DS Bullied By Child with SEN

[ellie21]

My son who is at a mainstream Primary School is being bullied by another child who is undergoing assessment for ADD.
Initially this was low level bullying ( name calling etc) but has developed into threats of violence. In the last two weeks he has been physically assaulted three times by this child. The school have confirmed that this is one sided and is happening to other students too.
I have been into school a number of times to talk to staff and whereas they are sympathetic they say they have a duty of care to the child with SEN as he is struggling to cope at school.
AIBU to think that this is separate issue? I am absolutely furious my child is being hurt.

All those saying you would deregister and look for an alternative school clearly haven’t been in that position because by deregistering the LA will say you are making suitable alternative arrangements and they are relived of their duties. By remaining on roll and collecting evidence, even if that is evidence of exclusions, you are more likely to secure the provision your DC need. It is all too easy for DC’s needs to be swept under the carpet when you EHE.

No one should be forced into EOTAS if they don’t want it. However, I couldn’t let this go.

As a PP said, I should not have to give up work, and my DS his mental health, to stay at home and never see any other children/earn any money (which is what would happen if he was home educated/ETOAS).

You cannot be forced to facilitate an EOTAS package even if that means the LA have to fund someone to do it instead. There are parents who have secured a full time TA/PA/mentor to ‘run’ the EOTAS package in addition to e.g. tutors/therapies etc. Neither does DS have to stay at home - plenty of EOTAS packages include accessing the community &/or alternative provisions e.g. trampolining/swimming/museums/cafes/forest school/care farm/outward bounds type activities…

nothing in our area for EOTAS except possibly (If we were very lucky and argued hard with the LEA) a tutor once a day for an hour that having become terrified of going out of the house due to never doing it, our DS would then not speak to.

This doesn’t need to be case, it would be a very poor EOTAS package if that was the extent of it.

Sadly there is no 'alternative education' available for most because the system deems their children's needs can be met in mainstream . Many parents have to quit their jobs and home educate because there is no other option. Some don't have the ability or means to do so. There needs to be a complete overhaul of the system.

I agree and would do the same. If it was such an extreme and constant occurrence I would expect the parent and/or the school to be arranging specialist education. It can't be normalised and kept up every day.

This isn't necessary or possible to do for all children with SEN that has violent/occasional outbursts.

In the borough I live (with a population of 226000 people) there are THREE SEN primary schools, one of which are focused mainly on physically disabled children and those with severe mental impairment that cannot access a mainstream curriculum. So not children are it's only autistim or adhd, learning delays.

So once again, it comes down to funding just not being there.

@emmakenny my friend (of an SEN child) told me when I was sat in A&E waiting for my Son to have stitches to his face after another attack that not all bad behaviours can be 'blamed' on SEN. Sometimes it's just arsehole behaviour and sometimes you need to treat it as such. And now my SEN child is older I absolutely get what she means. Of course my child is special. But so are ALL children and I could not live with myself if I was sending a child into school where they were attacking others so badly they required stitches. I wouldn't contemplate it. That's mine to deal with, no one else's and certainly not their children.

Just coming back to this as I commented before but my daughter had asd and is violent (to teachers not children) and I’ve tried to get her into an sen school and they say she doesn’t need one as she’s not behind academically, so all these saying move them into a different school like it’s that easy? My daughter has 1:1 all day even in year 6, ehcp and I still can’t get her into an sen school because she’s “not behind academically” school won’t agree with it and say she is fine in mainstream so like I said it’s not that easy.

@Zigzog why would they?

*parent of an SEN child

My ds had a child like this at there school years ago the mum fought to get him in to a more specialised school as he also clearly wasn't coping with mainstream and hitting out at other kids etc

Many many years ago when i was at school we had a small class of children in our school which I now recognise has probably having sen
So they were in a mainstream school and some subjects came in classes but often were in class together just a small group of 8/9 with a teacher and helper, seems like why couldn't this work
Class was smaller so less overwhelming i guess but they also were in with others when they wanted. Well thats how it seemed anyway

@DemBonesDemBones yes my cousin has this approach with her son who is autistic, she will tell him off at times as sometimes she said he is just being naughty and its not behaviour due to autism etc.
She knows him well so I guess can tell,but she has always pulled him up on what she deems bad behaviour

@DemBonesDemBones yes my cousin has this approach with her son who is autistic, she will tell him off at times as sometimes she said he is just being naughty and its not behaviour due to autism etc.
She knows him well so I guess can tell,but she has always pulled him up on what she deems bad behaviour

"@Zigzog why would they?"

It is hypocritical to expect to parents of children with sen to put other children first when they won't put themselves out at all to support children with sen/disabilities.

If a parent withdraws a child from school,that child frequently with very complex needs will get zero support from the LA. Yes you can get independent reports and go to tribunal but your child will be at the bottom of the LA list because the child is not their problem any more.

@Zigzog no. I completely understand that a parent of a child assaulted and traumatised would not have lobbying for the SEN child anywhere near the top of their priorities. Rightly so. They will be dealing with the physical and emotional effects being assaulted brings. To the whole family. Surely you can see that?

The teachers that your dd attacks can defend themselves and remove themselves from your child. Other children cannot.
It's not the same.

Violent sen children are just left to abuse other children until they are traumatised. I know because I was one of those children who was repeatedly, violently assaulted by a child with autism and absolutely nothing was done about it.

My daughter has hurt other children in the past but it’s unusual for her, it’s normally the teachers, just stating it’s not as easy as people think it is on here to just move them, it’s possible to parent doesn’t want the child in mainstream but the school won’t support the move.

I was talking about the general population who don't give a shit because i

@PumpkinsandKittens I totally get it's not that easy to move them, but there's a complete lack of acceptance and understanding on mumsnet that it's not easy for the NT children who have to suffer trauma and often a lot of time off school themselves. All children are important.

The PP's who mention underfunding for SEN provision are , sadly, right on the mark.
At one school where I taught, we found ourselves in the morally ambiguous position of suspending a child with the mother's agreement; she was well aware that our mainstream school could not provide the support he needed; (his siblings had thrived with us).
She was savvy enough to know that if she withdrew him, the LA would see their responsibility as lifted, but if he was permanently excluded, they would be obliged to make (expensive) alternative provision for him.
It still saddens me to think of how much misery we all had to go through, while the help he needed was delayed.

No one cares why the sen child is violent when their own child is being battered and abused by them. They just want it to stop and for their child to be safe at school- any is it so hard to accept that sen children aren't the centre of the universe and cannot always trump everyone else's needs and rights?

It isn't their child with Sen.

Parents put the needs of their own child first but somehow parents of children with SEND are expected to be different. Your anger should be with the system that does not support disabled children, not the families themselves.

"any is it so hard to accept that sen children aren't the centre of the universe and cannot always trump everyone else's needs and rights"

You have no idea.

@Zigzog not sure if you missed the part where I said I have an SEN child. I certainly wouldn't continue to send him to an educational setting where he was able to violently attack other children. Maybe I'm in some kind of weird minority. It's not fair on ANY of the children but yes, I would put other children and their right not to be attacked first to be honest.

There is noone that doubts how difficult this is for neurotypical children to move on from. These.situations should not be happening. The system is broken and failing ALL children.

What people get upset about is the blame and stigma placed on the neurodiverse child, not on the system. Comments about Sen not being an excuse, the child just being bad not actually having sen, or the child should just be kicked out of school because they can just be placed in a specialist school are just ignorant.

@Shakeitshakeitbaby I haven't seen any comments saying that.

You can choose not to be a martyr, you know.