Is this racist?

[ToastedWaffle]

Okay.... so my ex was over at my house tonight to see our kids (he often does this).

Eldest DC was brushing their teeth whilst the same time trying to ask my ex a question.

Because you couldn't make out the words DC was saying with the toothbrush in their mouth, ex then proceeds to imitate the 'sound' saying something like "wah sah wah ha insert random sound here Are you Chinese or something?"

I've just had my arse handed to me by my ex for pointing out it was casually racist and could he not say things like that.

He has kicked up a massive stink which involved shouting, swearing, in which I asked him to leave. Still, the kids overheard him as he was being deliberately loud in shouting at me.

I'm sat here confused as hell.

"The same applies for white privilege" that was meant to say, not "white privileged".

Because I'm ashamed to admit he's an acquaintance of mine.

And the point about my female friend is that this procedure hasn't been widely publicised and I didn't think to mention it as being killed by a misogynistic policeman isn't something I need to worry about.

Yes it's racist, I'm saying this because my DH is ethnically Chinese (British born) and my beautiful DC are mixed Chinese. Making fun of someone's native language and the way they speak is at best very unkind and at worst blatantly racist.

I missed a vital non there! Should have said:

Adoption is an example. In the UK NON white children are statistically more likely to be in care than white children and less likely to be adopted than white children.

That would be illegal and a case for a tribunal - positive discrimination is illegal.

That would be illegal and a case for a tribunal - positive discrimination is illegal

There seem to be a lot of people committing illegal acts nowadays then

Change your attitude perhaps?
On what? As I'm reading more, I understand more what is meant by it, but I still think it is just that, a term to describe something, it doesn't and won't change my ways because they were ever racist to start with.

Let me be clear - I think your offended French person is purely fictional. I don’t think any rational French person is offended by this. I think it’s actually absurd that you’re typing out a scenario where a French person finds the phrase pardon my French ‘very offensive’
Such selectivity! You either offend or you don't and very sadly, my example is not fictional at all. I happen to have worked with a number of mature French students well educated, very polite and they did find it very offensive. Why do you find it so hard to believe if you are not French and therefore can't understand the significance for a French person. Yet somehow, you can understand the impact of making fun of a chinese speaking!

Because I'm ashamed to admit he's an acquaintance of mine

How can you live with yourself being friends with a member of such misogynistic force (in your words)?

Encourage people to report them then, it's illegal 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ah, sorry Apples. Obviously got a bit carried away with responding to the nonsense on here.

Why are people using examples of crying Frenchmen to argue the idea that mocking the Chinese isn't racist?
Because some posters are adamant that it's the opposite that applies.

I don't think what that father said is outrageous but it certainly something I would say. I also taught my kids that the expression about the French is not a nice one but I do t pick up on those who do use it.

You realise that people you know sometimes come out with stuff that hits you by surprise. It's like racist people who you meet and think they're nice people until they come out with crap.

Or women here who marry or date men who seem ok but end up being abusive (like the OP's it would seem).

What an unbelievably stupid comment

However, in the case where two very close candidates were male/female. I might just opt for the female as studies have shown that greater diversity leads to greater productivity and successful products. So the best outcome could be just looking at a bigger picture
Which if they were close but the girl was still second wod be unfair to the boy. He'd be discriminated for being a boy as had he been a girl he would have been chosen.

If research shows a disparity like this then it absolutely is useful because it allows the powers that be to put in place support for single or separated parents and their children to help tackle the root causes of that disparity
Exactly, it's the research that matters. Calling it 'married kid privilege' and repeating to these kids that they should keep quiet because they are privileged is another unnecessary layer.

wow do you not think pOm is derogatory ? Or is that ok

Nah just think it's relevant on a thread of mainly white British people where a large part of it is "won't somebody think of the white people"

Change your attitude perhaps?

On what? As I'm reading more, I understand more what is meant by it, but I still think it is just that, a term to describe something, it doesn't and won't change my ways because they were ever racist to start with.

If that's the case then it doesn't relate to you obviously 🤦

The question asked was what the purpose of privilege (the concept of) was. The purpose is to help change attitudes and to understand that people don't always appreciate the perspectives of the marginalized. Especially when arguing against stuff like racism/sexism.

But if you're 100% sure you have all bases covered then chapeau!

Exactly, it's the research that matters. Calling it 'married kid privilege' and repeating to these kids that they should keep quiet because they are privileged is another unnecessary layer.

Where on earth have I said that in that scenario any kids should 'keep quiet'?! Where has anyone said white children or white adults shouldn't also complain about issues they face or tackle hardship they face?!

The thing you don't seem to be getting your head around is while it's called 'white privileged' it's about what that means for nin white people. It's about tackling the injustices or hardships faced by them specifically due to their race. Not about telling white people they can't ever complain about anything because they're white.

Privilege is not an 'unnecessary layer' to people of a group that is systemically disadvantaged, be it non white people when it comes to race, women when it comes to sex or children of divorced parents in your example. What is unnecessary about acknowledging privilege? Without acknowledging it you can't tackle it and level the playing field.

This is such a depressing thread to read.

As a Chinese child, not a day went by when someone or other didn't say either directly to me or very deliberately loudly within earshot, some stupid mocking "Chinese-sounding" nonsense, along the lines of what the ex has said in the OP.

And of course, I didn't make a fuss at the time, well because this is England, we're middle-class, and it isn't "real" racism . And my 8 year old self was obviously totally unreasonable to be upset by all these remarks by random strangers that that were made purely on the basis of my race.

To have people say on this thread, quite patronisingly, that these sorts of comments aren't racist is frankly insulting and ignorant.

If you're on this thread trying to argue that the OP's ex wasn't making a racist comment, then you're part of the problem and you're part of the reason why my children (the ones that have a Chinese appearance, that is, because strangely enough, the ones that look caucasian don't have to put up with these comments) have had to endure the same racist rubbish, 30 years later.

But I suppose my children and I should just put up with it and not make a fuss because it's virtue signalling, or because some other Chinese person did something bad, or because sexism and classism exists, or because someone is homeless or because of whatever other reason - because there's always a reason why racism should not be called out when you're looking for reasons to look the other way.

Nah just think it's relevant on a thread of mainly white British people where a large part of it is "won't somebody think of the white people"

Well, we are in the UK and the majority of people are white.

Again, inadequate comments that are completely oblivious of context 🙄

Not about telling white people they can't ever complain about anything because they're white

Tell me something. If you had to complain about an incident of discrimination based on your race (if I recall correctly you've said you are white), would you go ahead and do it in the current context?

I haven’t RTFT but yes OP, this is racist and you were right to react in the way that you did.

If you were to have not reacted that way, that would be teaching your child that it’s okay to speak like that, regardless of whether it is a joke or not.

She must be taught to respect all other cultures, regardless.

Clearly, your ex doesn’t get that so when he finally does and the penny drops, then you can explain to him that unless he refrains from making and or encouraging such ‘jokes’ towards or in the presence of your DC, that he is not welcome in your home.

Are you asking if I was discriminated against for being white would I report it?

Yes, if for example some colleagues were using derogatory abusive language against me for being anything, including my race, I would report it. I would report any abusive behaviour.

I can't think of an example in my particular career (as I'm self employed) where I would be discriminated against for being white but in principle yes.

However if, for example, a diversity committee was set up somewhere I was working and I was told that they were seeking out a suitably qualified non-white person to be the chair, I wouldn't feel hurt or discriminated against as it would be a sensible and fair decision in my opinion.

Just as if a committee to tackle sexism against women in the workplace was being set up somewhere and it was made clear that a female candidate was preferred as chair, I would expect a decent man to recognise that as a sensible and fair decision rather than taking it personally or feeling hard done by.

What on earth is your problem? I have never said that racism only works one way. I’ve asked you to look back at my posts and find an example of that except you can’t. Because it’s not there.

Literally the only thing I’ve said that you keep repeating is that Asian people can and have been attacked. Is that not true then? When I asked you to specify what race I said were attacking Asian people you couldn’t, because it wasn’t in my post. Did I state Asian people are attacked more than white people? Did I say white people were the only people who attacked people? No and no. Why do you keep making things up?

Other people can read my posts, and see that’s not what I’m saying at all, so god knows what you’re trying to achieve. Stop lying. It’s still weird.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

👍

I couldn’t get worked up about it, seriously and my family are Chinese !

@Fieldsofdaffodils

Im glad you find a member of my family being kicked unconscious suffering a blood clot on the brain laughable. Beware is under the impression that racism only works one way or else why would she cite numerous egs of asians being attacked?

Ah yes, because that's what I said...NOT. And nowhere has Beware said racism only works one way. What's laughable is you presenting your examples as 'facts' but saying Beware's are just examples i.e. not a fact.

I note you haven't responded to my question relating to how you think a white Christian would get on in many asian /african countries all well known for their equal rites on race / sex and tolerance compared to what many describe as this awful racist hellhole ( the Uk). I think we all know the answer to that one

How would I know? I live in the UK. It's not a race to the bottom though, is it?