DS Bullied By Child with SEN

[ellie21]

My son who is at a mainstream Primary School is being bullied by another child who is undergoing assessment for ADD.
Initially this was low level bullying ( name calling etc) but has developed into threats of violence. In the last two weeks he has been physically assaulted three times by this child. The school have confirmed that this is one sided and is happening to other students too.
I have been into school a number of times to talk to staff and whereas they are sympathetic they say they have a duty of care to the child with SEN as he is struggling to cope at school.
AIBU to think that this is separate issue? I am absolutely furious my child is being hurt.

@Luculentus being rude and verbally aggressive doesn't really help in getting your point across, and just distracts from your support and advocacy with regards to sen.

@Luculentus if failing my child means keeping other safe then so be it

I cannot and will not EVER allow my child to be physically assaulting and harming other kids.

Children need to be able to go to school without being subjected to violence. It's neither here not there if SEN are involved - it still hurts.

Head teachers should be able to exclude violent children without the jumping through hoops it requires. Violent children are very unhappy children but the needs of the others not to be hurt matter more.

More specialist school are needed. More money to support these children is needed. The parents of violent children need to accept that sometimes mainstream is not the best place for them.

Meanwhile heads should be able to exclude until the LEA comes up with the money to provide enough support for the violent child to keep others safe.

But you can't have physical abuse, whether the child doing it has SEN or not.
No one should put up with their child being physically abused.

This exact thing happened to my dd (then 9) last year. I ended up removing her as they kept making plans to keep him away but nothing changed. Being hit so many times has changed her. She is not the same little girl that she was.

It's not beneficial to allow a child to be violent either. They're going to grow up and get bigger and the violent behaviour will be harder for other people to handle. Allowing them to use people as punchbags isn't a long term solution.

The usual discriminative comments about disabled people that are touted on threads like this. Shaming and wanting to exclude disabled people because of their disability or behaviour related to it. The problem lies with the poor support system, environment and lack of funding, not the disabled person.

Example
The child shouldn't get a school education because of their behaviour, which is a direct result of their disability. This is disability discrimination, but people appear to think this is ok because it isn't a physical disability. You wouldn't deny a wheelchair user access to a school, you would build ramp/lifts to allow them to access. Children with SEN need proper supports in place to allow them and others to feel safe and secure in school. It is not OK to say they shouldn't be allowed a school education.

Hear hear

Indeed they do, and the fact that many don't have the correct support in place is firmly in the hands of those who make policy and decide where money is being spent. Unfortunately though as change isn't forthcoming, it doesn't mean children should be subject to violence at school- there is no easy solution really. Well there is but government won't fund it, in the here and now there isn't an answer that doesn't disadvantage someone.

They do have the right to a full time mainstream education. Infuriatingly so because it should be every child having the right to an appropriate education, which often is not mainstream. Forcing schools who are already underfunded to manage pupils with severe behavioural challenges is bullshit. You need support to get the right placement.
Camhs is a pile of shit, EWMHS is a pile of wank. The LEA only ever wants the cheapest option.
Other parents end up hating you and your kid, and sonetimes i think i dont blame them.

Then if you do manage to get decent support, you still have to fight to keep it every year, and then they try and remove it at 16 again.
If I knew then what I know now, I dont think id have put my kids through it all, but as you say, its letting them off the hook

Your poor DC.

agree that this is not acceptable.

You need a paper trail. Email the school, detailing each incident and state they are failing to safeguard your child. Ask what they will do to safeguard your child.

State your child has an absolute right not to be assaulted in school.
the other child’s needs are a separate issue and you are only concerned with your child.
failure to safeguard and negligence are the terms you should use.

ask for a meeting, and then send an email recapping what the school say they will do.

email after every single incident, detailing it and the schools response.

a paper trail is vital in cases like this.

Also agree that often the right to a mainstream education is as frustrating (if not more so) for parents of children with SEN who have it as a see we don't need to provide alternative provision, even if the child needs it.

Absolutely. In Scotland they have GIRFEC which is supposed to stand for getting it right for every child. At the moment they are getting it wrong for every child. The system is broken and everyone is suffering. Unfortunately this leads to disabled children being unfairly villanised.

Like racist bingo, or homophobic bingo. A collection of predictable and hackneyed discriminatory comments aimed at a minority group - in this case, disabled people. HTH.

I hope everyone who is upset and angry about children being physically harmed by children with SEN has written or is writing to their MP to ask that more funding is put in place for schools.

Parents of SEN children have been campaigning for years for this but it is largely ignored by the government. The more people that campaign for this, the safer schools will become.

Next time someone on your Facebook shares a petition for SEND, don't ignore it and scroll past. Read and sign it.

The thing is though there are other options but it takes a massive fight to get them and pulling your child out and home educating them is ok as a short term solution but it’s a sure fire way to ensure they won’t get any support going forwards. Then what happens when they become an adult and have never socialised at all as always been kept at home and they end up in prison or killing someone. They need to be in a suitable placement when they are young where they can have specialist work on managing emotions etc

In terms of the needs of the other child the school say this is relevant because he is aware he is different to others and is struggling to cope with school. They say this is a contributing factor to his behaviour

It's true this is relevant to the other child, but it's not relevant to yours or their duty to ensure the safety of all the children, and all too often it's used as a "we can't do anything" get-out

You're absolutely right to focus on your child's safety when speaking to them, but I'd leave their bullying policy out of it since that's another opportunity for them to divert the conversation. The priority for you isn't what the paperwork says, who drew it up, how wonderful they are and how much more they could do if they had the money, but what they're going to DO

Just make sure you note everything that's said (or better still take along an advocate to do it) because you'll need proof that you've gone through all the steps when escalating this

No they aren’t but it does seem to vary massively between schools and how they deal with things. My son had loads of exclusions when he was in mainstream, some for really minor stuff that nt kids would have just got a warning for

What do you mean by 'untouchable'. What would you do about the child with SEN? The problem lies with the support system, not the child. This type of behaviour is a result of a disability, coupled with wholly unsuitable supports and environments.

Ignorance at its finest.

You clearly have no idea how difficult it is to get additional needs or disabilities recognised and supported.

Not in my experience.

This post is full of so many ignorant, clueless people.

ihmlsnwidhks
Im a mum of a violent sen child at mainstream. What would you like to see”

for her child not to be attacked on a regular basis, presumably.
would you tolerate physical violence in the workplace?

@blinkybilll they are supported often at the expense of every other child's education and safety.