Why are all my friends talking about the menopause??

[MrsJasonSudeikis]

Ok - I truly hope I don't offend anyone with this thread and I am fully aware that many women suffer with symptoms of the menopause. I know this is probably my own stuff/issues but where better to share/rant than than on AIBU??

I am 47 and a mother of 3 kids (14 and twins aged 11). I feel much more energetic now that my kids are older. I enjoy my job (meaningful) and have recently started back playing tennis and going to gigs/comedy gigs when we can with my husband. We have a really happy marriage (of course not perfect) and a great sex life! I would say we are having better sex than ever and I feel really at peace with my body and looks (although I looked great in my 20s but I never 'felt' it!) Life is pretty good and I don't wish to come across as the 'i'm alright jack' kind of person but almost everyone in my circle (some friends - not all have gone to the dark side!), work colleagues constantly talk about ageing, and being an older woman and the menopause in a really negative way and it it driving me crazy!! Life book the nursing home already!!?

They speak in the collective 'we' and this is not my experience at all! My energy (and I have to say sex drive) is much higher than it was!! I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet. My mother and sisters were the same (mid 50s more like). I totally understand that it is good to speak honestly about menopause and ageing but where are the positive role models and stories?? I know we have Emily in Paris (lol!) etc but I am really feeling so triggered and a bit angry about it that I honestly feel like I will start to not have anything in common with my cohort/circles!

Am I in complete denial? Is it ok to name this? After 2 years of a pandemic, I want to surround myself with people of energy and youth and I know this sounds awful selfish!! I can be anxious at times (did during pandemic) but I am making a conscious decision to live my best life! The menopause also seems to be a reason and almost a personality trait for some women and the cause of all their woes which also annoys me!! I always found the lack of exercise and the tanking a bottle of wine a night (in past) was what was that caused anxiety for me much more. Not hormones.

End of rant and just saying - I am much more sympathetic IRL but I need to get this off my chest and wonder does anyone else out there feel like me??

😂You poor naïve fool.

I was fine at 47 too! My 50th was great. .....53 not so much.

You have no idea what type, how early/late, how long menopause you will have, but regardless of this you are being pretty unsupportive of what your friends are going through. I get it is not fun to listen to, but the boot could have very easily been on the other foot and you could have been going through this before them.

@Foolsrule The two conditions are not mutually exclusive, you know? And one may be causing/exacerbating the drinking.

Hi I'm 57, started on evoril conte 50/170 7 months ago, had a very heavy bleed recently and my GP referred me to gynecologist, who did ultrasound and is following up with a Hysteroscopy and possibly biopsy, but has suggested that she can insert mirena coil, while performing these procedures, and if all well l can go back on my HRT, patches, as the coil will protect the womb , l would like to know if anyone has gone this route or is there alternative to coil. Thanks.

I was about to say this too tbh. I was having loads of sex, feeling good and generally not too concerned about meno a year ago.

Fast forward a few months and the hot sweats started, I got depressive and my vagina and clitoris started to shrivel up - seemingly overnight. Sex became painful and things got itchy and uncomfortable all over without much warning, My relationship ended, partly due to the strain of being peri. Life looks pretty different a year on tbh.

Enjoy it while you can OP and hope that your friends still have some empathy left for you in a year - or 10 - when you turn to them for support after rubbing your glorious life in their faces while they struggle. 🙄

Slow clap .....

Well done for you for living your best life while the rest of us try to do the same ... with HRT and morale boosting while we do it.

FFS

YABU. You’re not menopausal yet so you can’t possibly know how it will affect you. It’s not just ‘having an old outlook’, it’s actually physical symptoms, and not just the commonly known ones like hot flushes. It can come on really quite suddenly as hormone levels plunge over a cliff.

My friend (nurse) was talking about it the other day because I’d asked her about vaginal atrophy after reading a rather terrifying article. Until I’d read that, I had no idea it happened and wasn’t uncommon. That’s just one example of many.

So perhaps have some empathy for the women who actually are menopausal and suffering. I don’t expect they tell you all the details, but the very fact they’re talking about it is proof it’s having a big effect on them. I’m sure many of them had amazing sex lives and lots of energy too before Mother Nature dumped this crap on them.

At 47 you might feel pretty good for a while yet but at 53 it all went tits up for me and a few friends too.

Not everyone breezes through menopause so I'd just make the best of how you feel now, you may be one of the millions of women who really do suffer when it hits you.

Brilliant 😂

Well you might do what my friend did; sail through the menopause without a symptom. Before the menopause I wasn’t interested either. Then somewhere around the age of 49 something changed; I got more anxious, I felt rage that I couldn’t control, my moods were all over the place. I couldn’t remember simple things. I developed debilitating headaches. I couldn’t sleep. I became suicidal. Then eventually I went on HRT and within a week I felt like I could cope again. It’s not a magic bullet necessarily but I can’t help thinking it saved my life tbh (so it’s a worry that I’m running out with no sign of new supplies 😥 ).

I wouldn’t wish any of that (and any of the other physical symptoms) on anyone, not even someone who uses words and phrases like “triggered” and “living my best life”, but until you have experienced your own version of the menopause it’s best you limit the smugness and develop some empathy for those that have a different experience to you, or an experience you’ve yet to have.

The menopause does tend to affect your memory OP.

Have you ever noticed yourself starting a thread and then forgetting to come back to it?

How easy it is these days for lazy journos' to get 'research'.

Shameful way though.

Let's hope they are as sympathetic to you when it hits you like an express train as you are to them.

😂😂😂

You come across as a complete tit, OP

Really?
If affects most women at some point. And we are 51% of the population. And the support and provision is poor, women begging for it being denied by GP's and put on AD's instead. thus Davina McCall programme and Dr Louise Newson. Maybe you should educate yourself.

I feel fine thanks. I didn't have any anxiety in lockdown, so I'm one up on you, if that's the game we are playing - the one-upmanship game being played?

I adore my friends and they come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, but I don't have the scorn you do.

I've spent more time planning wine and curry evenings and long weekends abroad to European cities, with my nice friends, so I don't feel the need to surround myself with anyone with any more energy.

@KirstenBlest : "Not sure if all the talk really helps women."

Do you not know how under-provided woman's health is?

Brilliant!

You deserve how you're having your arse handed to you over this, OP. Of course you can't relate if you're not going through it, but posting such a mealy mouthed statement about your friends' physical and mental suffering is really low. Oh, I was fine at 47 too and then it hit me like a truck at 49, so good luck with that.

But you are not going through menopause so of course you don't get it. Wait a few years and you'll see what all the fuss is about. If you had a friend confiding in you about issues to do with fertility - do you also think how boring since you don't have the same issues?

Ahh the "lesser spotted goady bitchplopper and run " op
havent seen one in the wild for at least five minutes

It's ok to not be able to relate about menopause...you're not there yet !
But if they are then it can be really really tough ....you can still be sympathetic.

Bet this gets deleted. And poof the OP was gone.

Anyone who says they try to "live their best life" really needs a good slap.

😂😂😂

Wow, I'm not sure what to say here but I suppose it's a bit like someone who hasn't had a baby saying having a baby can't be that hard... or my lovely children won't turn into tricky teens....why don't you just wait and see before you judge.

Great that your life is going good but have a bit of understanding for your friends who are going through hell in the menopause and your day will come and hope you friends are understanding to you as it is a shock to feel so shockingly bad in peri menopause and nothing prepares you for it.