To just be humiliated

[Amazonalexa]

I am 34/F
never married and no kids

all I do is work and come home alone - sit and read alone. Weekends alone. So called friends who I supported throughout their own single days, pregnancies and post partum now see me as an immature embarressment at the singles table. The support has not been extended to me, now they are settled with their husbands and children. I was happy for them I can assure you, but their support did not extent to me living alone during the pandemic. I was forgotten about.

I try to date but never seem to meet anyone for me. I do get male attention - I am told I am attractive.

my friend said last year
’its such ashame for you, you are desperate to meet somone and settle down - everyone else seems to manage it but you just cant what ashame haha’

those words have stuck with me.

anyway I have my job and thats it really. I try to do my hobbies but lately just not enjoying them as much.

AIBU to think this is it for me and all I can expect from life? If this is it It seems to be fairly misreable, navigating the suspicious eyes that because I am seen as having alot going for me, and ‘still single’ - its even worse. Navigating even worse the way men behave - I read some of the post here with dread thinking life is really not going to get better.

any support wise words or happy endings appreciated

I do agree
you have no idea what is happening behind closed doors and it is a good persepctive change to be reminded of this 🌹

I have a friend who went through seperation and divorce who found she was suddenly unwelcome in houses she'd been welcome at before because she was viewed by the female as a threat.
She was as welcome as always to me but I don't feel I need to watch my dh (or her) and valued her friendship, we supported each other through alsorts. Really that's how it should be. Just knowing there's a friend in your corner is good to have even if you don't actually need any support as such.
I have no time for people who can't give and take good friendship. Always keep those that do.
I think it's a shame these people have caused you low feelings and hope you can shake it off (sounds like your well on the way to doing that).
If you are making the best choices from the options available, with your values and priorities at their heart you'll live the right life, sounds like you're achieving that more closely than the friends diving into marriage because of a belief that not too be married by X age is a failure. I don't believe that and none of the happiest people I know do.

This is such a lovely post - thank you.

i am starting to believe she was seeing me as a threat. Her comments were getting worse the closer to her wedding she was getting and she did not want me to meet her fiances mum
and dad under any circumstances.

Enjoy your holiday OP!!!! And who knows where it may lead.....

Well,she’s moved on now op and you are no longer friends or even in touch. Maybe it’s time to put the friendship and her words behind you and try to stop thinking on it, she’s married or about to be and living a very different life now, and neither of you are in the others life, so no good can come from spending further time ruminating in it, you can be assured she’s not giving you a second thought. It doesn’t matter any more who was jealous of who, it’s done and there comes a time it’s healthier to focus on the good things in your life.

when people move into serious relationships, have kids, they do tend to have other priorities and are not quite as available as they were when single, where single friends were often a life line to a social life. Poor treatment is never acceptable, but friendships do often drift apart when people move to different life stages, sometimes it’s the way of it sadly. I mean this in relation to your other friends who have drifted.

I think focusing on not just coming home every night and sitting there, but ensuring you stay busy, doing things you enjoy or new things, often helps as well. If you think possibly there is a touch of depression then cbt or your gp can help you through it.

Many people have happy fullfilling lives as a single. With wide friendship groups, lots of activities, invovled with friends kids as and when they please, or not, and being in a settled relationship is no indicator of future happiness.

To be happy one needs to be happy in yourself first off. Put this woman behind you as she has you and focus on your own happiness now.💐

You are so right and yes - she probably has not given it a second thought.

time to move on.

I cannot thank all the posters enough tonight - I feel like I have had some good reality checks and also need to take some responsibility - instead of moping around at home alone having a pity party like last night and this morning keep as active as I can.

i have bookmarked a couple of posts to act as a reference. Xxxx

Your ‘friend’ should feel humiliated making snide comments like that. She’s obviously very insecure and a shit friend to boot.

My mum always says that you can get a man anytime but sensible women wait to find one that’s actually worth having. She’s been happily single for 30 years because she hasn’t found anyone worth her time (her words) and she has a great life. She’s always out or on holiday (it slowed a bit over the pandemic but now she’s full speed ahead again). My siblings and I joke that we have to book to see her as she’s so busy but it’s pretty inspiring to see a woman in her 70’s living her best life.

Op you’re so young and you have so much going for you. You’re free to live for yourself. If you do have children at some point you’ll never get that back so make the most of it! Don’t let this horrible, spiteful person upset you.

your mum sounds like an inspiration 🌹🌹🌹🌹

You need to get yourself 1. new friends and 2. a new mindset.
I’m single by choice and happy at 37, I find your friends’ attitudes narrow and rather pathetic really.

But you know what - you can’t control what other people think. You can only live your life for yourself. And if you want a partner, you will find him sooner or later. Have faith, and ditch that friend!

Hi op. Finding someone is a combo of stuff imo - sheer luck (often bad luck), tolerance (willingness to massively compromise because you're desperate to settle down) and confidence.

Imo there are loads of people in shitty relationships trying to talk themselves into believing they are better off than single people.

Better to be alone than with someone shite. I have finally learned this lesson!

Enjoy your life and don't let anyone think you're a lesser person because you are not with a man.

‘Often bad luck’ 😂😂😂😂
i totally totally agree 😂😂😂😂

Often bad luck - oh yes!

I am in my 40's and looking around me there is no correlation between those coupled up and being happy!

I do see people living fulfilled lives who are either coupled up or single and the common denominator is they have sought out what works for them in full possession of self-understanding and self-acceptance and a willingness to roll with the punches or grab opportunities as life rolls along.

Yikes. She sounds horrible! Are you desperate to meet someone and settle down?

I'm very happily single and none of my friends ever mention it. You need new friends.

@Amazonalexa that ‘friend’ is no friend and is angrily majorly jealous of you. You are clearly smart as well, which means you have a smaller pool from which to find both friends and a partner, should you wish. I can see the responses have lifted you and got you back on track.

Zombie thread

I am 45 and I was in exactly the same situation. I was pretty miserable between 27-36 I would say.

I remember once someone at work asking what I'd done over the weekend and there was an embarrassing silence as I didn't know what to say. The truth was I had sat in my flat in my own.

I met my now husband at 36 and we have two kids (had when I was 41 and 43). Life is totally different now. It's not all rainbows and butterflies but nothing is.

There was an element of luck involved in this, of course, however I took proactive steps to meet someone. I made sure I was feeling confident in myself first and then absolutely blitzed the online dating!

34 is still young! Although I met my partner at 32 things were rough as I had a lot of mental health problems, I eventually had a breakdown at 33, nearly 34 and nearly lost my life.
I'm now 36.... I had my first child last year, I love my job, I'm happy..... life began for me at 34/35 and I've never been happier or more content 😘 your path in life is your path and yours to make the most of xxxx

And I would not go back to being younger..... I feel the happiest and healthiest I ever have as I get older ❤️

Have you tried gym classes like body pump, zumba, yoga etc? I've made a really good friend there and also when you're there at the same "spot" in the room and everyone else has their favourite "spots" you end up chatting and becoming friends going out for meals now and then