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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That social services should leave me alone??

142 replies

RubyViola · 02/05/2022 01:13

Social services have recently been involved due to my ex who was abusive stalking and harassing me. I moved 4 times and each time he found my new address.

This has been going on since I left him in February 2020 when our son was 9 months old. I have done literally everything I can to get help and it took the police 2 years to actually do anything. He was arrested 6 times but let go every time despite the fact the police had deemed him high risk. He has finally been charged and found guilty and is awaiting sentencing in the next few weeks.

I was initially happy that social services became involved as I was hoping it would help push the police but as it happened they were unable to actually do anything. They have put my son on a child protection order under neglect and initially stated that once he had been charged it would be stepped down to child in need.

The social worker comes twice a month and as they have no concerns about my parenting we have absolutely nothing to talk about. I work full time and am sick of having to take an hour off work usually on a Monday morning to talk about the weather. It's a waste of all of our time and surely her time could be better spent elsewhere.

My sons father has completely ruined the first few years of his life and now I feel ready to move on and start to enjoy life again I feel like this is holding me back. Every time the social worker calls it's like a reminder of everything he put us through and I just want to cry and scream. They have done nothing to help us and I just want them to fuck off and let me move on from this.

Is there any way I can legally disengage or dispute the child protection plan without looking bad? I would be more than happy to work with them if my son was at risk but I really feel that right now there causing more harm than good.

OP posts:
Original poster
RubyViola · 02/05/2022 19:59

@Bexy40 I actually did leave the first time he was violent. This will all have been recorded as it was reported and I changed addresses.

He is locked up but still on a CP plan.

I'll ask again about changing the appointments. 4.30 on a Friday does sound perfect..

OP posts:
Original poster
RubyViola · 02/05/2022 20:02

@wishuponastar1988 thanks, I think I'll email the IRO and ask for a meeting, definitely worth a try!

OP posts:
Equalbutdifferent · 02/05/2022 20:16

Flowers Good luck OP.

The misogyny on display on this thread is alarming.

Porkmore · 02/05/2022 22:13

Personally I would call and ask to speak to the team manager/service manager and explain the situation. It's impacting your work which you need to be able to provide for your child, the risks are reduced and even the SW has said there's nothing further to be done. Worth a shot.

kitcat15 · 02/05/2022 22:17

Porkmore · 02/05/2022 22:13

Personally I would call and ask to speak to the team manager/service manager and explain the situation. It's impacting your work which you need to be able to provide for your child, the risks are reduced and even the SW has said there's nothing further to be done. Worth a shot.

A team manager has no authority to step down to a CIN plan….this can only be done at the next Review meeting….and the decision will be made as a majority decision by all members of the MDT who are present….I have been to many CP conferences where the SW has recommended a child in need only for the others to say they feel it meets threshold for CP….so the children have gone onto a CP plan

Porkmore · 03/05/2022 07:04

@kitcat15 No but it puts her case on the radar of someone higher up. I'm a social worker.

tomatoandherbs · 03/05/2022 07:13

Whilst the situation is still ongoing and live
Why wouldn’t you want SS in the background OP?
if they have no issue with you and entirely there because of your ex and your ex is still a live and ongoing issue - I can’t see the problem

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/05/2022 07:15

I agree @Porkmore, the team leader will at very least review the case in supervision, explore the case and support the social worker to arrange visits that are more suitable to the OP. They can also keep an eye out for the report going to the review conference and check the recommendation made by the social worker. The social worker can’t change the meetings needed on a CP plan but they can make life easier for the OP.

I actually did leave the first time he was violent. This will all have been recorded as it was reported and I changed addresses.

I’m guessing the risk arises because he keeps tracking you down. That’s not your fault and the CP plan isn’t a punishment of you - unfortunately it’s the way the law allows local authorities to keep a child at risk on the radar. It should be stepped down once he’s sentenced, I’d be asking for an early review as soon as you know he’s been sentenced.

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/05/2022 07:25

if they have no issue with you and entirely there because of your ex and your ex is still a live and ongoing issue - I can’t see the problem

Social work involvement is intrusive, there’s a stigma attached to being under child protection processes, the OP hasn’t done anything wrong and yet is living with the consequences of her ex’s actions. it’s intruding into her work life - do you fancy telling your work you need to take time off every week for a statutory child protection meeting? It also stops the OP from moving forward in her life, there’s still this process anchoring her to his abuse of her. If folk don’t know the whole story they assume she must be a risk to her child - just look at some of the responses on this thread.

I’m a social worker, I want to be involved in folks life’s for as little time needed, because even with the most positive relationship, there’s a lot of baggage for people having a social worker. It’s ok to want them gone as soon as it’s safe.

PlasticineMeg · 03/05/2022 07:29

This is why I always get prickly when people mention ‘get social services involved’ as advice on here.

you can be the best parent in the world and if your ex isn’t they WILL treat you like you’re the guilty party too. You will shoulder the burden of someone else’s fuck ups. I’ve worked in this field and people don’t even begin to realise just how extreme a SW will go and get barely ever speak to the guilty party, only ever put pressure on the wronged party.

Anyway, my knowledge is a tad rusty as I haven’t worked in that field for a while, and rules may have changed, but it could be that they need all agencies to agree to step down from a CP to CiN at your next Child Protection Confetence - IIRC it’s not just a SS decision, it’s a vote all agencies need to take? Someone correct me if I’m wrong!

DragonOverTheMoon · 03/05/2022 09:22

@PlasticineMeg yes all the agencies involved score the risk to the child out of 10 and it only goes to CIN once it gets above 2. What exactly are they doing to safeguard your child and you from ex? It shouldn't all be on you OP. All thr agencies involved should be working with you pn that.

Neverendingmindfuck · 03/05/2022 10:31

It is my understanding the CHILD has to be seen by a social worker whilst on the order.
I know of children who have been seen at nursery/school, the parent does not always have to be present??
Can you ask for this if they won't/can't reduce the regularity of the visits?

kirinm · 03/05/2022 10:40

Wow there is a lot of victim blaming here and a lot of people making themselves look pretty stupid by not actually reading the OP's posts.

I don't have any useful advice OP but I'm sorry you've had women on this website questioning the abuse you've suffered. I hope your ex receives a long sentence and SS agree to reduce their involvement so you can get on with your life.

madasawethen · 03/05/2022 11:14

Terrible misogyny on this thread.

The problem isn't OP
The problem is so little is done to stop these predators. The laws aren't working. They need to be changed.

tomatoandherbs · 03/05/2022 11:21

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/05/2022 07:25

if they have no issue with you and entirely there because of your ex and your ex is still a live and ongoing issue - I can’t see the problem

Social work involvement is intrusive, there’s a stigma attached to being under child protection processes, the OP hasn’t done anything wrong and yet is living with the consequences of her ex’s actions. it’s intruding into her work life - do you fancy telling your work you need to take time off every week for a statutory child protection meeting? It also stops the OP from moving forward in her life, there’s still this process anchoring her to his abuse of her. If folk don’t know the whole story they assume she must be a risk to her child - just look at some of the responses on this thread.

I’m a social worker, I want to be involved in folks life’s for as little time needed, because even with the most positive relationship, there’s a lot of baggage for people having a social worker. It’s ok to want them gone as soon as it’s safe.

But your reasoning is all about the op, absolute her inconvenience and feelings.

That is not the key here. The key here is that whilst the issue with ex is still very much a live and ongoing one - the children are adequately protected. And a lot easier to implement measures very quickly if in the system

kitcat15 · 03/05/2022 18:02

DragonOverTheMoon · 03/05/2022 09:22

@PlasticineMeg yes all the agencies involved score the risk to the child out of 10 and it only goes to CIN once it gets above 2. What exactly are they doing to safeguard your child and you from ex? It shouldn't all be on you OP. All thr agencies involved should be working with you pn that.

The safety score varies among LAs....wherevi am a 4/5 is very likely to meet threshold for CP ....a 7 for CIN

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/05/2022 19:25

That is not the key here. The key here is that whilst the issue with ex is still very much a live and ongoing one - the children are adequately protected. And a lot easier to implement measures very quickly if in the system

I was responding to the “I can’t see the problem” comment. The process does act to keep at risk children on the radar and ensure things can be quickly put in place of need be. The process is also inconvenient and emotionally demanding. The two aren’t mutually exclusive and to suggest that if there are no concerns about the OPs care of her children she won’t have a problem with social work involvement is naive and shows a lack of understanding of the impact on parents. That doesn’t mean the process stops, but it can certainly be problematic in all kinds of ways.

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