Why are all my friends talking about the menopause??

[MrsJasonSudeikis]

Ok - I truly hope I don't offend anyone with this thread and I am fully aware that many women suffer with symptoms of the menopause. I know this is probably my own stuff/issues but where better to share/rant than than on AIBU??

I am 47 and a mother of 3 kids (14 and twins aged 11). I feel much more energetic now that my kids are older. I enjoy my job (meaningful) and have recently started back playing tennis and going to gigs/comedy gigs when we can with my husband. We have a really happy marriage (of course not perfect) and a great sex life! I would say we are having better sex than ever and I feel really at peace with my body and looks (although I looked great in my 20s but I never 'felt' it!) Life is pretty good and I don't wish to come across as the 'i'm alright jack' kind of person but almost everyone in my circle (some friends - not all have gone to the dark side!), work colleagues constantly talk about ageing, and being an older woman and the menopause in a really negative way and it it driving me crazy!! Life book the nursing home already!!?

They speak in the collective 'we' and this is not my experience at all! My energy (and I have to say sex drive) is much higher than it was!! I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet. My mother and sisters were the same (mid 50s more like). I totally understand that it is good to speak honestly about menopause and ageing but where are the positive role models and stories?? I know we have Emily in Paris (lol!) etc but I am really feeling so triggered and a bit angry about it that I honestly feel like I will start to not have anything in common with my cohort/circles!

Am I in complete denial? Is it ok to name this? After 2 years of a pandemic, I want to surround myself with people of energy and youth and I know this sounds awful selfish!! I can be anxious at times (did during pandemic) but I am making a conscious decision to live my best life! The menopause also seems to be a reason and almost a personality trait for some women and the cause of all their woes which also annoys me!! I always found the lack of exercise and the tanking a bottle of wine a night (in past) was what was that caused anxiety for me much more. Not hormones.

End of rant and just saying - I am much more sympathetic IRL but I need to get this off my chest and wonder does anyone else out there feel like me??

@UserNow I hope to god your poor friend has some real friends surrounding her because you sound like a total bit#h! Of COURSE she's talking about losing her husband, it will be consuming her every waking thought! Perhaps try and think how you'd feel if your gorgeously healthy husband died and get some empathy or leave her alone, she doesn't need "friends" like you!

I had a really shitty menopause from around 44 to 53 or so. Woke up 4 or 5 times a night in deep sweat, maximum 2 hours sleep in a row. Had to beg my GP for HRT which helped for a couple of years. I was still fun and joyful but it was hard and I didn't fully realise or accept the impact it was having on brain fog and feeling depressed. I wish I'd realised this more. I have three sisters and our symptoms were hugely different - one had a horrible time like me the other two just noticed one day that their periods had stopped around 54 or 55.

I had a personal trainer who went on about how you could just tackle menopause through the right attitude, healthy eating, supplements and exercise. She hadn't yet experienced it so was speaking out of her arse. I sacked her.

I had a couple of friends who laughed at my expense re my menopause and I tried to remind myself to remember it and not extend any sympathy when they too went through it and had a miserable time (which they did - but the fog meant I forgot to ignore their suffering).

By the way I'm 58 and still wear trainers, go to the cinema and live gigs, travel independently and have fun. I am 58 stone though and my face is like a big round brie with pink patches.

it's like periods

some will have drops in panty liners, some will flood and be in severe pain

it's like giving birth

some people will breeze through, other people will end up in emergency surgery in near death experiences

menopause is no different. We are all different. Some will breeze through, others will suffer terribly. You can't know who you will be.

I started perimenopause symptoms at about 48, but because at that stage there was no change to my periods and I didn’t initially have hot flushes, I had no idea that was what it was. Because I had no idea that menopause meant anything other than periods stop and hot flushes. The insomnia and anxiety confused me mightily.

So I think it’s good it’s being spoken about more openly, so women have more idea of what to expect. Including the fact that there is a massive variation in how women experience menopause. For some it’s really difficult, others breeze through it. And most are somewhere in between.

PS - Last period at 52, I’m 58 now, never been on HRT and apart from the occasional hot flush, I’m fine.

My mum had no menopausal symptoms. Her periods just started having longer gaps between them, then she had a last period at 48. Then it was done. Around year or so later, she started to have a very slight loss of cognitive function. Nothing huge, just starting to find maths harder, becoming a little more forgetful, finding it harder to keep complicated tasks straight in her head. She also started feeling more tired, experiencing some pain moving though overall she was still very active. Bit by bit it got worse. A large general assumption that it was a post menopause type of thing.

It wasn't. It took years but she was eventually diagnosed with pernicious anaemia a terminal illness if untreated. In the time before it was treated it caused spinal stenosis, which will cause her pain for the rest of her life and badly affected her bone density mean she has osteoporosis now. Middle aged women with symptoms of numerous illnesses are assumed to be having difficulty due to menopause. Some are, many aren't. And those who aren't have their actual illnesses missed because we are so busy 'talking about menopause.' So you are not unreasonable. Yes we should all be more aware of menopause but what we are doing now is normalising actual symptoms of illness and overall, hurting women more than if we all kept quiet about it.

The same is true for menstruating women. Any time my PMS was more then baseline shitty cramps and some constipation, something was wrong with me. But I spent years accepting the symptoms of illness (ovarian endometriosis) as PMS because society had me conditioned to expect it to be much worse than it is. It like a fucking evil trick, pretend we care so much for women and all they go through, by normalising the signs of their illnesses and ensuring they go untreated.

“Feeble and in need of medicating” A) Do you think that women who choose to take HRT give a flying fuck about how others view them for this choice? B) LMAO at your choice of words

It should be talked about more.

😂

But.. I bet when it does start happening to you you'll want to talk about it...? If you have any of your old ('scuse pun) friends left that is.

C'mon ladies,apparently it's all the mind with some collective hysteria thrown in. Plus it's boring for others who aren't experiencing it to have to listen .

That's us told

At 47 a lot of your OP fits me, well I had a new relationship, heightened sex drive, lots of energy, went to Paris and other places, and felt very young. Then at the age of 52, I started getting hot flushes, weight gain, depression, and also have developed a rash all over my back and arms, courtesy of the menopause. My DM had HRT when she went through the menopause, she got her youth and energy back but sadly also developed Ovarian Cancer which may have been caused by being on it for over 20 years. Anyway at the end of the day, you havent hit it yet, and you may indeed be lucky but like other areas of life where we share with our friends and peers to help work through things, this is just another way of supporting each other and being there.

I hope you dont get any symptoms but to think others are exaggerating or becoming old before their time, be careful as it will get you eventually.

Okay let's see.

1. The OP has turned to a forum for mothers who want to vent about their experiences, only to moan about why so many woman are venting about their experiences.
2. They've gone for a controversial story about how wonderful their life is and how happy, healthy and fulfilled they feel compared with everyone else around them.
3. They've put time into turning this story into a very long first post that's been up for a couple of hours, yet not responded to anyone once.

What time is the article out?

I get it…
My friends and colleagues do the same, but it isn’t surprising.

• 15 years ago the whole chat was just babies, birth horror stories and bugaboos


• Then it moved onto buying houses and renovations. The renovations was the real killer, especially new kitchens as well as “where to live”


• Next came school obsession - first primary schools, then 11 plus etc - that also went on for ages - we are moving into uni obsession now and which courses and the kids’ boyfriends/girlfriends

Then, as kids grew older and all kids had started school, the chat was all about useless husbands and I witnessed a few divorces, but most got over their problems and are having a good enough time now. Some are also having the “best sex ever” scenario.
We have just started the chat about menopause - I am quite enjoying it for now. Hope it doesn’t last as long as the school and kitchen chat though!

So I think it is a life phase chat and there will be bores at every stage. However, it is great that there is more awareness of women’s health issues. That is really important! Women’s bodies have been neglected and I fully intend to participate in the menopause discussion and support my friends. Some have had serious anxiety issues because of it.
I am also so grateful that my daughters are growing up in an age where there is an actual discussion about what consent means and I am pleased my boys have to really think about what it means. Equally, I am pleased we live in an age where there is some help for women going through menopause and the more we understand it and demand medical understanding & attention for it, the better.

@UserNow I humbly apologise, I missed your sarcasm 😬

She’s not very humble though.

I’m glad women are talking about it. Wish that had been the case when I started having palpitations and thought I was having a heart attack and stroke. Or when I couldn’t remember the name of a colleague and thought I was getting dementia. When I could barely think straight because insomnia left me like a walking zombie.

go find some 20 year olds to hang out with …🤷‍♀️

Hmm. Screenshot this and read it back when you get your menopause. I think you'll be really embarrassed. I'd chuck you a biscuit if I knew how.

It's a bit like me getting annoyed with my mate who had cancer tbh , expecting her to have a more positive attitude although I have never had cancer myself and have no fucking idea what she's going through. I'm walking away from this thread because your attitude has really riled me!

The worst thing about all of it is trying to make my husband understand how much it changes you , how anxious it makes you feel , how the lack of hormones can make you feel so different and how debilitating it can be too
He hasn't much idea and been quick to brush off most of anxieties : maybe more people talking about it might make some men realize how bad it makes you feel at times and it's not just a hot flush or feeling a bit down sometimes

Some women do sail through it all , you may be lucky op , but many of your friends may not.

Some women sail through menopause. Some really don’t. The talking is a positive in my eyes, it’s 2022 we should be. We should be seeking healthcare if menopause/peri has a negative influence on our lifestyles. Many generations probably suffered in silence because we all go through it. But why should we? Further research shows us what can be done.

You are very unsympathetic towards those you call your friends. Let’s hope the menopause doesn’t come and bite you in the arse. In the meantime find new friends who don’t want to share their goings on with a sympathetic friend.

Some people sail through with practically no symptoms at all. For others, symptoms vary hugely all the way up to hell on Earth.

Lucky for some. Not so much for others, and not helped by the fact that GPs have so little training in the subject, and you're basically told tough shit, one of those things.

Well done . One post .

Guess you have a tennis game, yoga class , marathon ( sex session ) to distract you .

I’m always baffled by those who say they ‘sailed’ through it.., then mention the weight gain, the dryness, the broken nights. These are symptoms!

also we don’t yet know how we will be with osteo and heart health in our 60s plus. All
ages need to know more about this. The lack of awareness is frankly disturbing

I'm with you OP. Life is pretty fantastic. We are in no uncertain terms, absolutely minted. No financial issues, no mortgage in fact no debts at all. Everyone keeps banging on about cost of living and rising utility and fuel bills and quite frankly it's such a downer. I just wish they could be joyful and come out to expensive restaurants and shopping trips with me. It's actually triggering me and I'm a bit angry. Sigh...

If you are finding you can't relate to your current circle of friends for whatever reason, then perhaps you need to expand and find new people to surround yourself with. Don't blame it on them, it's not their fault.