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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you consider this a difficult/ long commute?

146 replies

APlaceOnEarths · 02/05/2022 18:19

Having a bit of a debate with DH who is from zone 2 of london. Last year we moved to the Home Counties from central london for all the usual reasons, being able to afford to buy a house, wanting more space, a garden, schools etc. We have one young DC.

He is always moaning about his commute (despite him being very involved in choosing the area we are in) and it's really dragging me down. What should have been a celebration for us as a family (we haven't owned before) he's turned into a negative event as he's "had to leave london".

We live 3 mikes from a mainline station so we either cycle (15mins) or drive (just under 10mins) to the station. There are trains every 20 mins which take 25 mins into Marylebone. Yesterday I cycled to the station, got the train and was having a coffee on carnaby street 50 mins after leaving my house.

He works in different areas of london on different days so sometimes near Marylebone and sometimes not, but he calls where we live "the sticks" and acts like he's made some huge sacrifice by living "so far away".

AIBU to think he's being melodramatic and miserable?

OP posts:
WibblyWobblyLane · 02/05/2022 22:08

My commute is 90 minutes each way and I hate it. I do it because I can't afford to live closer to work, but I really miss the ease and lifestyle of living in London.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 02/05/2022 22:08

DHs commute is currently 4hrs. However he does one way on a Sunday, the other on a Thursday...

1hr is a pretty standard time. But it is easy for it to feel like a waste. So its up to him to find a solution... working 4 longer days, or seeing if he can work from home one day. I presume you had good reason for moving out, so concentrate on them

DelilahBucket · 02/05/2022 22:21

Sounds fine to me. He should count himself lucky he had good travel connections locally. I used to leave my house at 6:05am for an 8am start. Two very long bus journeys as there was no other route available.

JingsWullie · 02/05/2022 22:25

Sounds fine if all you have to do with your day is drink coffee in Marylebone.

If on the other hand you have a demanding schedule which involves being in different parts of London at set times in order to not lose your job in reliance on the whims of the poor and expensive public transport we have in this country then it's a different matter.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/05/2022 22:30

OneTC · 02/05/2022 18:35

I live in z6 and would be happy with a 50 minute trip to Central tbh Grin

A trip from Z6 to Z4/5 taking under that time would be an achievement after 6.20am.

He's got the equivalent of blisters from his diamond shoes, that one.

ThinWomansBrain · 02/05/2022 22:35

I'm fortunate to live in zone 1 - I've had a fair few wallk to work jobs, but also one or two also zone 1, where I've had to allow 40 minutes.
He must have been aware when you were purchasing the house - if he didn't want the commute he should have said so befor you moved - needs to stop griping.

Parentcarerandcrazy · 02/05/2022 22:36

He's being overly dramatic about it. IMO, anything up to an hour is reasonable.

In my last job, I had a 15 minute walk to the bus station and then a 30-45 bus journey to work, and 5 minute walk at the other end. It was tedious some days but such is life.

parietal · 02/05/2022 22:37

how often does he actually work within walking distance of Marylebone? and how often does he have an extra 45 mins of packed tubes / buses on top of the regular commute? that makes a big difference.

commuting is horrible so you can certainly make lots of sympathetic noises but don't actively do anything to change things. Let him work out how to fix stuff.

BigDaddio · 02/05/2022 22:38

When I lived in London with my parents we were in zone 4 so commuting to Central London was a 15 min walk to tube plus 40 min on tube or 5 min to BR then 40 min journey (depending on connections) I could cycle it (depending on where I was heading) in 45 min. So pretty standard....Think he is just in shock from the change to his cushy commute previously !

FancyFelix · 02/05/2022 22:43

I moved from zone 2 to where it sounds like you are OP (GX? beaconsfield??). My commute went from 40 minutes average to what you've described, so it was a bit longer, but so much more predictable. More importantly, it was so much more pleasant! A seat on the train, plus quieter tubes from Marylebone or baker st.

He's being a total drama queen.

Mellowyellow222 · 02/05/2022 22:48

he Can’t spend the rest of his working life moaning about his commute.

it sounds manageable - but he clearly doesn’t enjoy it.

what does he want you to do about it? Does he want to sell up and move back? Does he want to change jobs? Ask him what his solution is - I can’t stand someone constantly complaining but not trying to fix the problem.

hashbrownsandwich · 02/05/2022 22:51

Sounds like hell to me. I'm at least an hour by train and 15 minutes from the departing station, on any London route. Even that's too close in my opinion.

Rrrunrunrunrunrun · 02/05/2022 22:58

Sounds fine. I live in zone 4 and have a 1hr20 commute. Would move for more space/ cheaper house and a 50 min commute in a heartbeat!

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 02/05/2022 23:03

Absolutely pathetic, my last job was a two hour drive there and a two hour drive back in busy traffic.
My current NHS job involves driving all over Somerset up to 4 hours a day.
Tell him moaners aren't attractive at all.

choosername1234 · 02/05/2022 23:09

How did you get to Carnaby St so quickly from Marylebone? It's a good 30 min walk. According to your timetable you would have had 5 mins to get there from the station (misses point of thread)

FancyFelix · 02/05/2022 23:11

choosername1234 · 02/05/2022 23:09

How did you get to Carnaby St so quickly from Marylebone? It's a good 30 min walk. According to your timetable you would have had 5 mins to get there from the station (misses point of thread)

Tube to Oxford Circus?

daisyjgrey · 02/05/2022 23:13

It's fine, he's being a twat.

fourplusfour · 02/05/2022 23:14

I don't think it sounds too bad. DD (14) has a similar journey to school.

Chaoslatte · 02/05/2022 23:16

Normal and depending where you went, parts of zone 2 wouldn’t be any quicker anyway!

RampantIvy · 02/05/2022 23:23

I commuted from zone 5 to Finsbury Square for a year, then to Oxford Street for another year. I had a 20 minute walk, a 25 minute train journey, two stops on the tube and a walk at the other end. It was my normal.

I have never lived close to my work place. My office is 24 miles away.

Concestor · 02/05/2022 23:27

Well isn't he a delicate flower! I used to commute to London, it was 2 hours each way, living on a branch line with one train an hour, and connecting trains home often messed up.
Your husband sounds like mine, he thinks driving an hour or more is just the worst and will only do it once a week maximum, bless him. He's always exhausted when he gets home from a day working away from home, it's hilarious.
An hour is a perfectly acceptable commute especially with such regular trains. Sounds like luxury, frankly!

Happyhappyday · 02/05/2022 23:40

I had a worse commute when I lived in zone 2! 10 minute walk to station, fight my way into train, ohhh southern railway cancelled again, wait 20 minutes, REALLY shove my way on. Off 4 mins later, switch to tube, fight my way home, ride 20 mins, off and 5 min walk to work.

That said if DH made me move to the suburbs I just wouldn’t. We were able to afford a house in a very walkable neighborhood so fortunately dodged the bullet…

Hexen · 02/05/2022 23:44

At the mention of all these tube stations I keep wanting to call Mornington Crescent!

but anyway. I’m Rural NE, and that’s a piece of piss commute compared to the average for non urban north. Wait till the trains are one an hour…IF they bother to show at all. And by then you’ve missed the only bus for the week.

KatherineJaneway · 02/05/2022 23:59

Sounds like he didn't appreciate the reality of what he signed up to. Big shock to suddenly be the person who has to leave at 10:30pm to get the last train home

Italiangreyhound · 03/05/2022 00:02

That's not a long commute at all.