That social services should leave me alone??

[RubyViola]

Social services have recently been involved due to my ex who was abusive stalking and harassing me. I moved 4 times and each time he found my new address.

This has been going on since I left him in February 2020 when our son was 9 months old. I have done literally everything I can to get help and it took the police 2 years to actually do anything. He was arrested 6 times but let go every time despite the fact the police had deemed him high risk. He has finally been charged and found guilty and is awaiting sentencing in the next few weeks.

I was initially happy that social services became involved as I was hoping it would help push the police but as it happened they were unable to actually do anything. They have put my son on a child protection order under neglect and initially stated that once he had been charged it would be stepped down to child in need.

The social worker comes twice a month and as they have no concerns about my parenting we have absolutely nothing to talk about. I work full time and am sick of having to take an hour off work usually on a Monday morning to talk about the weather. It's a waste of all of our time and surely her time could be better spent elsewhere.

My sons father has completely ruined the first few years of his life and now I feel ready to move on and start to enjoy life again I feel like this is holding me back. Every time the social worker calls it's like a reminder of everything he put us through and I just want to cry and scream. They have done nothing to help us and I just want them to fuck off and let me move on from this.

Is there any way I can legally disengage or dispute the child protection plan without looking bad? I would be more than happy to work with them if my son was at risk but I really feel that right now there causing more harm than good.

@JetTail his solicitor is absolutely pants! when I gave evidence he attempted to pick on several things which were immediately rejected and at one point he was asked to stop interrupting me He also didn't have any questions and the judge asked multiple times if it was necessary to hear all of the evidence as there was so much.

I'm not sure if I was clear earlier but he had a 2 year suspended sentence which will now be served (stalking and harassment).

He has now been found guilty of stalking again (one charge), multiple breaches of restraining order (I'm assuming just one charge) and is awaiting sentencing.

He continued to breach the order after being found guilty so there is now another outstanding charge.

Next time the social worker visits, you need to tell her that you don't feel being on a CP is helping your child & ask her what exactly needs to happen for this to be stepped down to a CIN plan.

She should be able to tell you & if she can't, then ask her to do so because it's supposed to be part of a CP or CIN plan.

You should have (in writing) a CP plan which lays out exactly what you are supposed to do.
If you have your copy, go & read it, then if everything on the list is done ask her if each objective has been achieved what is stopping this from moving on, or what is missing that you need to do so that progress can be made to close the case.

If you don't have a copy, ask the SW or contact the chair & ask them for one.

In some areas SS do have a very high threshold for involvement.
In others it's a very different story.

Exactly this. I know someone who asked for help from SS because their teenage son was on drugs and in a gang. SS turned on the family and put all the children on an in need plan. When the parents complained it was upgraded to a CP plan with no evidence (which SS admitted). It took a long time to get this removed and the children (and parents) are traumatised about what they went through. The sad fact is that SS attracts some people who really aren't that clever and get on a power trip, especially when dealing with educated, middle class families. Consciously or not, they want to drag them down to their level.

@DrDetriment
The final sentence of your post is very accurate.

Given that Social Work does not attract the most intelligent people they try to cover their mistakes by attacking those they are meant to be helping. I have no idea why certain supposedly intelligent people believe the rubbish spoken by social workers

In our LA, if there were no incidents within the next few months and things continued to be positive at conference, you would be stepped down to CIN- unless there were genuine concerns you were still in contact with him.

I agree with speaking to the SW and sorting different time visits at the very least- you shouldn't have to finish work early twice a month? Do they accommodate for later visits, as we do

I'm abit confused as if the next review conference is in 5 months then you must've had one recently? Child protection plans are reviewed at the conference every 6 months. Other professionals must've voted for your child to stay subject to a child protection plan in the last month or so?

Social workers don't decide alone, every professional involved shares their view and the majority wins overall. When was the last child protection conference? What actions are left on the child protection plan that are reviewed at your core group meetings? Have you asked what more you need to do to evidence your child isn't at risk of significant harm?

Also you shouldn't be taking time off for visits. Tell the social worker the times you are available. The LA I am in would never ask a parent to take time off work for social workers to visit x

Your posts seem to be alluding to you thinking she is a jobsworth just ticking a box. SS are absolutely slammed, there is no time to spare for them to be doing this. I have to assume if they are visiting it’s because they think they need to, not because they have to, to tick a box.

@BoredZelda I never said said she was a jobsworth? She's lovely but yes just ticking a box as visits have to be completed while on a CP plan

She's lovely but yes just ticking a box as visits have to be completed while on a CP plan

As I said, they don’t have time for box ticking visits.

There's some misconceptions re sentencing on this thread. The OP has said several times that her ex has breached a 2 year suspended sentence as well as committing further offences. He therefore falls to be sentenced for the new matter(s) and to have the SSO activated. She has presumably been advised by a police liaison officer that isn't a case where they are expecting the court not to activate the SSO - there have to be good reasons for not doing so - or the judge at the last hearing may have indicated that he can expect it to be activated. If the SSO is activated and he receives a further (consecutive) sentence, then even allowing for time on remand, he should hopefully be inside for a decent stretch.

@wishuponastar1988 The last conference was around 3 weeks ago. The trouble is the IRO stated her thoughts first - the nursery went 2nd and literally just repeated what she had said (I don't think the manager has much experience of CP meetings), the health visitor also said the same although we've only met once 8 months ago and she was half an hour late to the meeting and my IDVA said she thought it should be stepped down due to the reduced risk!

The only outstanding action is for the police to give an update - they didn't attend and there wouldn't have been an update anyway

Sorry I didn’t mean to be condescending or to insult your intelligence. I was just drawing from my own experience of CP conferences, in that each professional gives their evidence as to what risks there are to the child and “what good looks like” and then at the end each professional gives their professional opinion as to whether it meets the threshold for CP. There should have been no ambiguity or confusion.

Given your circumstances, it does seem excessive for DC to be a CP plan if ExP is going to serve time, but there must have been reasons given as to why that was the case.

I guess my question is why are you raising this now, rather than at the last conference? If it’s because ExP was not in prison at the time of the last conference, it might be worth speaking with the social worker to contact the conference lead to get their advice as to whether, in the circumstances, the next conference could be brought forward or whether visits could be less frequent?

@BoredZelda I work with young people leaving care and EVERY 6 week visit is completed by the SW/PA as it's a requirement. A lot of the time the kids refuse to engage but the SW will turn up anyway as yes boxes do need to ticked

You are able to challenge the outcome of the conference in writing. Everyone's view should be impartial and based on the evidence of significant harm. It sounds quite oppressive if you are doing EVERYTHING asked of you to keep your child safe. Unfortunately you are not able to control his behaviour but you can control your responses to it to make sure your child is safe and doing ok. Can you speak to the IRO with an advocate or ask for a meeting with the social workers team manager to discuss how you feel? It sounds like there might be professional anxiety around the level of risk (which does sound quite high) but then that has to be balanced against what you have done to maintain/create safety

It's astonishing to me how desperate some people on this thread are to believe that the OP is at fault here. Do they just really need to believe that SS and other professionals are to be relied on to be fair and not make mistakes? Because that's not true.

It's awful that your life is being encroached upon because our legal system has not jailed this person.

Do you have a non-molestation against him?

How did he find your address?

You need to be ex-directory and not tell anyone your address to be safe.

Then perhaps if you speak to SS and let them know the steps you have taken; not possible for him to find your address as nobody knows it. You are not on any lists. He has a non-mol so if he comes near you will be arrested immediately - then perhaps you have a case for them to finally discharge you?

If your child was witness to any of the abuse or even in the same house and you didn’t wLk out on day one then unfortunately In the eyes of SS it was neglect. They likely won’t put you as child in need until the ex is locked up. They’ll keep you on the books until he’s released because you could always go back to him which happens time and time again. You’re now free of him (hopefully) so if it were me I’d ask SS to schedule appointments around your schedule because the loss of your job really would put your child in need!

I would suggest reading the OP's posts.

Yeah because you're complicit in the abuse if you don't leave?

The SW is visiting as it is a statutory requirement with regards to a child on a CP plan…..this is what SWs do….this is what they HAVE to do….whether they think they need to or not….take it you don’t know much about childrens safeguarding and the working together statutory guidance ? 🙄

I think when they do the transfer meeting to the new borough you will have the opportunity to ask for it to be stepped down to CIN. I have attended these meetings in a professional capacity (not a SW) and they will look again at whether the threshold has been met. Take your IDVA with you and go through each point of the CP plan and show how you met them.

I know someone in a similar situation as you (without the prison) and SS didn't step down until her ex (who she had a restraining order against as he'd been threatening and stalking her) hadn't tried to contact her for six months I believe - any time he tracked her down they restarted the clock - not because they were worried about her parenting abilities but because they didn't think she'd be able to protect the children if he did track them down (he'd tried setting fire to the house with them in previously) - in fairness she agreed that she wouldn't be able to - but that she'd die trying to protect them

Hopefully once he's in prison then it's a different situation as the child is safe from him

Do you have another partner? Or is it just you and your DC?
Could it be that SS are concerned about the risk from another adult you live with or are in a relationship with?

@kittensinthekitchen no partner or any other adults in the house although my ex is convinced there is despite watching me alone through the window for god knows how long