Why are all my friends talking about the menopause??

[MrsJasonSudeikis]

Ok - I truly hope I don't offend anyone with this thread and I am fully aware that many women suffer with symptoms of the menopause. I know this is probably my own stuff/issues but where better to share/rant than than on AIBU??

I am 47 and a mother of 3 kids (14 and twins aged 11). I feel much more energetic now that my kids are older. I enjoy my job (meaningful) and have recently started back playing tennis and going to gigs/comedy gigs when we can with my husband. We have a really happy marriage (of course not perfect) and a great sex life! I would say we are having better sex than ever and I feel really at peace with my body and looks (although I looked great in my 20s but I never 'felt' it!) Life is pretty good and I don't wish to come across as the 'i'm alright jack' kind of person but almost everyone in my circle (some friends - not all have gone to the dark side!), work colleagues constantly talk about ageing, and being an older woman and the menopause in a really negative way and it it driving me crazy!! Life book the nursing home already!!?

They speak in the collective 'we' and this is not my experience at all! My energy (and I have to say sex drive) is much higher than it was!! I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet. My mother and sisters were the same (mid 50s more like). I totally understand that it is good to speak honestly about menopause and ageing but where are the positive role models and stories?? I know we have Emily in Paris (lol!) etc but I am really feeling so triggered and a bit angry about it that I honestly feel like I will start to not have anything in common with my cohort/circles!

Am I in complete denial? Is it ok to name this? After 2 years of a pandemic, I want to surround myself with people of energy and youth and I know this sounds awful selfish!! I can be anxious at times (did during pandemic) but I am making a conscious decision to live my best life! The menopause also seems to be a reason and almost a personality trait for some women and the cause of all their woes which also annoys me!! I always found the lack of exercise and the tanking a bottle of wine a night (in past) was what was that caused anxiety for me much more. Not hormones.

End of rant and just saying - I am much more sympathetic IRL but I need to get this off my chest and wonder does anyone else out there feel like me??

@Blue4YOU I am so sorry for your loss, & will spare you any platitudes.

xx

Oh and my realisation that it had probably started was absolutely constant really acute vaginal itching over the whole 'down below' area, particularly at night- that's a real corker for making you feel great . As others have said it's like childbirth, some literally virtually breathe a baby out- others are in trauma for months after forceps and last minute non planned c sections and until you have been there and done it you don't know which you will be.

This.
I wonder if op will still be skipping around full of the joys of spring when it's her turn!!

😂love it

I'm sure the OP is a troll though just to see how many menopausal women will bite.

That's exactly what I thought too.

Just a pity that it's always around some women-hating, ageist, cool girl bullshit.

Hi OP!

When I was 47, like you, I had a huge surge of energy in all areas of life. I honestly think the sex-drive thing at that age is our uterus 's "going out of business" sale.

Then menopause hit me like a train at 50. Weightlifting and HRT got me through it.

On the one hand I appreciate that people talk openly about it now. That's a big help.

On the other hand, I agree some people get carried away with the moaning about how old they are.

I hate looking older. It doesn't give me hang ups , but it is scary when you look and think oh no , how did that happen ?
Men seem to mature with age too :(
It's all pretty unfair really , but I also don't have periods now , so there are upsides.

This just on its own illustrates the OPs point though. Perhaps @Fedupbuyer has really solid reasons for being terrified, but this is the other side of the good stuff (being aware, getting better treatment, having better conversations with professionals, being the good). The collective "we" and the negativity, means that somebody is terrified. OP, I think you have to see this as balancing out many years it not being talked about, but I think that being terrified of something that will not affect people in the same way and may not be awful for everybody, is undoubtedly the negative side of talking about it more.

It's interesting that you decided to join Mumsnet to talk about this. An issue that has been taboo, and caused mental and physical distress and discomfort for so many women, curtailing careers and impacting relationships. But hey! Don't be a Debbie Downer!!

Hairdresser here ! I’ve been peri menopausal for the last 2 years ! And my clients actually really appreciate when I chat about my symptoms (nearly 46) because there a tad older their generation it’s been very much not talked about and for a client to open up and feel in a similar position can be a welcome relief ( when it’s brushed under the carpet and very taboo ) it can be a very lonely place indeed )
I think it’s great that as woman we can share about how we are feeling it’s natural process of ageing and it should not be a taboo topic !
And I do realise Op you have no clue because you have no symptoms but hopefully when you do you will have a friend to moan with xx

I went out with a group of friends recently and having all turned 50 during the lockdown we were making up for lost time and having a good catch up. The conversation did turn to menopause symptoms as we were all having them.

We are all still able to be "young" and go to gigs and nights out. We all still have good energy ( I run 5, 6 or 7k twice a week and go the gym in between , another is into competitive sailing and another just completed the three peaks challenge)

We just also happen to be massively bothered by hot flushes , night sweats and higher anxiety levels. One of on HRT and was raving about how it has changed her life after feeling quite depressed for a year. It's good to share this stuff with friends and support each other through it.

Yep.

Ageing is 'unfair'. Lmao. Perhaps you should take it up with God, see if she'll do something about it.

I'm 46 and in the last 12 months it has hit me like a thunder bolt, physically and emotionally!
Up until that point I felt as vibrant as you sound. You are not being unreasonable to make the most of it. I was so unprepared for this.

Meh, goady fucker is goady, sitting back watching us have a good froth. Begone with your ordinary oestrogen levels.

I was being lighthearted about being ' unfair ' !!
Jez, you can't say any thing any more !
Of course we all age !!

Its brilliant everyone is talking about it,, good for you that you are ok?

This has to be a wind up. Nobody can possibly be so cringe. 'Living my best life' WTAF.

I used to eye roll when I saw women fanning themselves with newspapers, pieces of paper etc and thought they were being dramatic about hot flushes.

i never intended to go on HRT myself. Until I started with flush after flush, night sweats, aching joints, worsening pmt that caused intense fatigue and flu like symptoms. Then I realised how devastating peri and menopausal symptoms could really be. Within a few days of starting HRT the sweats, non stop flushes that made me feel like I was on fire day and night, along with the aching joints etc, disappeared. Never underestimate just how utterly miserable menopause can be. It’s probably a matter of luck and genetics that mean some women go through hell and some go through it with hardly any disruption to their lives.

many medics minimise the impact it has, under or mistreat it. Anyone who highlights the issues involved and campaigns for better care for women whose quality of life is affected by menopause symptoms, is doing a good thing.

ZenKaleidoscope · 04/05/2022 12:31
Have you had your empathy levels checked though?

😂😂😂

Nobody is positive about menopause as THERE IS NOTHING POSITIVE ABOUT IT which is why people are seeking help and to alleviate symptoms

In general do you expect people to only discuss topics that apply to you? I'm afraid I don't think there is such a thing as a fun empowering menopause...

My peri symptoms so far - phases of insomnia, having to sleep naked with a window open in winter and still waking up drenched in sweat, mood swings, things I can't tolerate eating or drinking anymore, and a very erratic menstrual cycle after decades of being regular. (You name it - cramps but no blood, blood but no cramps, bleeding for one hour then done for the month, bleeding so heavily for three weeks I had to get medication to stop it, no period for 3 months, followed by two periods with a week between.)

It's a health issue that makes itself known. It's nice to be able to speak to other women who are going through it.

Your post baffles me. " I'm not menopausal, so my friends who are aren't allowed to discuss it"
YABVU.

That might be true for many or most but honestly after 40 years of blinding migraines every single month it was definitely a positive for me. It isn't exaggerating to say it was life changing for me. Three or 4 days of blinding headache and vomiting every month was the thing that wasn't positive for me. I have no regrets about the end of monthly migraines.