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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of group child parties where I'm expected to buy at three gifts etc??

241 replies

Snowwhite83 · 04/05/2022 06:10

Hi,
My 6 year old son really enjoys going to other children's parties which I realise are expensive for parents and I don't mind bringing gifts but it annoys me when its three or more kids together and I have ti buy multiple presents. I also don't like buying rubbish as a rule and I find its impossible to get a present under a tenner these days. Am I being unreasonable and should I stop grumblimg and fork out? Or say my child can't attend?

OP posts:
00100001 · 04/05/2022 20:30

MoHunter · 04/05/2022 11:06

YANBU I feel like this is quite a recent trend?? Went to one joint party for 3 children in DS class, all three had presents from the whole class so near enough 90 presents were piled onto three tables. It felt awfully grabby to me and like they were doing it on the cheap but still expecting mountains of presents for all three. (No word whatsoever on limiting presents.)
There were some big presents too, if I'd just showed up with a book for each child I would've looked cheap.
This may sound bad but yes I'd prefer if they did 3 separate parties because I'd feel like I'd then get "my money's worth" and would be happy to buy a gift for £10 for the birthday child. My children love parties!

...but they didn't have 3 presents each from each child... They have the same amount as they would if there were 3 separate parties...Confused

mackthepony · 04/05/2022 20:40

Yeah, we're going to one for three kids - brother and younger twins. So that's three gifts.

mackthepony · 04/05/2022 20:42

Went to one joint party for 3 children in DS class, all three had presents from the whole class so near enough 90 presents were piled onto three tables

^

But how else would you divide it up?? One third of a jigsaw puzzle??

ReadyToMoveIt · 04/05/2022 20:42

00100001 · 04/05/2022 20:30

...but they didn't have 3 presents each from each child... They have the same amount as they would if there were 3 separate parties...Confused

Show quote history

Exactly! If they’d had separate parties, they’d have got the same number of presents.
So what it boils down to is some posters don’t think they’re getting enough for their money. As though parties are a transaction, in which you pay for your place via a gift, and the partygoer pays for their gift through providing a party. Weird.

Marshmellow123 · 04/05/2022 20:47

I'm doing a party for my son this year which will be in a hall with bouncy castle etc. It isn't about the presents at all, I just wanted to do him a party with his friends and lots of party games.
Personally to say you can't attend because of the worry of buying presents? It really isn't about the presents, I'm sure even for your child if you was to do a party you would just want a day of celebrating their birthday and full of love? Just buy a card if that is what you are worried about, you don't need to spend anything to attend a party

Tainging99 · 04/05/2022 20:55

I understand the stress/cost of getting so many presents, especially at once...but it’s a negative way of viewing kids parties!

Noodledoodledoo · 04/05/2022 20:58

I held a joint party for 3 boys at nursery - all in the same class so knew most of the same children, additional guests they others didn't know where kept to a minumum.

We put on the invite to bring a single present and the boys would do a lucky dip at the end of the party to share them out. (Those that only knew one bought just for that one and labelled it accordingly) most parents seemed ok with that but who knows maybe I had a thread made about it!!!

Tania64 · 04/05/2022 21:14

I agree with you OP. In the 90s when my daughter was at nursery school she had a party in a McDonalds party room. I had to pay for each child individually. I invited all of her nursery class. There was a set of twins & two cousins in the class - one present was given to my daughter between them from the twins & cousins so 2 presents instead of 4. Yet when they had joint parties I had to buy individual presents for each child - so 4 presents for only 2 parties. I think this is really wrong and unfair.

ReadyToMoveIt · 04/05/2022 21:24

Tania64 · 04/05/2022 21:14

I agree with you OP. In the 90s when my daughter was at nursery school she had a party in a McDonalds party room. I had to pay for each child individually. I invited all of her nursery class. There was a set of twins & two cousins in the class - one present was given to my daughter between them from the twins & cousins so 2 presents instead of 4. Yet when they had joint parties I had to buy individual presents for each child - so 4 presents for only 2 parties. I think this is really wrong and unfair.

Such a significant life event, and so distressing, that you’re still moaning about it 30 years later.
In fact this is so pathetic that I’m not sure if you’re actually joking?

prescribingmum · 04/05/2022 21:47

Tania64 · 04/05/2022 21:14

I agree with you OP. In the 90s when my daughter was at nursery school she had a party in a McDonalds party room. I had to pay for each child individually. I invited all of her nursery class. There was a set of twins & two cousins in the class - one present was given to my daughter between them from the twins & cousins so 2 presents instead of 4. Yet when they had joint parties I had to buy individual presents for each child - so 4 presents for only 2 parties. I think this is really wrong and unfair.

If this still has such significance 30 years on, maybe just be grateful that life has been so uneventful for you. I genuinely can't believe people are so petty to still feel hard done by in their 50s and 60s for a child's party!

DD is in reception, class party was less than 6 months ago and I can't remember enough to tell you who did and didn't get her a present

00100001 · 04/05/2022 22:26

mackthepony · 04/05/2022 20:40

Yeah, we're going to one for three kids - brother and younger twins. So that's three gifts.

... so what?

It would still be three presents if the parties were separate...

mycatisannoying · 04/05/2022 22:44

Snowwhite83 · 04/05/2022 06:16

Hi RJnomore,

Tbh yes I would prefer separate or a max of two child parties so atleast my son gets to go to several different ones as he really enjoys them. Doesn't have to be a big fancy party either as I think these are overrated and must be expensive.

How inconsiderate these parents are, when your child enjoys attending multiple parties Hmm
YABU a bit tight and joyless.

LittlePennow · 04/05/2022 22:44

Bloody hell, whoever it was upthread, you don't go to parties to "get your money's worth." What IS this world view, FFS. Who cares if your DC love parties - throw some more of your own then?! The present is NOT the party entrance fee. Seriously. Give your head a wobble and don't be so bloody entitled.

MoHunter · 05/05/2022 00:05

00100001 · 04/05/2022 20:30

...but they didn't have 3 presents each from each child... They have the same amount as they would if there were 3 separate parties...Confused

Show quote history

And if they had 3 separate parties, I can guarantee that my DS would've only been invited to maybe 1 of them and not the others as the parents wouldn't have done a whole class party on their own due to costs. These aren't his close friends but because the whole class is invited of course DS wanted to go. To me it just seems quantity over quality and an odd trend - and yes they are getting way more presents at a fraction of the cost than they'd otherwise get. I guess I am cynical, ah well.😂

SleepingStandingUp · 05/05/2022 00:07

Snowwhite83 · 04/05/2022 06:16

Hi RJnomore,

Tbh yes I would prefer separate or a max of two child parties so atleast my son gets to go to several different ones as he really enjoys them. Doesn't have to be a big fancy party either as I think these are overrated and must be expensive.

So you resent three parents putting together to give their kid a party because your child wants more parties to go to?

MoHunter · 05/05/2022 00:09

LittlePennow · 04/05/2022 22:44

Bloody hell, whoever it was upthread, you don't go to parties to "get your money's worth." What IS this world view, FFS. Who cares if your DC love parties - throw some more of your own then?! The present is NOT the party entrance fee. Seriously. Give your head a wobble and don't be so bloody entitled.

Right, I'm sure you all show up to parties without a present... ??

SleepingStandingUp · 05/05/2022 00:13

Yet when they had joint parties I had to buy individual presents for each child - so 4 presents for only 2 parties. I think this is really wrong and unfair. jesus, you've really hung into that bitterness haven't you.
You don't invite people just so you get presents, the presents are a bonus so your child isn't entitled to four gifts because there's four people. Maybe they couldn't afford a present each
Maybe they assumed their presence mattered more.

I can only assume you're also bitter at the cost of the consequential therapy your child needed to be able to move past this terrible trauma and the pain it caused her having one present of Milly and Jilly instead of two

SleepingStandingUp · 05/05/2022 00:15

MoHunter · 05/05/2022 00:09

Right, I'm sure you all show up to parties without a present... ??

Show quote history

It still isn't the entrance fee. You might not go to a party without a present but that doesn't mean as the inviter that you should expect a present.

Next parents will be making little Johnny open his presents as the guests arrive to check it covers the cost of 60 minutes soft play and a burger meal.

Oh sorry Lauren, you're only allowed to paly for 30 minutes and no milkshake for you - that's two books from the Works 10 for £10 range!!

MoHunter · 05/05/2022 00:26

To be honest the most awkward moment was when it was cake time and singing Happy Birthday, nobody knowing what name to sing first. Sorry, I just found it weird, but I know the children loved it and I'd never say anything in RL.

AnneButNotHathaway · 05/05/2022 08:07

YANBU but I think you can get small toys or print out stuff like kids coloring calendars or coloring pages and get the crayons.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/05/2022 10:15

Tania64 · 04/05/2022 21:14

I agree with you OP. In the 90s when my daughter was at nursery school she had a party in a McDonalds party room. I had to pay for each child individually. I invited all of her nursery class. There was a set of twins & two cousins in the class - one present was given to my daughter between them from the twins & cousins so 2 presents instead of 4. Yet when they had joint parties I had to buy individual presents for each child - so 4 presents for only 2 parties. I think this is really wrong and unfair.

Why didn’t you buy joint presents like a game if that’s how you feel

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/05/2022 10:19

MoHunter · 05/05/2022 00:26

To be honest the most awkward moment was when it was cake time and singing Happy Birthday, nobody knowing what name to sing first. Sorry, I just found it weird, but I know the children loved it and I'd never say anything in RL.

This. Didn’t know what name to say first

dd went to a joint party the other week. Her friend and another in her class

so I only brought for dd friend. I don’t know the other girl. Not in same school

problem was they had one cake and 2nd girl my dd friend cried as didn’t blow out the candles 😢😢

so I suggested relighting it

why they didn’t do spectate cakes is behind me

SleepingStandingUp · 05/05/2022 12:14

why they didn’t do spectate cakes is behind me spectate cake - is that when a random er blows out the candle and both kids watch?

But yes, seriously speaking, I think joint party is fine but own cakes. Except possibly siblings / twins who are happy to share

bluebeach · 05/05/2022 14:26

I just wish we didn’t have this ridiculous present buying culture. If you are inviting the whole class, what parent really wants, or has space for 30 crap new toys, you don’t know who they are from and most end up in the bin, at the charity shop, or are re-gifted. When I invited the whole class to my daughters joint birthday (with 2 other kids) I wrote on the invite about no presents being necessary. Of course a few still did, dd’s close friends, but thankfully lots of parents obliged.

Ikeptgoing · 05/05/2022 14:33

If it's a joint party for 3 birthday children of course you can't buy expensive presents for each!
You buy for theDCs that invited DS /or that are friends of your DS. I'd spend £5 per birthday child for a joint party.

What about these water balloons and pump £5 each- on Amazon (prime feee delivery) - they always go down a treat! (Refill balloons are easy to buy for the parents later on)

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07D3SJTK8/ref=cmswwrothhapiii_RY6ZGKXP45Y8Z25BFFFV