DS Bullied By Child with SEN

[ellie21]

My son who is at a mainstream Primary School is being bullied by another child who is undergoing assessment for ADD.
Initially this was low level bullying ( name calling etc) but has developed into threats of violence. In the last two weeks he has been physically assaulted three times by this child. The school have confirmed that this is one sided and is happening to other students too.
I have been into school a number of times to talk to staff and whereas they are sympathetic they say they have a duty of care to the child with SEN as he is struggling to cope at school.
AIBU to think that this is separate issue? I am absolutely furious my child is being hurt.

We need to accept that if we want to provide an education for all our nation's children, a large majority of children will be fine in mainstream education but a considerable number, for whatever reason would be better suited in educational environments specifically centred round their needs. We must also accept that proportionally more money will be spent on such children and that this is justified by giving all children the best chance possible. Some people however are against the idea that particular children get more funds invested in them . They might not openly say that they don't care what happens to these children, whether they receive an education or not, but in my opinion they wouldn't be bothered if the law changed and it wasn't necessary to educate everyone.
Whilst I agree that no one child is more important than another, therefore a child with Sen has no more right to an appropriate education than a child without, I don't feel hard done by thinking that a child will Sen needs a lot more spent on them to access this education. In my opinion this is for the good of the whole of society, but honestly not everyone thinks like this. The idea behind inclusion might have been a good one, but it can't work in all circumstances and it shouldn't be a money saving trick. We need to listen to our teachers and parents of all children and what they are telling us. If they say things aren't working then we, as a society should try to make changes.

@Bookworm20 similar things were put in place at our school, where the victim of the day was allowed to pick a mate and stay indoors for lunchtime
Meanwhile the other child was able to fully enjoy his lunchtime assaulting a new and exciting victim.
We withdrew our son for a week after he needed stitches in his face because we didn't believe the school could or even wanted to keep the other children safe. The day we sent him back he was knocked unconscious with a branch and another child was sent to A&E for facial injuries.
It's unbelievable it had to come to that-parents were visiting the head about this problem daily. For years. It's only when we all went in together and threatened legal action, alerting the press, literally ANYTHING we could think of to get them to change that they finally did. And it was the best thing for ALL the children. When this kid finally got a consequence it stopped him in his tracks. He's quite pleasant now.

@DemBonesDemBones
Thats horrific. I just can't understand why schools do not give consequences for this stuff. As far as i'm concerned my ds school failed both my ds and this other child. And anyone who had the misfortune to feel his wrath.
Consequences should have been had and followed up with further consequences if it continued. Its totally baffling to me how the schools don't see, after 2 years of failing to sort it that what they are doing isn't bloody working.
Kids respond to consequences eventually, some sooner than others. But having none just makes no sense at all.

to me though this sounds like actual bullying rather than sen behaviour. Obviously I can’t vouch for all but my experience of sen kids lashing out due to sensory overload or similar they will lash at whoever happens to be there at the time, this sounds like it’s targeted and pre meditated

This thread reminds me why I hate people.

I have two children with SEN. By luck neither of mine are violent. Well not in the school environment at least and for that I am thankful.

The ignorance here is outstanding! The sheer amount of posters advocating for throwing children with SEN under the bus when it’s not there fault either. They are victims to the local authority, austerity and budget cuts. Every child has a right to an education.

Its not easy to get a child with a diagnosis into specialist provision. My daughter will need specialist provision. It’s only a matter of time as both dd and the school are only coping due to her being in nursery so short hours. She has a ehcp, the local authority have received reports from the senco stating her needs are complex and it’s not the right setting for her yet they won’t move her. There reasoning is until they try they can’t know that she won’t be ok in mainstream. She is four, non verbal, not toilet trained with very little functioning understanding. As mentioned, luckily not violent to anyone but herself but will emit a blood curdling scream when distressed.

Would I remove her if her needs became the detriment of other children?
Absolutely not!

Removing her would only take the problem away from the local authority. She needs the chance to progress in her own way, the chance to learn how to socialise. Keeping her home would remove the chance of her ever having that. I’d like to think it would get the ball rolling for a place in a better suited placement but nothing surprises me anymore.

To al the people calling to remove the ‘problematic’ children for the good of the many. I doubt you’d feel the same if it was your own child’s development you’d be flushing down the toilet.

@Confusedandalone123 if you read the thread you'd see a lot of people saying violent children should not be in a setting where they can attack other children have SEN children themselves...

This

Yup. Because their 'need' to play football after punching your son is everybody's responsibility apparently.

Violent children should be separated from non violent children. Sen is irrelevant. Your sen child is not my child's problem when they are being battered and traumatised and you're a shit fucking parent and person to inflict violence on other children because of your children's 'needs.'

---

'needs' is enough to tell me what kind of person you are.

Parents of SEN children are far from 'shit fucking parents'.

@blinkybilll well some are-it's clear to see on this thread!

The thing is though you don’t know she or any other sen child will become violent if needs aren’t met. My child wasn’t violent at all in nursery or reception. Things started going wrong in year one and he was having meltdowns and not coping but wasn’t being violent and should have really got support at that point. Instead we had delays and a tribunal appeal and he didn’t get an ehcp till year 3 by which time things had gradually started to escalate. He’s now in specialist and doing well but it’s disgraceful for all children concerned both nt and sen that they have to go through all this to prove they need support or specialist when it’s blindingly obvious

I had this with dd1's tormentor. Rewarded for spending a single moment of the day without kicking seven shades of shite out of other kids and got star of the week that week. The only threat that worked with the school was me telling them I would be keeping her home and like shite would it be unauthorised and if she dared I'd be straight to the Lea. Things calmed down after that a new victim was found no doubt

You have such a chip on your shoulder. Having a sen child doesn't make you a shit. Letting your sen terrify, batter and traumatise other children makes you a shit parent. Sorry that's hard for you but that's just life. Majority of people agree but they're too afraid of the cries of 'ableism!' to publicly say so.

If your child is violent and you continue to send them to places where they hurt people and this hits a nerve, tough.

@emmakenny with statements like this , respectfully you're not coming across like parent of the year either.
And your grasp of this situation and the system which fails to support it is to put it politely, horrendously lacking.

I'm definitely n

Definitely not parent of the year. I'm just a parent who want their children to be safe even if that means a sen child has to be told off, separated, sent somewhere else. I don't care. I want my child's needs to be as important as yours.

👏🏻

@DoubleShotEspresso I don't like this entitlement. I have an SEN child so I know the system. If I didn't I wouldn't. Why do you think everyone should learn about it?! They just want to keep their own kids safe, same as you. They're not asking you to read up on long term psychological damage caused by violent attacks by SEN children and their school failing to keep them safe. You demand a lot of empathy without being prepared to show any to anyone else.

@emmakenny you really see things in black and white don't you?
If a school is not able to meet the needs of a Sen child then the school is failing that child. The parents could be the best pare

Parents in the world but they can't control what school does. Nor can they just move schools as it is more complicated for a Sen child to change school. Yes they can home school but only if they can afford to. It's really not that simple and the reality is the government need to do better for Sen children as they are currently failing them.

@emmakenny we agree on one thing most definitely.
Please reread your own post here :
Definitely not parent of the year. I'm just a parent who want their children to be safe even if that means a sen child has to be told off, separated, sent somewhere else. I don't care. I want my child's needs to be as important as yours.

You want another child excluded.
You don't care.
And by this happening you actually think the excluded child is somehow "more important"?

Can you not see the lack of logic in your own entitled idiocy?

I'm demanding nothing but the existing law in place be applied.
If you know the system you'll fully understand this.

👏🏻

All I've been saying all along.

In a situation like this ALL parents should be compelling the school to take appropriate action.

I don't think anyone is saying this situation is the FAULT of the parent(s) of the SEN child any more than it is that child's fault. But those parents should also be demanding the school takes action, just as the parents of the victim are.

In my own experience, the parent of the boy who assaulted my child was wholly disinterested, considered any child he hit had it coming and refused to attend any meetings or discussions at school or agree any behavioural sanctions because 'my boy can't help it, he's got special needs ain't he'.

As I said, it was coincidental those special needs meant he only ever physically attacked those smaller than him. And that when he went to secondary school (where 95% of kids were bigger than him) his violent issues miraculously resolved.

Well I'm sure no one knows the system as well as you. I'm guessing we've found the poster with the violent child. I wont engage further.