Would you consider this a difficult/ long commute?

[APlaceOnEarths]

Having a bit of a debate with DH who is from zone 2 of london. Last year we moved to the Home Counties from central london for all the usual reasons, being able to afford to buy a house, wanting more space, a garden, schools etc. We have one young DC.

He is always moaning about his commute (despite him being very involved in choosing the area we are in) and it's really dragging me down. What should have been a celebration for us as a family (we haven't owned before) he's turned into a negative event as he's "had to leave london".

We live 3 mikes from a mainline station so we either cycle (15mins) or drive (just under 10mins) to the station. There are trains every 20 mins which take 25 mins into Marylebone. Yesterday I cycled to the station, got the train and was having a coffee on carnaby street 50 mins after leaving my house.

He works in different areas of london on different days so sometimes near Marylebone and sometimes not, but he calls where we live "the sticks" and acts like he's made some huge sacrifice by living "so far away".

AIBU to think he's being melodramatic and miserable?

Sounds fine to me.

Sounds a pretty bog standard commute to me - on the easy side tbh. He’s being a drama lama!

Takes me the same amount of time to travel to work across the city I live in, which includes a walk to the public transport of about 15mins - that’s totally normal.

I wouldn’t consider that a difficult commute, especially as he presumably knew what he’d signed up for.

Sounds crap to me, but that’s why I stick to central London!

He is BU to decide to move then moan about it.

My stipulation has always been I need to live walking distance to the station so I wouldn't have moved there personally

Whilst I think your DH is right in the sense that relying on infrequent trains (compared with the tube) that run to a timetable is much more of a pain in the backside than living in London, surely this is the sacrifice he'd agreed to make in order to get all the other things you mention?

Well I was born & raised in Z3 & always allow 50 mins into Z1 so seems fine to me.

I’ve worked in London my whole career, and for the majority commuting from Herts, and my commute is an hour door to door, which is very standard for everyone I’ve ever worked with. Younger colleagues sometimes live in zones 2-3 in flatshares, and so sometimes have shorter commutes, but anyone with a family tends to live out.

However, I’m sick to death of the commute after 20 years of doing it, and so was hugely relieved to be forced to work from home during covid. So I do have some sympathy in principle with your DH. But why didn’t he say all this before he agreed to move out of London with you?

I think it's one thing to do it for a chill coffee a few times a week and another twice a day + another what 10-50mins commute on tube/bus/walking in London to go to whatever site he works at. Add that min 1hrs x 2 to an 8hrs work day daily and I too would be moaning.

If you can time it right and the trains are reliable, it sounds fine. We live in the home counties but our house is walking distance from the station.

My commute from zone 3 used to take just as long tbh. The difference is a) the cost! And b) when things go wrong, trains are cancelled or mucked up the alternative methods of getting to work are limited and more complicated.

Sounds like an easy commute. Does he have to do it every day? Is the moaning a recent thing? As in was wfh but now commuting 5 days a week?

Sounds completely fine.

Trains running every 20 mins instead of the tube does require a different mindset in terms of planning your journey, but it's still a very regular service in reality.

I think you have struck a great balance - I though the commute was going to be upwards of 2 hours.

He has discovered he doesn't like commuting, which is fair enough,
but it's not clear why he thinks he has been forced into it when you made the decision jointly

It’s definitely not long and doesn’t sound arduous. Personally I wouldn’t want to live somewhere I couldn’t walk to the station though.

Yeah fine. But he helped choose the area and presumably wasn’t marched kicking and screaming to their new house.

Normal for the Home Counties/Thames Valley area. If it makes you feel any better my DH was like this. It drove me mad. Exactly the same, would complain about the commute. Would comment about, "when we have enough money I think we should buy a flat in London". I have always commute for work all round the country so I had little sympathy.

To be honest it probably took him a few years to stop moaning. He now loves where we live. Is really involved in several clubs. Every so often I remind him of what an idiot he was (he agrees he was an idiot).

I live in z6 and would be happy with a 50 minute trip to Central tbh

so door to door if he times it right, 40 mins? and possibly some commuting in London he would have anyway? He is having a laugh.

I live in the north and anything up to 1hour is very normal for an IT job £45k - £65k. If u were on £100k expect 1.5hours+

I assume his london job is highly paid (ie london prices) therefore 1hour seems great!

Is the Home Counties not all it was cracked up to be? Is it something else really?

My commute is either a city location 2 hour drive away with extremely limited and expensive parking, or a 35 min drive to train station, 2 hour train and 20-30 min tube journey. 🤷🏻‍♀️

3 miles from your home station would be the bit that'd really piss me off. My commute is an hour door to door and I bet I live a lot closer to my nearest major city than you are from central London. But it really does start to get on your nerves day in day, especially when it goes wrong. But he agreed to the move so...

It's not fun - I did it for 15 years pre-Covid - but it's necessary to buy a decent-sized house unless you're very rich. I would say under an hour into London is really good, tbh. It takes an hour to get across London!

I wonder if his colleagues or friends are ribbing him about having moved out of town?

It sounds ok to me. My commute door to door is 2 hours.

I live in London and my commute is 1hr 15 mins. He was part of the decision. He has to get on with it