Why are all my friends talking about the menopause??

[MrsJasonSudeikis]

Ok - I truly hope I don't offend anyone with this thread and I am fully aware that many women suffer with symptoms of the menopause. I know this is probably my own stuff/issues but where better to share/rant than than on AIBU??

I am 47 and a mother of 3 kids (14 and twins aged 11). I feel much more energetic now that my kids are older. I enjoy my job (meaningful) and have recently started back playing tennis and going to gigs/comedy gigs when we can with my husband. We have a really happy marriage (of course not perfect) and a great sex life! I would say we are having better sex than ever and I feel really at peace with my body and looks (although I looked great in my 20s but I never 'felt' it!) Life is pretty good and I don't wish to come across as the 'i'm alright jack' kind of person but almost everyone in my circle (some friends - not all have gone to the dark side!), work colleagues constantly talk about ageing, and being an older woman and the menopause in a really negative way and it it driving me crazy!! Life book the nursing home already!!?

They speak in the collective 'we' and this is not my experience at all! My energy (and I have to say sex drive) is much higher than it was!! I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet. My mother and sisters were the same (mid 50s more like). I totally understand that it is good to speak honestly about menopause and ageing but where are the positive role models and stories?? I know we have Emily in Paris (lol!) etc but I am really feeling so triggered and a bit angry about it that I honestly feel like I will start to not have anything in common with my cohort/circles!

Am I in complete denial? Is it ok to name this? After 2 years of a pandemic, I want to surround myself with people of energy and youth and I know this sounds awful selfish!! I can be anxious at times (did during pandemic) but I am making a conscious decision to live my best life! The menopause also seems to be a reason and almost a personality trait for some women and the cause of all their woes which also annoys me!! I always found the lack of exercise and the tanking a bottle of wine a night (in past) was what was that caused anxiety for me much more. Not hormones.

End of rant and just saying - I am much more sympathetic IRL but I need to get this off my chest and wonder does anyone else out there feel like me??

Are you kidding? It's taken this bloody long to get people to talk about it and you're now asking if it actually helps? Fucksake.

Hope you don't mind me saying this. It might be worth having your thyroid checked. I have hypothyroidism, had it along time, doctor kept telling me I was depressed. If I'd been the age for menopause I'd have probably been told it was that. If it could be that it would be good to find out, within days of having levothyroxine it was like a miracle and I felt so much better.

It could even be a bit of both.

In my case it was a nurse practitioner who realised what it was and doctor was very blase about getting it wrong.

Oh, OP's gone. Another shit stirrer to add to the list.

I'm not sure if it's been mentioned her but post hysterectomy and on HRT I am having great sex - better than before in fact. Your sex life doesn't end if you are on HRT.

I'm 29 and presumably quite far off the menopause but I think it's important to know what other women are going through, my mum always said that menopause was rarely talked about when she was younger and some of the symptoms took her by surprise and I think it's okay to talk about it, build awareness etc. If you aren't going through it then you can't really claim you're doing great, wait until you are in menopause and you might have symptoms and want to complain yourself.

Good for you, but I would suggest you aren’t in the menopause at all yet. So have a little sympathy for your friends who are finding it tricky or experiencing symptoms- you may appreciate their support in a few years.

Ahhhh this made me smile. You with your built in self cooling fan, moist vagina, high sex drive, great nights sleep, normal mood, clarity of mind......

Ha ha ha ha Just you wait, it's comin for ya and see how sympathetic you are then when your face is on fire and you feel like you are going crazy! You have NO clue what's ahead so enjoy these smug days when you can ;)

Ha ha still laughing.

@MrsJasonSudeikis I think your post is totally valid - I don't think you're in any way minimising the awful time some women have with the menopause as I wouldn't, but you're finding you've been slotted into an age group that you don't recognise. I find the same having turned 40 recently when I feel exactly the same as when as I was 30 and frankly look better now I have more time to take care of myself with DCs grown up. Just be you and maybe find a social circle or people to chat to at work based on your shared interests rather than your rough age group - I hate being put in a box with people deciding what I should be interested in or feel like at my age. Just be empathetic when these ladies are sharing but maybe don't get drawn in as it sounds like you're very high vibe so keep it that way rather than peering into a gloomy future that probably isn't yours.

Perimenopause here. Interrupted periods, depression, mood swings, fatigue. I'm 51. Had the hot sweats in my late 40s. Nothing then until I turned 50. I'm glad the menopause is getting so much recognition.

What on earth is ‘very high vibe’?!

MLM bollocks.

I also know of one woman (my boss) who blames every work mistake she makes on the menopause.

I really dislike it when women do this, or when they blame their hormones for evrything that is wrong in thir life. It just reinforces the stereotypical image that all women are ruled by their hormones. It really does women a disservice.

I am 47 too and not having any menopausal symptoms at the moment and also feel full of energy and fine. I have had issues with my thyroid before so know what it is like to struggle with hormones but I have managed to control it with medication for many years now. I feel the same in terms of energy and also my friends talking about it BUT I am aware that it might bite us on the arse one day/year soon and we will be going through it too. Having had to cope with the energy lows, weight gain and other problems when my thyroid was uncontrolled I can imagine it is helpful for them to have someone to talk to about it. I hope I will continue to be energetic as.I enter my 50s and beyond and not be too affected by the menopause but we never know until we are going through it ourselves!

Jeepers! 316 messages. (I was working all day, school collection and local residents association meeting. My little nephew was getting his appendix out so was taken up with this! Therefore I literally did not read messages until now.

quite the lashing I got! 😱😂

I want to say that I am really grateful for everyone who responded. I think talking about things (despite what I said earlier) is really important and I genuinely feel a bit more educated. It totally made for uncomfortable reading and I can exactly appreciate why I pissed people off (as I came across as not understanding, lack of experiencing things, etc) but that was not my intention.

My point was that EVERY stage for woman is different - pregnancy, fertility, birth, breastfeeding, PMT, menopause. And yes there are similar things and sharing the universality it also important. My objection I suppose is being lumped in to a cohort or category that I don’t yet feel I am part of. the group assumed I had same experience and didn’t bother to enquire.
(I still remember the women in ward beside me when my first born was a few hours old telling me how awful breastfeeding was etc and not to do it! Jaysis. Her experience. Not mine. Is that not ok to say?

I must clarify it is mostly work colleagues I am talking about in my original thread as my closer friends I can be more honest with.

I posted that thread in a very unbridled way and it def does come across as smug. But of course I try and listen and overtly I am empathetic. (I would never say to them what I think/write on thread!) Genuinely I feel I will be more so after hearing everyone’s post/story.

@Blue4YOU I am truly sorry for your loss. I can not imagine what you are going through. 💔

I hope women can feel supported in general. I feel I could listen more myself. I think I can assume from my experience like everyone else too

I feel @Sisisimone and @katepilar expressed in better terms what I was driving at.

I think in true dialogue - being honest, being uncomfortable and sharing is a good thing.
I have learned a lot during this post and thanks.

I am completely miffed at suggestion that I am a journalist wtf!! I haven’t posted on Mumsnet in ages (used to when kids were younger. I didn’t always have it easy when kids were younger, but that’s another story)

my own mother and sisters are good models for me around all areas of ageing, menopause and middle age. I do think a lot of personal fear perhaps, denial etc and that is my stuff. I think speaking about the positives of menopause is important for anyone who is afraid too.

i’ll stop now as getting philosophical lol!

and my other half is waiting upstairs for me! He was playing boardgames with the kids and I want to hear all about that!

take care everyone. Xx

Owen Jones, is that you?

😂😂😂😱😱😱

I would say to read up about perimenopause soon though - that way if you do start to get symptoms than you can deal with them and get support sooner. Until it's happening to you, you won't know how it will affect you, same as it was with birth, it will be your own unique experience.

Are you a man op??

You have to be joking….

No! What makes you say this ??

You certainly have a unique posting style OP! I would say though - just enjoy the situation you're in and take each day as it comes - don't get so wound up (triggered?!!) about something that you're adamant isn't affecting you! What's the point? Perhaps you're protesting too much.
And as others say - just be aware you're reaching the age where stuff can start.
I never had any issues at all - no PMT, no PND, nada. Turned 46 and almost overnight, boom, crippling anxiety. Took me almost a year for a doc to tell me if was oestrogen deficiency. It was.

I'm 47. Been through it all done. Worst 5 years of my life. Now I have energy. At some point your friends will be over it and happy and you'll be going through it. Come back and post then and update lol xxxxx

"I always found the lack of exercise and the tanking a bottle of wine a night (in past) was what was that caused anxiety for me much more. Not hormones."

Yeah - that wasn't the menopause though, was it? It's akin to telling someone with long Covid that you always found Strepsils helped when you got a sore throat.

Menopause doesn't affect all women in the same way but it has significant, mostly permanent effects on every woman's body. You've no idea how hard it is for a lot of women - nor how hard it might turn out to be for you.

Here's my experience, which I know isn't anywhere near as bad as many women's:

Aged 52, periods stopped suddenly, never returned. I realised that the anxiety and mood swings that hard begun about 10 years previously were, in fact, perimenopause. They have not gone away and I'm approaching 64.

Hot flushes - many times a day for 9 years; in the past 2, they've reduced but still happen.

Skin: horribly dry, nasty patches all over my body and no amount of moisturiser does anything. Wrinkles all of a sudden. Vaginal atrophy - I cannot begin to tell you how awful it is.

Brain fog: I've gone from someone whose key attribute was being a very articulate, clever speaker (it was part of my job) to someone who grasps for the simplest words.

OP: don't be so smug about something you have yet to experience.

Just you wait for what's in store....

You may sail through it but if you have daughters they may not. Let's hope you don't lack the empathy which you are having now when they are going through it. You don't come across as a very nice person.

Are you sure you aren't going through the menopause, you sound like my old Nan, telling everyone else to shut up please 'cos 'I'm ok Jack!' lol
You sound worse than anyone trying to talk out their menopause symptoms to me! lol