That social services should leave me alone??

[RubyViola]

Social services have recently been involved due to my ex who was abusive stalking and harassing me. I moved 4 times and each time he found my new address.

This has been going on since I left him in February 2020 when our son was 9 months old. I have done literally everything I can to get help and it took the police 2 years to actually do anything. He was arrested 6 times but let go every time despite the fact the police had deemed him high risk. He has finally been charged and found guilty and is awaiting sentencing in the next few weeks.

I was initially happy that social services became involved as I was hoping it would help push the police but as it happened they were unable to actually do anything. They have put my son on a child protection order under neglect and initially stated that once he had been charged it would be stepped down to child in need.

The social worker comes twice a month and as they have no concerns about my parenting we have absolutely nothing to talk about. I work full time and am sick of having to take an hour off work usually on a Monday morning to talk about the weather. It's a waste of all of our time and surely her time could be better spent elsewhere.

My sons father has completely ruined the first few years of his life and now I feel ready to move on and start to enjoy life again I feel like this is holding me back. Every time the social worker calls it's like a reminder of everything he put us through and I just want to cry and scream. They have done nothing to help us and I just want them to fuck off and let me move on from this.

Is there any way I can legally disengage or dispute the child protection plan without looking bad? I would be more than happy to work with them if my son was at risk but I really feel that right now there causing more harm than good.

Have you asked why your child is still at CP? Have you completed all the actions in the CP plan? Your social worker can answer these for you.

@HarrietSchulenberg Yes, they said because there could still be a risk if he isn't given a custodial sentence. He is on a 2 year suspended sentence from a stalking conviction against me so this is impossible. He has been remanded and I have explicitly been told he will be serving a minimum 2 years in custody.

All actions have been completed. The only action given to me was to engage with social services and my IDVA which I have been doing. I don't need anything from either of them and each meeting is just awkward small talk

It sounds like you need to talk to your social worker about a step down to Child In Need.

I don't understand how your child is on this for neglect based on your ex partner (who doesn't see your child and would be more of a physical risk not neglect). This doesn't make sense if your the main care giver.

Did they help you to move?

I don't understand why they've classified it as neglect. It seems from your post that you've taken necessary steps, engaged with police and SW to keep your son safe. There are advocacy services available if you need one.

I would be honest and say you're happy to do it if you must but life has moved on and it's difficult to fit around work commitments when there's no clear benefit.

Why neglect op?
What have you omitted?
Moved 4 times?
SWs are on your child's side op, they are there to make sure your child is safe and you are doing everything you can to keep it that way.

Why not fill in the time you are with them by chatting about the progress your child has made?

Your ex sounds abusive and as children can pick up on things from an early age, they sense atmospheres they hear and see things which is why even if DC are not abused themselves, witnessing abuse or hearing it in the home all counts as child abuse.

Be as open and honest as possible and ask questions so you can understand what they need to see and hear.

SWs in child protection are extremely busy and it must have met a very high threshold for them to be involved at all. Are you downplaying the seriousness of what had happened and what your DC has been witness to?

Not recognising how much danger or dysfunction violence and intimidation can have in the home would be viewed as neglect op.

How did sociaI services get involved in the first place op,was it you who alerted them or neighbours or the school?

If your DC have been subjected to a toxic environment at home, that in itself is viewed unfavourably as difficult as it might be for the DC's point of safety - their mum- to get out of that situation.

Sorry you have been through a horrendous time with your ex op, but SWs are their to make sure DC are safe given how limited their resources are, please don't forget this.

They obviously believe your child is being neglected. Are they underweight? What is your home like? Any clues as to why they think this?

Is there always plenty of food in the cupboards & fridge?
Plenty of clean, correctly fitting clothes & shoes?
Enough toys to keep them occupied?
Clean & tidy home?
Heating & hot water?
Have they/are they ever left alone? (Seems a ludicrous question to ask but sadly, it does happen)

I'm not sure if there are any other criteria SS take into account (besides emotional neglect of course) but I'd imagine if all of the above is met, then they've no grounds to accuse you of neglect. Not physical neglect, anyway.

He has been remanded and I have explicitly been told he will be serving a minimum 2 years in custody.

Unfortunately no one can tell you this categorically until he is convicted and sentence - it’s rarely as simple as you think. He might not be convicted for any number of reasons, and may not receive a custodial sentence for any other number of reasons. I’m guessing they’ll keep the CPO in place until sentencing though you can ask - when’s your next review.

I’m also not understanding the grounds for registration being neglect, surely it would be risk of domestic abuse?

Neglect would come under domestic abuse I know someone jn same situation who left their violent partner but still the children come under neglect . She got a solicitor and now it's been removed have you got anyone legally assisting you?

I'm guessing it is because of failure to protect from the partner? Not necessarily anything OP can have done but remember these actions are child focused on the child's best interests. It isnt OP who is on the plan it is the child and then actions outlined for their care giver to improve the situation.

If there is a risk of a non custodial sentence meaning the risk remains, that is probably why they havent downgraded it OP. In your shoes I would just continue to work with them.

Agree with this

You could ask about a step down to CIN. My child has that and it is 3 monthly contact although can be more if there is a time of particular concern.

When is your next meeting?

How is he finding you are you staying in the same general area?

I would get some legal advice if you can't afford any then Rights of Women might be able to help you, they have an advice line.
There shouldn't have to be a conviction or sentence to get them off child protection. If he has no contact, then your culls doesn't need to be under social services at all, even if your MARAC is still high risk due to how dangerous he is, you're no risk to your child so should be stepped down.

Pfft funny how every time there is SS involvement people immediately assume the OP is doing something wrong. SS make mistakes, and judging by stories heard on this board the threshold isn't nearly as high as people would have you believe. It's definitely higher than in most european countries. In most other situations posters are given the benefit of the doubt at the very least.

That said, the only way to get them to step down is to talk to them, OP. Tell them that you'd like to move on and obviously if there isn't a custodial sentence you may need to start meeting them again but until then is there a necessity ?

It's kind of sad that SS are so powerful and unquestioned that people are scared to ask them this kind of questions for fear of looking bad or like they're not engaging.

When is the next review conference? That will be when the need for the plan is reviewed/ can be ended or stepped down to lesser support. The social worker cannot end the plan, only the child protection chair can make that decision at the review.

Neglect in domestic abuse usually relates the the failure to provide the protection that the child needs for them to be safe.

*should read "the threshold is lower than in most european countries."

In your next review ask them for a plan, what's going to happen when. Ask them what you need to do to work towards No Ss involvement. Ask them to document everything, all the actions, who owns each action and agree you'll review this plan on a bi weekly basis until it's closed.

This is a judgey unhelpful tone to be writing to the victim of male violence in, and suggests a failure to understand how the effects of trauma radiate out into other social relations.

Sorry that relate to the long post from @Newmumatlast

*relates. Gah.

I would hold on for the next review conference. If everything is going well, as you say, they will very likely step it down to CIN or close. You’ll have your views heard at the conference and can ask questions.