AIBU to just feel like crying?

[Tryingnottocry22]

I was really looking forward to spending the day today with my BF and DD. We decided to go down to the beach. I suggested we get an ice cream and my DD could play on the beach.

So we planned to meet at 1pm. W were running a bit late and I let him know then messaged when we were leaving. The place we were meeting took equal time to travel to for both of us. My DD and I were waiting there. We were getting very hot as there wasn't any shade. We waited 20 min and then phoned to say he was so sorry the time on his Xbox wasn't working and he thought it was earlier. He said he was heading off but ended up walking the wrong way so we had to wait another 30min rather than 10 min! Not a good start. But once he arrived we began walking to the ice cream parlour. He then said he wanted to get a meal. So I said we could go to one of the nearby cafes. It was a bit annoying as I thought it was going to be a cheap day and the cafes are quite expensive but decided to make the best of it. So we went in a cafe and ordered some food. We came on to discussing why he was late. I couldn't understand why he didn't just leave when I said I was so we would be there at the same time. But he got exasperated with me keeping on reiterating the time on his Xbox was wrong.

Anyway, we changed the subject and had a pleasant chat. After our meal we went over to the beach, got DD an ice cream and were about to go on the sand. BF said he needed to buy cigarettes. There is no where on the seafront to buy cigarettes! So I suggested we walk further up the beach nearer the high st so we could go on the beach and he could go and get cigarettes. We finally got there and he decided actually he didn't want cigarettes. I snapped at him about this and he accused me of wanting to have a cigarette and that's why I was annoyed (I sometimes have the odd cigarette around him but generally don't smoke). Some cross words ensued and he stormed off. DD was a bit worried about what had happened, understandably and I'd had enough so after a short while we decided to go home. We waited for the lift to the top of the cliffs. When we were in the lift I could see him frantically running up the steps and we both arrived at the top at the same time. He was close to tears, said he'd come back looking for us. He apologised profusely.

By this point I just felt like crying. I feel like he is always so defensive. Like I was trying to figure out what happened with him being late, but I feel he is so ready to fight back he doesn't really listen to what I'm asking. Or like with the cigarettes he turns it round onto me. I just wanted my DD to have a nice day on the beach. I've apologised to her (as has BF) and BF got her some sweets on the way home so she was happy. We just don't seem to be able to communicate. Can things improve or is it best to just break up. I love him very much and he has a very kind heart. He had a bad childhood so I think never learnt healthy ways to communicate. I just feel so sad about it.

He had dropped his phone in a cup of tea! Apologies I forgot to point that out in the OP. So we were stuck waiting at the meeting point. When he rung to say he was coming I only expected him to be another 10 min or I agree it would have been sensible to go down to the beach and meet him there.

Re:food and cigarettes - I know I should have pushed it back to him. You're right he could have sorted food for himself. He did initially want us to come with him to get the cigarettes as he would have had to walk quite far to get them and didn't want to then walk all the way back to us hence me suggesting a compromise. He doesn't have DC of his own and I think he doesn't always realise that DD has her own wants/needs and we shouldn't expect her to spend the day just trailing after the adults.

Thank you, I will speak to him when I see him tomorrow about us both being clearer in our communication to each other.

Why did he need to be there? You was taking your child out for a fun day and let her down by worrying about a man, he was late, so?
He wanted to eat.. let him go and eat ..
He wanted cigarettes the let him go get them, why has your daughter had to be put out over all this then taken home early? And you’re the one that wants to cry?
Teaching her that a man can do what he wants and if he buys you something (sweets) then it’s ok if he ruins the whole day.

You both sound really immature and next time leave him home and spend time with your kid instead of running after a man, it reads really pathetic tbh.

I have no idea why you pandered to him, you should have followed your plan with your daughter and let him fit around you. You did the opposite, if you bother with him again (I wouldn’t) be firm about your plans.

Also the running up the stairs crying is so unattractive and manipulative, I feel sorry for your child

Yes, we were meeting in the afternoon for ice cream so DD and I had already had lunch and yes, he changed his mind about cigarettes after we'd walked 30 min down the seafront so he could get some.

And yes, I quizzed him, even though he has apologised to be fair. But I just wondered what had really happened as his explanation didn't make sense. I wasn't cross or anything at this point but perhaps he thought I was.

Unfortunately, I had to stay at the meeting point as I couldn't contact him due to his broken phone. But yes, you are right he is allowed to want lunch and can change his mind.

I would set some boundaries for future dates, he doesn't even appreciate that you went out of your way for him and ruined you and your daughters day out

South East 🏖Wishing you some sunny weather!

I thought I had let it go...but maybe I hadn't! We've been together for a couple of years.

Thank you. I feel terribly guilty, tbh. I know I didn't put her first today.

How do you drop your phone in a cup of tea?

I don't know! I try to be relaxed and go with the flow. But I know I'm getting it wrong.

Thank you for your honesty.

You didn’t HAVE to wait an hour for him, you decided to prioritise him over your child having a good day.

Sorry if it sounds harsh but yes he acted awfully but you need to take responsibility that you’re the one that put him 1st today and disappointed her by pandering to his every need. I’m sure he would have found you eventually and if not who cares, it’s about your kid having fun at the beach not him..

Oh dear. I think I can be immature but I don't want to be!

Your poor daughter has had a pretty crappy day - waiting around for this lowlife in the sun because he was clearly too into his game, traipsing around for cigarettes, listening to arguments?!

I don't. But I want to. My DD deserves that, I know.

Sorry but I agree you really let your dd down today. I think for her sake you need to end this relationship or at the very least agree to only see each other when she isn’t there. Poor kid was expecting the beach and ice cream and spent an hour sat waiting, followed by going for a meal she didn’t want, followed by a 30 minute walk, followed by witnessing an argument.

pretty crappy for the poor kid

Why did he need to be there? You was taking your child out for a fun day and let her down by worrying about a man, he was late, so?
He wanted to eat.. let him go and eat ..
He wanted cigarettes the let him go get them, why has your daughter had to be put out over all this then taken home early? And you’re the one that wants to cry?
Teaching her that a man can do what he wants and if he buys you something (sweets) then it’s ok if he ruins the whole day.
*
Couldn't agree more*

I'm confused OP, you said his phone was broken and then said he rang you about being late???

Oh, gosh! I don't have 'boyfriends' though, this is the only one since I broke up with her dad. She adores him, though and they have a good relationship. But she was upset when he left the beach today.

If he is not your DD dad then you need to sack this one off. And learn how to stand up for your DD and yourself.
What a sad day today turned out to be for her. Learn from this and find better for you and her.

Have a cry, then cut your losses. Life is Too short for this bull shit. He ruined a nice day for you and your DD and their are plenty more frogs in the pond, let this one hop off

Don't beat yourself up about today anymore. You know you messed up, but everyone does from time to time. You obviously feel bad about it, so you'll learn from it and I doubt it'll happen again. I stayed with a guy similar to how you describe for way too long when I had young dc from a previous relationship. And my god the guilt I still feel many years later for the amount of days that were ruined because of him/my choice to stay with him. Please don't do what I did. Dump the guy and move on and enjoy life with your dd. Or, give him a chance, put some boundaries in place, and see what happens. But always put your dd first.

I think you need to work on priorising your DD. That way your boundaries will change with your BF anyway, if he responds well to that then great but if he doesn't then it's not going anywhere is it.

Perhaps, I don't know re: Xbox. DD and I are going to do beach day take 2 on Friday after school and hopefully I'll make a better job of it.

Thank you. I think you could be right.