DS Bullied By Child with SEN

[ellie21]

My son who is at a mainstream Primary School is being bullied by another child who is undergoing assessment for ADD.
Initially this was low level bullying ( name calling etc) but has developed into threats of violence. In the last two weeks he has been physically assaulted three times by this child. The school have confirmed that this is one sided and is happening to other students too.
I have been into school a number of times to talk to staff and whereas they are sympathetic they say they have a duty of care to the child with SEN as he is struggling to cope at school.
AIBU to think that this is separate issue? I am absolutely furious my child is being hurt.

Not in my experience.

This post is full of so many ignorant, clueless people.

@blinkybilll they are supported often at the expense of every other child's education and safety.

Bullshit.

You clearly have no idea the struggles, sadness and difficulty a child with an invisible disability and additional needs goes through.

The ignorance on this thread is astonishing.

blinkybilll · 04/05/2022 10:01
emmakenny
@blinkybilll they are supported often at the expense of every other child's education and safety.
Bullshit.

You clearly have no idea the struggles, sadness and difficulty a child with an invisible disability and additional needs goes through”

The cause of the violent behaviour is irrelevant to the victim of the violence. Being physically attacked at school is unacceptable, whatever the reason.

@blinkybilll no, perhaps I don't understand. I just watch them batter and bite other children whilst their parents coo over them and the teachers are too afraid to do anything.

@blinkybilll no, perhaps I don't understand. I just watch them batter and bite other children whilst their parents coo over them and the teachers are too afraid to do anything.

"If a child has SEN they're basically untouchable. It doesn't matter how disruptive, violent and dangerous their behaviour may be."

If you looked at the exclusion statistics you would see that children with SEN are far more likely to be excluded from school than children without SEN.

To be clear, a child being violent and harming other people in school isn't ok, ever. SEN or otherwise.

But the reason behind the violence and the support system in place is important.

If a child with SEN is lashing out out there should be appropriate support and funding to ensure their safety and the safety of all the other children.

If that isn't in place it isn't the child's fault. They are certainly not 'untouchable' they are just fortunate enough to have people around them to advocate for them and ensure they're not being punished for something that is out of their control.

Parents of children with SEN have a fight on their hands every single day to ensure they are treated fairly and supported appropriately. Funding is so fucking hard to secure, so many ehcp are rejected.

I wonder how many of you people would feel of your child was the one constantly being demonised through no fault of their own.

Perhaps you should live a day in the shoes of one of these parents

Then again no you wouldn't like that. It's far easier to sit in judgement at these 'untouchable' 'over diagnosed' children that probably don't have anything the matter with them

The problem lies with the system, lack of support and funding. Not the child and their parent.

The school and local authorities needs to be pushed to safe guard anybody at risk. Not alienate children with disabilities.

Maybe it would be easier to pack them off to an institution like the old days.

Have you looked at all schools in your local area including specialist independents?
Of course bloody I have. What do you take me for?
We've been looking for a new school since Jan 2019.
The school I'm talking about costs £40K per child per year. About half the children are also in children's homes run by the same group. Big moneyspinner.

They do have the right to a full time mainstream education.

In practice this is not true. We would rather DS was in mainstream but no mainstream will take him - despite him finding many of the children in his current specialist setting traumatising.

As a PP said, I should not have to give up work, and my DS his mental health, to stay at home and never see any other children/earn any money (which is what would happen if he was home educated/ETOAS).

Before anyone starts, yes we've looked at every school there is, no there is nothing for home educated families in our area unless your child is under 6 or a self-motivated teenager, and no there is nothing in our area for EOTAS except possibly (If we were very lucky and argued hard with the LEA) a tutor once a day for an hour that, having become terrified of going out of the house due to never doing it, our DS would then not speak to.
Currently he actually goes to school and occasionally sits with the other children and talks to the teacher.
Over the summer holiday he retreats and won't go out. That's what he'd be like all the time if he was at home all the time. Over the Easter holidays he did not speak to a single other child except DD.

Bullying is not entirely in the eye of the beholder. My DS has been aggressive but he is way too disorganised (ADHD) to be a bully - he's never targeted the same person twice in a row, he rarely targets other children, and if he does it's more likely to be because they are e.g. in the way while he's trying to get out of a noisy room. Many children think a single incident is bullying. If a child pushes 5 other children who are in the way, and they happened to have pushed one of the same children yesterday, that is bad management, poor attention to that child's needs, and upsetting for the child who was pushed twice, but is very unlikely to be targeted or to be bullying.

My son has ADHD. He gets so sick of people blaming really bad behaviour on having ADHD. He has trouble with concentrating and rote learning. He has worked hard at school though with a lot extra coaching to get through with respectable to good marks and is at university now. Outside a martial arts class he has never hit anybody in his life. ADHD children can be impulsive but that doesn't mean that their first response is to whack somebody. There are some children who are just little thugs and it's nothing to do with special needs even if they have them.

NO child should go to school and get physically assaulted. I cannot understand how any parent of a violent child can willingly send them to school to hurt, punch, bite, kick and terrorise children who have done nothing to them. Why should my child come home with bruises sobbing about the boy or girl who pinned them down and punched them just for sitting beside them? Why should my child be terrified to go to school because they know it will happen again. Why should my child's education be affected because a child throws a chair in the middle of a lesson at the teacher. Why should my child be riddled with anxiety because they are terrified of this child? Why should my child have to put up with this? It affects her, it affects us, it's a fucking nightmare and I am so tired of it.
I do understand that a child with SEN is not doing this out of spite of being bold but Christ it does affect my child in a horrible way and it is just not fair and absolutely NOTHING is done.

@ihmlsnwidhks Mum if an SEN child and also Mum of a child that has been repeatedly assaulted by another SEN child at school. I promise you if my SEN child was assaulting children at school I would be withdrawing him and seeking alternative education. The school let down both children when this is normalised. No child should have to go to school terrified.

To be clear, a child being violent and harming other people in school isn't ok, ever. SEN or otherwise

With respect, blinkybilll, I'm not sure it was wise to put the "but" after a spot-on sentence like that

Most of us realise perfectly well this isn't the other child's actual fault, that schools have a hard time dealing with these issues and that much more support is needed. However that doesn't oblige OP to take on others' problems as hers, or to forget that her own priority is her child

I agree completely. It isn't right or fair at all and it shouldn't be happening.

This is because the funding and support just isn't there. It's everyone's job to be pushing for better services for SEN.

I have a NT child who has been affected by this behaviour in class, and I have a disabled child who struggles in school with various things (but isn't violent).

I just hate the way ignorant people talk about children with SEN when they should actually be looking into why this is happening. And it certainly isn't because they are 'untouchable' according to another poster

@blinkybilll I hear you. The support is a bloody shambles and quite frankly a disgrace. So many kids and parents are just being let down time and time again.

How many of those complaining about children with SEN have done anything to fight for extra support and funding for those children? How many of you paid any attention to the 2019 SEND campaign by parents? How many of you have written to your MP? How many of you are still voting for this government?

There is every need for the but.

This is because are plenty of people out there who don't give a shit about children with SEN because it's not their child not their problem.

Of course every parents child is their priority snd rightly so, but there is also a need to understand what the other child could be going through and the system in place that is clearly not giving them the help they need.

None of them.

Not their child not their problem.

It's for parents of SEN children to struggle and battle while other parents bitch and moan about over diagnosed, untouchable children and teachers to scared to act.

When in reality it's the bastards running the country and the local authorities not willing to spend the money to ensure SEN children are appropriately supported while ensuring the safety and well-being of the rest of the class.

Your child is your child. Every child has different struggles. Not all children with Sen are violent but some are when they are overwhelmed, it is a fight or flight response. Astounding ignorance.

I am autistic. I have never been violent. My son on the other hand is non verbal, autistic and has ADHD and is violent on occasion. This happens when he is anxious, overloaded and stressed due to external factors such as inappropriate environment . He is the most cuddly, gentle and anxious child 95% of the time. I do not compare my struggles to his but we both have Sen. You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

Exactly.

All children are let down by the crap support system, not just those with SEN.

“Of course every parents child is their priority snd rightly so, but there is also a need to understand what the other child could be going through and the system in place that is clearly not giving them the help they need.”

I’m afraid if my child were being attacked regularly, I wouldn’t care why, I would just want it to stop.

You're absolutely right but you'll be shouted down as ableist

And as I've said before, the reason why is because the school/local authority/government is failing those children.

There isn't appropriate support in place if a child is repeatedly able to lash out at others. And that isn't the fault of the child or their parent.

You've every right to be angry and want it to stop, and do everything in your power to make it stop. I have been there myself and it's horrendous. But I didn't lay the blame at the door of the child and their parent. I insisted a risk assessment was done and I wanted to see the evidence in black and white that my child would be kept from harms way while in school. While also understanding that the child lashing out isn't doing it out of being a bully, they were overwhelmed, over stimulated and had nowhere to turn to calm down because they should have 1-1 support and guess what, they were refused funding.

The bottom line is, that children are being failed constantly because of money.