Is this racist?

[ToastedWaffle]

Okay.... so my ex was over at my house tonight to see our kids (he often does this).

Eldest DC was brushing their teeth whilst the same time trying to ask my ex a question.

Because you couldn't make out the words DC was saying with the toothbrush in their mouth, ex then proceeds to imitate the 'sound' saying something like "wah sah wah ha insert random sound here Are you Chinese or something?"

I've just had my arse handed to me by my ex for pointing out it was casually racist and could he not say things like that.

He has kicked up a massive stink which involved shouting, swearing, in which I asked him to leave. Still, the kids overheard him as he was being deliberately loud in shouting at me.

I'm sat here confused as hell.

Quotation fail there - the first unbolded sentence is a response to me (bold but) not my words.

What a vile post both in terms of your aggression, obnoxious language and racism towards white school kids. Reread your post substituting the last word to black and it would be called out for outrageous racism. Many of the most vociferous posters regarding race often use terms such as " Only a white person would say it was racist"- this kind of nonsense is divisive and highlights their own racism where they think racism can only work one way. These sort of threads just get many people rolling their eyes at the stupidity of them where it detracts from sensible discussions on racism contrary to reading the above poster and others foaming at the mouth in rage at a kid in a bathroom with a toothbrush in his gob mocked for sounding like he was Chinese. A bit like the boy who cried wolf, some people live to be offended yet a poster saying basically white kids are thick and only white people can be racist is fine apparently

There is racism rife in all aspects of society from both white to black people and vice versa but using childrens white skin colour as an implied insult which has been mentioned more than once on this thread is the definition of racism- using a skin colour against an individual yet nothing is ever said.

As far as " white privilege " goes, try telling that to an elderly white woman freezing in a flat unable to heat it or eat properly.

This might be interesting for the people who think this isn’t racist.

A few years ago, dh (East Asian) was walking through town when a group of men behind him started making fake “Chinese” noises, imitating Chinese language at him and making Kung fu fighting noises. He texted me pretty upset, I reported it to the police via 101 who called back the same day, visited us the next week to get more info, checked cctv on his route to try and track them down and caution them.

To be clear, at no point did the men approach dh, touch him or attack him, it was all purely verbal, yet the police wanted to track them down and caution them.

People like op’s ex, who behave like this in front of their kids spread this kind of racist behaviour. Kids don’t learn the awful eye gesture, racist words from tv or books or the school curriculum, they learn it from parents who think this kind of behaviour is fine, or even funny. Ds was bullied for years at school for his race, including with comments exactly like op’s ex made and it affected his mental health quite badly.

(Most) racist adults know to make these kind of comments and mocking noises in the privacy of their own home and not in front of the people they’re being racist about, but trust me kids have no such filter and will be out at school repeating what their parents say and, depending on a number of factors, potentially getting punched for it, potentially getting excluded from school for it, potentially getting arrested for it.

So while making “funny noises” doesn’t seem like it’s in any kind of ballpark for some, once it’s out of the house and being done to your face it’s upsetting, othering, anxiety inducing. Having seen the effect it’s had on dh and ds it’s hard to say it’s “just a bit of fun” and “not racist”.

@Fieldsofdaffodils why did you ignore the first two paragraphs of that post you quoted? For you, it’s not ok when white kids’ school performance is criticised, but completely ok for that poster to face the racism they faced? How incredibly telling.

Im sorry to hear about your husband. I had a family member in 2017 attacked by a group of asian men labelled " white trash" who was not only taunted but beaten so badly he spent weeks in hospital with a blood clot on his brain- presumably you agree this was also racist and vile? His only crime was to object to a man pushing infront of him at a takeaway establishment which was in a major UK city so not some kind of rural backwater. The police of course haven't found out who was responsible.

What's telling is many accusations of racism is directed to people who arent racist yet a poster targeting white children is ignored- that's very telling

Your comprehension skills and graph/statistic analysis are poor. The document I sent you stated that only 50% of white British students passed their English and Maths GCSEs

You know what? Maybe you are right.

Maybe more public resources, focus and attention need to be channelled to these white students who are being disadvantaged and left behind by the current tsunami of aggressive identity politicking

Interesting. Half my relatives are French, and I must admit, whilst the explanation of the phrase has been discussed, I've not heard anyone feel belittle by it. That doesn't mean they haven't though.

I suppose in my head the French and English give as good as they get. The French are not generally known for being belittled, or attacked. The use of ONE phrase, which comes from a time when the French were the enemy, had not resulted in their wholesale downfall. Unlike the behaviour towards black, Asian, south East Asian, and other minority groups.

I assume you're trying to pick holes in my argument. If my cousins, and ancestors have to bear with the English suspicion that they are arrogant, eat weird food, and looser morals, I'd take that any day over them being told they were sub human, not allowed to share space, attacked, and murdered.

I've experienced a lot of "racism", banter, discrimination, whatever because I'm English, and in another mainly white country, but you're never going to convince me that my experience is on a par with POC. Ever. Even if it is fucking annoying.

What's telling is many accusations of racism is directed to people who arent racist yet a poster targeting white children is ignored- that's very telling**

rtft - you're not the first person to pick this up

As far as " white privilege " goes, try telling that to an elderly white woman freezing in a flat unable to heat it or eat properly.

People don't seem to understand the concept of white privilege. It means that when all else is equal, a privilege exists when one is white.

Now this doesn't mean white people are all 'privileged'.

The elderly woman is white and therefore whatever other problems she's faced, she hasn't had to deal with racism on top of them. That's all the phrase means fundamentally. It doesn't mean there are no disadvantaged white people or white people have an easy life.

If two people are homeless but one is non white then they will over the course of their life faced particular experiences a white person won't have, due to racism.

That is not to say that white person hasn't had a hard life but the specific experience of not having to experience racism / race related issues IS white privilege.

I'm adopted. Was a foster kid. So definitely not 'privileged'. But I absolutely had 'white privilege' because I am white, in that I didn't have to face the additional challenges of being non white eg in the UK white children are more likely to be adopted while children who aren't white are more likely to remain in care.

So not 'privileged' but still had 'white privilege'. It's not a derogatory term at all and I don't understand why people can't grasp the concept of it. Or maybe they don't want to, I don't know.

And yet another attempt to goad with wilful (and awful) interpretation. 😂

Try quoting me in full, with the post I responded to.

@BewareTheLibrarians
This might be interesting for the people who think this isn’t racist.
Im sorry that racist hate speech happened to your DH, but surely you can understand that the two situations- OPs and your DHs are worlds apart and to compare them is in my opinion, a false equivalence?

Each situation should be assessed individually imho.

I hope those that need to, read this post above and really stop and think. However, the obstinate and willful ignorance and arrogance means they will dismiss it, sadly.

I kind of see both sides. Most foreign languages are intelligible to most people. I once accused DS1 of speaking Klingon when I could make out what he was saying.

Would it still be racist whichever language was mentioned?

*unintelligible

Maybe you should have more empathy for OP then given your experiences?

How you do cling-on to the same tired racism apologies...

People don't seem to understand the concept of white privilege. It means that when all else is equal, a privilege exists when one is white.

Yes. I wonder if another term should be used? Any mention of ‘privilege’ immediately makes people indignant, and discussion of what is a valid concept is derailed.

As we’ve seen, there is enough derailing and whataboutery whenever racism is discussed, that it would be helpful to cut down on both genuine misunderstandings and bad faith arguments where possible.

How are they worlds apart? You won't explain because you know they are VERY similar.

And yet more wilful ignorance from you.

People don't seem to understand the concept of white privilege

It's not that they 'don't understand it'. They don't agree with a theory that somebody put together and others started regarding as 'fact' once it has been hammered into people's heads long enough

Nope, pretty sure you don't understand it.

i think class privilege is much more relevant in 2022 than " white privilege" . This isn't 1950s Alabama, infact in many areas white children are actually disadvantaged compared to their non white peers.

Using an individuals skin tone even when white as a negative is racism no matter how it is dressed up with terminology. A classic eg of this is " positive discrimination" where white people are actually barred from applying for certain jobs to " balance the numbers". A sane society shouldn't tackle racism by replacing it with another form of racism- imagine in a predominantly asian area if there was a disproportionately high number of asian employees in a work place compared to the national demographic for a job advert to say " Sorry we are only hiring white people". Racism works both ways and no one should be treated differently but in order to combat racism you don't replace it with further racism.

Many of the comments on this thread purporting to be from people outraged at racism are racist themselves yet they are too blinkered to see it.

@Fieldsofdaffodils yes of course I agree that’s vile and disgusting behaviour. What’s interesting though is rather than address anything else from my post (i.e. the casual racism that parents display at home can lead to negative outcomes for their own children) you’ve leapt to “well brown people do bad things too!” I could give you countless examples of Asian/East Asian people who’ve been attacked, beaten, killed by other races but one-upping and whataboutery gets us further away from the point.

Which is some people’s end goal, admittedly.

Did you read the whole post which clearly shows how they are linked, and one leads to the other?

@mustlovegin - it’s possible to disagree with the theory, and many do, but this poster was clearly replying to someone who didn’t understand the theory in the first place. Whether you agree that white privilege exists or not, the definition is as youvegotten says. It’s not intended to be synonymous with privilege in the more traditional sense of wealth, upbringing, connections and so forth.