AIBU to just feel like crying?

[Tryingnottocry22]

I was really looking forward to spending the day today with my BF and DD. We decided to go down to the beach. I suggested we get an ice cream and my DD could play on the beach.

So we planned to meet at 1pm. W were running a bit late and I let him know then messaged when we were leaving. The place we were meeting took equal time to travel to for both of us. My DD and I were waiting there. We were getting very hot as there wasn't any shade. We waited 20 min and then phoned to say he was so sorry the time on his Xbox wasn't working and he thought it was earlier. He said he was heading off but ended up walking the wrong way so we had to wait another 30min rather than 10 min! Not a good start. But once he arrived we began walking to the ice cream parlour. He then said he wanted to get a meal. So I said we could go to one of the nearby cafes. It was a bit annoying as I thought it was going to be a cheap day and the cafes are quite expensive but decided to make the best of it. So we went in a cafe and ordered some food. We came on to discussing why he was late. I couldn't understand why he didn't just leave when I said I was so we would be there at the same time. But he got exasperated with me keeping on reiterating the time on his Xbox was wrong.

Anyway, we changed the subject and had a pleasant chat. After our meal we went over to the beach, got DD an ice cream and were about to go on the sand. BF said he needed to buy cigarettes. There is no where on the seafront to buy cigarettes! So I suggested we walk further up the beach nearer the high st so we could go on the beach and he could go and get cigarettes. We finally got there and he decided actually he didn't want cigarettes. I snapped at him about this and he accused me of wanting to have a cigarette and that's why I was annoyed (I sometimes have the odd cigarette around him but generally don't smoke). Some cross words ensued and he stormed off. DD was a bit worried about what had happened, understandably and I'd had enough so after a short while we decided to go home. We waited for the lift to the top of the cliffs. When we were in the lift I could see him frantically running up the steps and we both arrived at the top at the same time. He was close to tears, said he'd come back looking for us. He apologised profusely.

By this point I just felt like crying. I feel like he is always so defensive. Like I was trying to figure out what happened with him being late, but I feel he is so ready to fight back he doesn't really listen to what I'm asking. Or like with the cigarettes he turns it round onto me. I just wanted my DD to have a nice day on the beach. I've apologised to her (as has BF) and BF got her some sweets on the way home so she was happy. We just don't seem to be able to communicate. Can things improve or is it best to just break up. I love him very much and he has a very kind heart. He had a bad childhood so I think never learnt healthy ways to communicate. I just feel so sad about it.

Also MN as a whole seems to be anti-gaming for some reason, instead of seeing it as another hobby or interest. I game, my DH games, my friends game. There’s a weird opinion on here that’s it’s somehow infantile (as opposed to hitting a ball with a stick) but it is the largest entertainment industry and in my line of work, our best people are also often gamers as there’s a lot of transferable skills.

Oh dear, really? No, he doesn't live with parents he has his own place. I think it seems we are both a bit immature.

@Tryingnottocry22 I don't agree with people saying you were both as bad as each other. Maybe you didn't handle things perfectly, but that's an unrealistic expectation: we can't be perfect all the time. I think he was the one who was truly inconsiderate of you and DD. You should prioritise yourself and her more in the future, and try to ignore those in the thread who are excusing him so they can blame you x

Yes, I completely agree! Loads of adults game - so what?

Thank you, I will.

Is he in a training programme for a medical specialty yet or is he still doing his foundation years? Because if he's quite new to actually practising medicine then maybe he's stressed by work. Not an excuse exactly but could maybe explain his behaviour.

This and no it doesn't.

I honestly think some people are just close minded or in a weird bubble on here sometimes where they’re a little removed from the real world, where they think gamers are just weird unemployed loners sat in their parents basements and not the average person pursuing a genuine hobby (and some people making a fortune from it too)

He's on a training programme. Yes, I do think he is finding it stressful.

I don't think it's so much that people hate gaming.
It's more the confusion that came across because it originally sounded like he was late because he was on the Playstation, which is just selfish when he knew they were leaving ( because she left a message on the landline), instead of making his way to the meeting point. But apparently he wasn't gaming, but using the malfunctioning playstation as a clock and didn't realise the time.

And one of the reasons OP brought up the whole subject with him in the cafe, which caused him to get annoyed, was because she, like most of the pp on here didn't understand the playstation/clock/glitch.
I feel like he was late, but people can be late, but then he kept changing the planned day out and then lost his temper and stormed off. Which was childish. And I also read somewhere, not sure if this is right, is that this day out was OPs birthday? which makes it even worse on his part. What effort did he even put into the day, late, unprepared, demanding cigs and then arguing. They would have had a better day without him

Yes, I find it funny. There are thousands of people you might meet who you think are pretty alright - career, friends, nice home etc. But the minute you find out they might play Sky Rim - well, they must be a loser! 😆And it's even worse if they don't wear a watch or have broken their phone - double loser!

I know what you’re saying but a few posters have written ‘so he was gaming (shudder)’ and ‘so he plays Xbox, smokes etc. what a catch’ - words to that effect, so it is very anti-gaming (which it is on here a lot I’ve noticed) A lot of MNers see gaming as synonymous with lazy waster and to be honest it’s a really incorrect and dated view but I’ll shut up now as don’t want to derail OP’s thread anymore - even though it’s slightly related 😊😊😊

But OP if he actually is a doctor then he must need either a phone or a watch to tell the time if he's not at home. And surely at the very least a clock somewhere in his house for when he's got to be somewhere.

He had the Xbox on as that was how we were communicating. I messaged him on Xbox to say we were leaving. It wasn't so much I didn't understand the Xbox telling the wrong time (it was due to WiFi going off). It was why he didn't leave at the same time I said we were leaving as it was going to take us both the same amount of time to get there!

It wasn't my birthday! Would have been even more annoyed if it was! But even so he should have put some effort in, like you say.

I'm surprised this is still going. I wondered what new information could possibly be keeping it going, but there is none! It's just loads of people saying the same things and making wrong assumptions, over and over again.

How many times are people going to criticise him for gaming (he wasn't), for being thick and going the wrong way (he's not thick he's a doctor), for having no phone (it's broken but he's sorting it today) and for having no money (op says he's got plenty of money).

If op says he's usually lovely and prioritises her and dd, but that he had an 'off day' yesterday then why don't people believe her? I wouldn't end a happy relationship because of one bad day out.

They had a rubbish day, he redeemed himself a bit, op and dd are having another day out instead, op has rationalised it all and settled on a course of action so that's that isn't it?

He actually is a doctor! He usually has a phone. He uses his phone/ Xbox to tell the time at home. I do the same plus use my Alexa.

I think you're right, thank you. That's that!

But the Xbox didn't give the right time did it? He seems a bit lackadaisical to me, I'm afraid I would find it rather irritating.

No, it didn't. Same as a phone or Alexa could do the same if the WiFi was disconnected. It's not a problem the vast majority of the time. But maybe a clock in the house (for both of us,) could be a good idea.

I don't think a phone would do the same if wifi went off.
I just find it quite bizarre that you put a post with quite a few issues and now you seem to be justifying his behaviour. Your choice though obviously.

I'm not going to lie about things just to make him seem worse. My phone and my Alexa have definitely been affected if they can't connect to WIFi as that's how they tell the time (except if data is being used). But that's beside the point. He usually has his phone. He was late not on purpose but it was still annoying. However, as I thought I made clear the thing that bothered me most which was when I snapped was we'd walked, instead of going on the beach, to get him cigarettes and then he decided against it (no idea why!) and when I was annoyed he said it was because I wanted a cigarette!

I'm not suggesting you're lying about him.
However, these days, phones simply are not affected by wifi going off. But I will leave it there and hope you have a nice time with your DD on Friday.

Maybe mumsnet is a bit antigaming because there are a fair few threads complaining about people in their lives being addicted to it, much like anti drinking threads

My WiFi goes off loads and it's never affected the time on my Xbox

I have often spent a fair bit of time out of range of both wifi and mobile phone signal (i.e. remote areas where only a satellite phone could be used). This has been over the course of the past 2 decades, and I've had a variety of makes/models of mobile phone in that period.

Having no access to signal/wifi/data has literally never affected the clock on my phone.