DS Bullied By Child with SEN

[ellie21]

My son who is at a mainstream Primary School is being bullied by another child who is undergoing assessment for ADD.
Initially this was low level bullying ( name calling etc) but has developed into threats of violence. In the last two weeks he has been physically assaulted three times by this child. The school have confirmed that this is one sided and is happening to other students too.
I have been into school a number of times to talk to staff and whereas they are sympathetic they say they have a duty of care to the child with SEN as he is struggling to cope at school.
AIBU to think that this is separate issue? I am absolutely furious my child is being hurt.

Exactly this. If an adult was getting assaulted at work on a daily basis, they wouldn't accept it. Why is it ok for children to tolerate being abused?! Violent children who cannot be controlled (regardless of the reason) should not be at school. Full stop.

Where should they be then?

"You can choose not to be a martyr, you know."

As I said you have no idea.

As a parent of a teenager with extremely complex needs, I learned a long time ago that if you don't put your own child's needs first and do everything with an aim to getting them what they need then no one ever will.

I think you should re read the whole thread then. There are numerous comments suggesting:

Remove the sen child from school
Home educate the sen child
Move the sen child to a special school (chance would be a fine thing for most!)
That sen is 'overdiagnosed'
That sen is not an 'excuse' for this behavior
That children diagnosed with sen that are violent are just nasty

At home if no suitable school places are available.

what would you do with a violent child who didn't have SEN? If they were attacking other pupils and could not be controlled they would get expelled.

The LA has to provide a suitable education for any child that is excluded. No parent can be forced to home school.

My partner works in a PRU (pupil referral unit) for children that are expelled from mainstream. They seem to get quite afew with ADHD/ASD that can't get places at special school but are too disruptive/violent at mainstream. Not saying it's the perfect solution but a child should absolutely be excluded from mainstream if they are frequently violent (regardless of SEN) and the LA then needs to find them an alternative. If no special school then it wld have to be somewhere like a PRU. They only have around 5/6 kids in a class and higher ratio of TAs. They also have fewer lessons/time in school etc

Then they've got sen and 'you have no idea what it's like.' And we all just have to feel sorry for them and bury our own children gratefully.

Poppycock,my child has always been at a special school, he has severe autism and learning disabilities, thankfully,in my LEA his needs can be adequately met ,
However their are many children who whilst they have SEN do not fall into the learning disabilities,category and getting an appropriate placement for these children if their needs cannot be met in mainstream,can be a long hard fight ,there are placements, trouble is many cost ££££,s and LEA ,s are often reluctant to spend that money so carry on with 1:1,s in mainstream school and failing everyone.

@emmakenny

Then they've got sen and 'you have no idea what it's like.' And we all just have to feel sorry for them and bury our own children gratefully.

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Don't be so fucking ridiculous.

The way you talk about these children is so insulting and ignorant.

So what do we do? You seem to know all the answers as nobody else could possibly understand.

That's very kind of you to say so but in practice:

1. there is NOWHERE for a child who has EOTAS to go.


2. No parent in our LEA has ever had an EOTAS package that meant they could work out of the house.


3. No parent with an EOTAS package that I can find has ever had their child out of the house full time (which would mean my DH can't work as he WFH and can't when DS is in the house, even if with another adult).


4. As there is nowhere for my DS to go, and no other children with EOTAS packages anywhere near us (it's notorious for it, and is one of the largest LEAs too, so a 14 year old or a 6 year old an hour away are no use to us), he would necessarily not see another single child from one week's end to the next. He might go swimming once a week and trampolining once a week but neither of those would be with other children. I doubt going to the tiny local museum more than once a term would excite him. None of the other things happen in term time - we were told he couldn't go to outdoors Break Time without one of us being with him, and that's only holidays, for 4 hours once a week if we are lucky. He didn't talk to any of the other children anyway.

I don't know how people think I can wave my magic wand and magic up a setting for my son where he gets to be with calm children who don't trigger him, full time.

"Then they've got sen and 'you have no idea what it's like.' And we all just have to feel sorry for them and bury our own children gratefully"

An adult with additional needs is more likely to be the victim of a violent crime. Your children are more likely to be the perpetrators.

The SEND system is in crisis and has been for years, special needs are constantly overlooked and ignored and as a result all children are being put at risk and/or being failed.

Every child and their education and safety matters, and it is the government that needs to put SEND up there as a priority to ensure this.

My child needs 1-1 interventions at school but doesn't need full 1-1 supervision all day. They get a set number of hours per week 1-1.
Because they need lunch/break playground supervision (not violence related) that time gets taken from from the classroom/learning.

They literally can't fund necessary playground supervision without taking some 1-1 time away from the classroom.

So I'm sure you can imagine if some LA are that picky and tight fisted what happens elsewhere in even more deprived areas.

My children aren't battering their classmates and being validated after doing so, so I'm afraid your statistics seems to be the opposite of many posters experiences on this thread.

There is no link between having a disability and committing murder.

Yes I can voucher for this. My DP is a teacher in a primary school and I volunteer in a primary school.
Special schools lack places and therefore these children who cannot cope with main stream school are being left there. Which I think is entirely wrong on all the other class members.
Also the school needs to exhaust every adjustment for the child before they can even begin thinking about going to a special school.

The system is floored and I feel sorry for the children who are left in unsafe circumstances

@emmakenny

So what do we do? You seem to know all the answers as nobody else could possibly understand.

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Perhaps we should go back in time and classify these children as uneducable and remove their right to an education.

Maybe ship them off so an institution somewhere?

Or maybe, just maybe, we could show some compassion and understanding, and push for the government to do the right thing and appropriately fund SEND. If the funding is there, the child with SEN gets appropriate supervision and support, and this protects other children and ensure they can get on with learning.

This is clearly lost on you though as I've said this god knows how many times on this thread. But you are not interested or bothered you are just being rude, goady and downright unkind.

Drspouse You clearly don’t want EOTAS and that is fine, but for the benefit of others reading, just because it hasn’t happened in your LA doesn’t mean it can’t, although you may have to appeal. LAs often say they don’t do things or that’s not what happens it their LA or something isn’t possible, when it can happen. It is also possible the LA are telling you they don’t have that happening in their LA when they do, they aren’t known for telling the truth.

There will be provision to make an EOTAS package with, that provision doesn’t have to be at home (I do know EOTAS packages where none of the provision takes place at home - tuition takes place at libraries/the ever dwindling number of children’s centres/cafes/in the park (yes, even in winter)/APs and the therapies at the therapists place of work and the accessing the community at various venues in the community).

No EOTAS won’t be perfect, but since it is only lawful when there isn’t a suitable school it is the best option for many and does not need to only be a paltry amount of tuition a week. A good EOTAS package will include far more in terms of tuition, therapies, other provision and equipment/subscriptions/memberships.

it is however true that the majority of the prison population have some sort of sen often undiagnosed until they get into the prison system are are assessed properly, but late then though

@blinkybilll I actually think you're being unkind, refusing to acknowledge or care about the effect of violence on NT children. Your lack of awareness is quite shocking.

To turn your question around what do you suggest we do with the NT children sitting in A&E because they've been attacked? Tell them to 'just be kind'? Because I did that for the previous 15 attacks. That didn't keep him safe. Thankfully the school in our case finally acted after the parents of numerous children refused to back down (again) and serious measures were taken. And do you know what? After a serious consequence the child in question desisted. Hasn't attacked another child for months after doing so daily without repercussion for YEARS.
What do you sugggest though? Suck it up?

OP I hope you get it sorted. One piece of advice, keep on at the school. don't let it drop.

My ds was also bullied by a child with sen. Started as name calling, escalated to full on assault. Including things like being pushed down and having his head stamped on, having his head smashed into a brick wall. The school were always 'dealing with it', but nothing ever seemed to be actually happening. The child would taunt my dc that he never got punished and would laugh at him about that. It would stop for a few days then start up again. They simply did not take it seriously, and their excuse was this child has 'issues'
I slowly watched my DS go from a happy, bright bubbly, easy going 8 year old to a quiet, subdued 11 year old with zero self confidence and depression who would get anxious to leave the house. I wish more than anything I'd of been more forceful from the get go. It wasn't until my ds said he wanted to die that I really realised the full extent of what he'd been enduring at school.

It made no sense that the school were not punishing this behaviour because sen or no sen, a child needs to know what is acceptable and what isn't. And they were not being given this message, just allowances and excuses.

Forward to secondary school and it continued. Except they were not half as placid with this kid as at primary. It was stamped out pretty damn quick. The kid in question went on to assault a young girl (because she looked at him weird) ended up expelled and is now in juevenille jail (whatever thats called officially) for further assault on an old lady.

So ask the primary school, how is their allowance of this childs behaviour acually helping him. To me, my ds primary just seemed to want to brush it all under the carpet until he was no longer their problem. Destroying my ds and other dc in the process.

I'm sorry for parents who have violent dc, sen or no sen, but when they are physically assaulting other dc they need to be removed and actually properly helped, because its not going to just vanish as soon as they hit teenage years.

My DS is now 14 and so anxious socially, he keeps his head down and avoids any situation he can. He is no longer that happy lad who was full of jokes and spirit and fun. If I could ever meet this other kids parent I would say 'did you know what your son was doing?' and 'why the fuck then did you allow him just carry on'. It kills me every day that I didn't realise just how bad it had got until it was too late.

Don't let them fob you off.

When my child was in mainstream he eventually got 32.5 hours 1-1 ta through his ehcp which was for all structured and non structured times of day but half the time the school didn’t provide it fully or used the 1-1 to support other kids. They’d justify saying he was fine at thst particular time so didn’t need but then when something kicked off he’d be blamed and be excluded. In the end I used the exclusions to my advantage and he’s now in an amazing school for asd children of mainstream academic ability. Class of 4 with a teacher and two TA’s.They do alot of work on social skills, emotions etc which is exactly what he needs to build up the skills he needs for life.

Because it is not law thst you have to go to work it is law thst you have to educate your children.

it is not law thst an employer had to provide you with a job it is law thst the la has to provide school aged kids with education. It’s not comparable.