest you revisit this post in a couple of years......

I get ‘triggered’ by people blathering on about ‘living their best life’ 🙄
So yes YABU

"I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet."

I think this explains it. Some of your friends are suffering with it. You're not as you're not there yet!

I'm not going through the menopause, but your post makes you sound like an absolute bumwipe.

I had a very easy menopause. Had a hysterectomy in my 40s and ovaries removed. Once the wound healed never had another problem, in fact the joy of joy was I stopped getting migraines.

I really sympathise with women struggling, well not the two women I shared a bay with after the op who made such a fuss about hot flushes than no one got any sleep, but my main concern is that women seem to be being bombarded with horror stories about the menopause without any balance about it being a good thing for some.

I don't drink
I exercise daily
I am not overweight
I eat healthily
I go out almost every week to a gig, an exhibition or a play ( yes lucky to be able to afford it)
And the menopause is still doing my head in. I am anxious, tired, irritable.... I try not to moan about it and get on with life but it is hard sometimes to have so little energy , when I had so much all my life.

. Also do you think you are the only middle aged woman who goes to gigs? Many of us do. Find friends who do if you don't like your current ones.

I'm taking bets on an article in the Mail or Express tomorrow along the lines of "I'm bored with the Menopause - How I got my Groove back without HRT" and a little photo of the Op wearing a tennis skirt straddling a motorbike (or husband). Smaller photos of HRT with a big red cross through it and maybe a witch.

OP I went back to work aged 43. The flushes started almost instantaneously as did changes to my cycle. I bunkered down. Started HRT at 47 and it was wonderful and got me through from the point where I was wringing out my nightie and showering twice a night.

I am pretty tough and very resilient, in a happy marriage and had no life problems to manage (Ill children, no money, shit housing etc). Despite a rucksack of privilege, I still needed drugs to get me through.

I'm 61 now. People are talking about it more. I listen and sympathise.

I discussed my menopause less than most because my mother talked about it so incessantly I vowed never to mention it.

To answer your question: your friends are talking about menopause because they're going through it. Same way that friends talk about any other life event they're going through.

You could be one of the lucky ones who sails through perimenopause with no issues or symptoms. You may find out what it's all about the hard way when you go through it yourself. Who knows?

The menopause is absolutely shit for loads of women and due to the shit level of GP knowledge/care and widespread funding/supply shortages- even mild symptoms can escalate because there isn’t the appropriate treatment. YABU but you know that perfectly well.

I strongly suspect the OP is either a man or a woman I used to work with who was the absolute BEST at being everything a man could ever want.

Twins, you say? [strokes chin. Finds long white hair. Cries]

“Everything is fabulous for me so can everyone around me just shut up about their health issues and stop killing my mood.”

Secretly you’re terrified of ageing and being lumped in with the ‘old dears’ around you.
🍪

I do think this has become the 'in' thing for women in their 40s and 50s to talk about but overall it can only be a good thing. Many women suffer very badly and it's another area of life where women get a raw deal and need to band together to be more powerful.

It's not even just about whether you 'sail through' the menopause or not, it's about a fundamental depletion in important hormones which affect almost all women sooner or later, for example many women in their 70s and 80s now have osteoporosis and other bone problems.

What a charming lack of empathy. Come back in 5 years.

It's great people are talking about it. And if it's not where you are at it's probably pretty boring, just as I'm sure hearing about babies is when you don't have kids.
My friends are all in their 50s and early 60s and menopause has been a fairly frequent subject for discussions. All those battery operated little fans come out snd suddenly it's all about hot flushes, flooding and HRT. I have been extremely fortunate not to have had a single symptom other than my periods stopping (really fortunate as my mother had a terrible time and I was dreading it). But do I roll my eyes and try and change the subject? No of course not. Having a mutual bitch fest about something, whether it's about our weight, our bosses, our husbands/kids or the menopause is just one way people bond.

I'm 40, not menopausal or peri as far as I'm aware and I don't think any of my friends are either, certainly nobody has mentioned anything. I've seen the effect it had on my mum and nan though and I'm not looking forward to it happening to me at all! It doesn't make me angry if they talk about it though, people do tend to talk about the things going on in their lives with friends and family and sadly its not always going to be wonderful and happy and positive things happening.